Bakesale Betty — Restaurant in Oakland

I lived in Oakland when Bakesale Betty first opened its doors in 2005, and before it became a joint with slavishly devoted fans (I'm one), I had fallen head-over-heels for the place.

Though I haven't been since moving away from the Bay Area some years ago, and though the Temescal neighborhood has probably changed dramatically since I lived nearby in Adam's Point, BB's remains among the only dining establishments, the world over, whose food I really crave and miss, on a regular basis. I may, or may not have had day dreams about it...

Their fried chicken sandwich is, simply put, the most sublimely perfect sandwich ever assembled on the face of our one and only planet Earth. It has been rumored that Gaea, Dionysus, and Hermes strode down together from Mt Olympus, and whispered unto Betty the secrets of Ambrosia. It is even said that the gods will, on occasion, take the form of Oaklanders, and visit Bakesale Betty. During such visits, it is thought that they have been heard to remark that nothing in the halls and larders of their airy celestial dwellings, rivals Betty's offerings.

Anyone who says otherwise does not understand sandwich construction or a balanced flavor profile, nor do they appreciate a perfect role of bread, nor love succulently juicy chicken breast fried in an unfathomably crispy buttermilk crust, nor do they grasp why tangy coleslaw is the superlative compliment to paradisaical fried chicken. Such a person would also fail to appreciate that the most delightful compliment to a matchless fried chicken sandwich, is unquestionably an mouth-watering strawberry shortcake with freshly whipped cream. Impossible as it is to imagine, such a person would clearly fail to grasp that the perfect meal might only be improved upon by the lemon slushes Bakesale Betty used to serve (I'm not sure if they still do).

It was often my custom to visit Betty's on Saturday mornings, just before opening, and to frame my day around the blissful state of mind that would follow upon the most perfect meal that exists. Obviously, someone who can't appreciate a glorious hike up Mt Diablo, or a spectacular day tasting wine in Sonoma, or a blissful day kayaking on Lake Merritt, or surfing at Cowell's beach in Santa Cruz, would be incapable of appreciating that all of those activities were immeasurably improved by having first visited Bakesale Betty, but then, such people are probably...

It was Stephen's birthday and he wanted to go to Bakesale Betty. He wanted to go because he said they have the best chicken sandwiches. I thought it was a bold statement to make. Every place is coming out with chicken sandwiches nowadays. He was saying that every other place doesn't even compare. I wanted to see how far his love went for these sandwiches so I asked him if he would prefer only having In N Out for the rest of his life or Bakesale Betty. Without hesitation he said Bakesale Betty, which I thought was a bit disrespectful towards In N Out. He could have thought about it for at least two seconds. When we went to college together in Oregon (before Oregon had In N Out) In N Out would be the first place we would stop whenever we were heading back to California. I couldn't believe that he didn't even have to think about my question, it was automatic. I was about to ask him more questions, but decided that some questions I don't really want to know the answers to. What if I asked him if he'd rather never drink together again or never go to Bakesale Betty again. Stephen doesn't really drink in the first place, but I drink when we're together so it's kind of like we're drinking together. I might be pulling all the weight, but it doesn't change the fact that we're together and drinking is occurring. I don't think I would be able to cope if I found out drinking together was not as important to him as Bakesale Betty. Anyways, I wouldn't give up drinking together for these sandwiches, but they...

The service is "Excellent" because I genuinely LOVE no-nonsense restaurants where every employee is yelling constantly. They know what's on the menu, and if you're not a jerk, so do you. Get in there, scream your desire, grab your big paper bag, and get out.

"Decor" is the scenic outdoors of Temescal, which are always excellent. The tables are ironing boards! If you think that's hilarious, it sure is hilarious. This "excellent" rating occasionally drops to "poor" (when it's raining).

The food is great. I looked on Yelp once and sort of cried at all the one-star reviews calling the place "overrated" because you can get cheaper chicken sandwiches at KFC. Look, man, it's not my fault that you only eat here when you're hung over and also that you have no taste in anything. This place rules; the bread should be in the Smithsonian. I'd watch a Discovery Channel documentary about how they make the tofu they put on the tofu sandwich.

My first dozen or so visits I got the chocolate chip cookies, because I went to college in Indiana and I am that sort of person; now, it's always the ginger molasses, because that is an original, delicious thing. A cookie and some lemonade are a good thing to enjoy here.

Before eating Bakesale Betty's pumpkin pie, I'd never voluntarily paid for pumpkin pie, nor had I ever eaten an entire slice by myself. I enjoyed it so much that I ordered pumpkin pie at several other restaurants . . . and realized that pumpkin pie can get pretty darn gross. So that was a pretty...