Playa Vidanta Nuevo Vallarta — Attraction in Nayarit

Overall it’s a nice looking resort, but way too big for my liking. Check in was a nightmare, 4 hours, as our room wasn’t ready till 7:15pm. We were in an ocean view 2 bedroom for 14 nights in the Grand Mayan Copan. I’m not sure how many guests the resort holds, but I was told there’s 8000 employees and covers 3000 acres at Vidanta Nuevo Vallarta. There is a golf cart/bus service to take you from place to place on the resort, but it’s not real clear on which cart to take to what destination. The grounds are well kept. The rooms are good. The food is way over priced for the mediocre quality. It’s good, but no better than a lot of all inclusive resorts. I get the feeling that they believe if they charge more, people will think they’re getting more!! The food store on site is also way over priced as compared to off site, Mega, El Comer or Walmart. Being a non all inclusive resort, everything is cost plus. Example: to rent a boogie board at the beach is $300 pesos for 1 hour. To buy a boogie board at Walmart was $300 pesos. We bought at Walmart and left it behind when we left for home. With the resort being so large, to get off the resort is not easy or cheap. To take a taxi anywhere ($380 pesos minimum), and the only way to walk off the resort is via the beach to the north, which takes you to the marina where there are more reasonably priced Resteraunts. Now for the TIME SHARE presentation. They say it’s not a time share, but it’s a time share. They say it’s 1 hour, but it’s 4 hours. They start at $140,000 U.S. and after 3.5 hours they’re down to $5,000 for the same 2 bedroom. Of course there’s no maintenance fees, instead they charge $1,500 per week to stay there, once you bought??? Makes no sense to me, but time shares don’t make sense to me. Pay for a holiday you haven’t taken, nor may never take?? And we encountered the same rules here as other resorts which is: there are different rules for different people. We were told by security that we weren’t allowed to have our soft sided cooler on the beach or at the pools, yet there were people all around that had the same coolers. We were told to either take it to our room or they would confiscate it. Wow! Overall, it’s not a bad place, but for me I’d sooner be at a much smaller resort. I will not be returning to any of the Vidanta Resorts. PS: read some reviews on the Vidanta time share tactics and on going lawsuits in regards to the time shares, and if you still feel compelled to...

We “won” this Vidanta getaway at a charity auction — and I now believe the real charity would have been people warning us it might be cursed. From the over two-hour check-in (yes, over two hours), to the constant upselling disguised as “upgrading,” our stay was less “luxury vacation” and more “emotional endurance test with expensive snacks.”

After being told our hotel selection was “sub-par” (how dare we want what we paid for), we were “upgraded” to a resort property so far away it may as well have required a connecting flight. The shuttles showed up about as often as solar eclipses, so we got to know the property well — mostly by foot.

Guests everywhere looked like they were in various stages of regret, or near death. All we heard were complaints from everyone we met, too -- people mostly upset about the high-pressure sales that met us all at every turn. Even the staff, forced to greet you with their hand over their heart like hostages in a luxury-themed cult, couldn’t hide their despair.

The food? Mediocre and mysteriously expensive. The gym? A charming 40-minute walk away — nothing says “wellness” like needing a cardio session just to get to your cardio session.

Every “event” felt like a prank. Like the “sound healing” session that took place on a cramped bit of grass next to a busy sidewalk with constant construction noise, which I guess added a certain jackhammer chakra realignment vibe.

Despite being located on what feels like several thousand acres, there was a rooster crowing 24/7 and a chorus of barking dogs to remind us that peace and quiet were sold separately.

The crowning glory of this fever dream was the timeshare salesman who invited himself to breakfast with us and, upon hearing our polite “no” after hours of listening to him, ripped up his papers and had a full-blown tantrum. Nothing says “relaxation” like an adult man throwing a fit because you didn’t want to buy a lifetime of this misery.

In summary: If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to spend a small fortune to feel trapped, manipulated, and serenaded by livestock — Vidanta is your place.

Would not recommend. Would not return. Would not even wish upon my worst enemy (unless they enjoy construction noise and emotional...

Ah, let me regale you with the tale of my escapade to the resort of wonders, nestled in the bosom of nowhere! Picture this: a place so remote you'd need a map, a compass, and possibly a search party to find your way back to civilization. And once you arrive, oh dear traveler, prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of delights and disappointments!

Firstly, let's talk transport. Forget about hailing a trusty Uber; here, we're at the mercy of the resort's chariots of extortion—er, I mean, taxis. And boy, do they know how to charge! It's like they've invented their own currency where instead of dollars, you pay in your firstborn child.

Now, onto the check-in saga. You'd think they'd hand you a golden ticket upon arrival, but no! It's like a scavenger hunt for information. Want a map app? Too bad, you'll have to decode the secret message hidden in your room's wallpaper to find that gem. It's like they're playing a game of "hide and seek," and guess who's always it? Spoiler alert: it's you!

And the perks! Oh, the promised perks! Complimentary drinks? More like complimentary disappointment. Discounts? Ha! You'll need a magnifying glass to find those. And don't even get me started on the sales pitch. It's like being stuck in a never-ending infomercial. "But wait, there's more!" they cry as you slowly lose the will to live.

Let's not forget the logistical nightmare of trying to access those elusive discounts upon checkout. It's like trying to crack a safe with a toothpick. And speaking of hidden fees, remember those government charges? Yeah, they conveniently forgot to mention those until you're already knee-deep in debt.

And don't even get me started on the prices! $450 pesos for a shot of Mark Wahlberg's tequila? Does it come with a personal serenade from the man himself? Because if not, I'll pass, thanks.

And as if all that wasn't enough, they dangle the tantalizing temptation of a discounted timeshare in front of your weary eyes. But if you have to go through one ... choose Jose Luis. He was good.

In conclusion, dear reader, if you're considering a trip to Vidanta Nuevo Vallarta, I suggest you pack your sense of humor, a sturdy pair of walking shoes, and possibly a therapist...