Licenciado Gustavo Díaz Ordaz International Airport — Local services in Jalisco

I am at this airport every few months, and it's really pretty easy to navigate. There are a few things you should know, however.

Nearly every person you meet when you exit the plane will be selling you something. They will help with luggage, too, and it's expected for you to give a few dollars or pesos if you accept help. Many places give away free tours or hotel stays if you'll sit through a sales presentation for a time-share; you'll encounter many of these deals before you even get to customs. There are luggage carts to rent near the baggage claim. The baggage claim area is very easy to navigate.

Customs is pretty easy. Have your visa filled out and present it with your passport. They may ask a couple questions... Where are you staying, or about your luggage if you have a lot. They'll have you press the button, and either send you on your way or send you over to be further cleared. If they do send you over, they x-ray your bags and might ask you to open them. Even then, they are polite and careful if they feel they need to go through your luggage. But really, that's very rare. I've had it happen only once, and I was carrying kitchen items in one bag so they wanted to see. They confirmed that it was what I said it was, and they stamped me on my way.

One thing that helps is to have a translator app downloaded on your phone, with the Spanish pack downloaded. That way, even without cell signal, you can open the app and communicate.

Once you're through security, you'll have a few more sales pitches thrown at you. If you haven't already made arrangements for a ride, there are taxis waiting right outside and they do usually take credit cards. On site, you'll see an Oxxo convenience store and a beer stand, so you can have refreshments while awaiting your ride's arrival.

One thing to note is that you WILL NOT GET AN UBER TO PUNTA DEMITA! There is one taxi service, and they do a wonderful job. Their rigs are extremely clean and sanitized, all the drivers speak English, and they are all well dressed and polite. There is nothing more important than your safe arrival here. It is about an hour ride from the airport, and it will be comfortable and pleasant if you take the taxi. The other option is the bus, which is very affordable but not very sanitary and takes much longer.

When you return for your flight out, it'll be very easy to figure out where to go. Security, a quick visa/passport check (there's a fee for losing your visa so keep it with your passport in a secure location), and luggage scan. Gates are easy to identify.

Enjoy your...

It's an airport. Not much to write home about. Decently clean.

Be prepared to fill out lots of paperwork, scan a lot of QR codes (similar to barcodes, scan with your phone and it takes you to a website). Mostly for COVID reasons.

The COVID test on site is in a white tent just outside the front entrance that says COVID testing in Spanish on the outside. They "recommend" you fill out a form on a website to "make the registration process go faster/smoother" but in reality it is required. I did not see an option to get a COVID test on site if you do not have a phone that works in Mexico. Visiting that website was required for the COVID test and everyone in line for the test was talking about how long the web page took to load (around 20 minutes to fill out 3 short pages of paperwork online. This took longer than the actual test itself).

Like everyone else said, watch out for the rude scammers that harass you here sometimes. It's not something THAT surprising if you travel much but it still always makes me very uncomfortable every time. It's an unpleasant experience.

I had a hard time finding a healthy snack for me before my flight at any of the restaurants/vending machines. A member of my group needs gluten-free options. That was very difficult to find as well. Most food options are junk food, chips, candy, soda, water, pizza, hamburger, and Bubba Gump Shrimp Co (if you have enough time to sit down and order food before your flight). After finding some overpriced food, a cashier asked if I wanted to give them a tip (I grabbed the food I wanted).

I could be wrong but I thought I saw an expired fire extinguisher at this airport so I uploaded a picture here for someone to check. I didn't have enough time to reach out to staff on site before my flight, once I noticed so I snapped a quick picture. See something, say something.

The bathroom sinks have a gross design where you have to constantly touch this little piece of metal to get the water to run. Everyone else has touched that metal piece too. There are also those little emoji buttons to rate how clean the bathroom was. I am not trying to touch all these things. Makes me wonder if they wait for enough "frowny-faces" before they clean it. Yuk.

It is a pretty standard airport. It gets the job done. Just keep your wits about you and try to be as proactive as possible with paperwork and you...

This is the worst airport that I have ever flown out of, hands down. The experience is chaotic and miserable. It is clear that the Airport Authorities have no interest in streamlining processes or managing customer experience.

A few tips to help anyone unlucky enough to have this hellish experience pending in their near future: — Try to avoid flying out on a weekend — Get to the airport with at lease 2.5 hours to spare — Get a good rest the night before. You will need energy and unending patience, or a lot of tequila

When you get to departures, use one of the self check-in terminals to check bags and get your boarding passes. Be prepared, some are broken, and some simply don't serve your airline, and there are no signs to indicate this. You will likely have to stand in 2 or 3 different lines before you finally reach a kiosk that can service you.

If you're checking bags, your next punishment is to go to your airline's customer service center and stand in another line for 30+ minutes to drop off your bags. Have your passport, boarding pass, and immigration form in-hand, because every airline representative will ask to see it. I had to show it 5 times while waiting in that line.

Once you're free of your bags, you can then ascend to the second floor to make your way to security. You won't have to go far! As soon as you reach the top of the staircase you will find yourself standing in a river of seething people wrapping the entire upper floor. The security check point won't even be visible. I recommend bringing pen and paper to work on your obituary. It's likely you will die of old age before reaching security.

If you're lucky enough to survive the great migration to the other side of security, your next challenge is to find an open seat. I resigned myself to sitting on the granite floor. Don't expect to eat or use the restroom unless you're prepared to miss your flight while waiting in line.

Congratulations! Your hard work will be rewarded with a cramped, cranky, and long flight back to whatever non-paradise you came from. The airport experience quickly burns away the calm relaxation that you stored up during your vacation in Vallarta.

I think next time I'll consider taking a row...