Figment — Restaurant in Aberdeen City

£3 for a small, bitter americano that takes ages to be made in an otherwise empty store. Don’t bother.

Oh Neil – what a week we’ve had! It’s the keyboard warrior here. I gave you a one star review, you posted on Instagram, a minor social media pile-on ensued, and even a local news outlet picked up the story. Let me outline my experiences of visiting your café.

We moved to the area in Autumn last year and have been on numerous trips to your place – usually me walking the dog there and having a takeaway white americano/ flat white. To be fair, walking into the building makes a great first impression. However, there then follows an entirely predictable series of events. The lady on the till is consistently quite rude and abrupt (I’m not the only one to say this – see your other reviews), then there is a wait for the coffee. But where to stand while you wait - blocking the exit from the kitchen? Loitering near the bottles of table water? Hovering beside someone else tucking into their brunch? When the relatively long wait for the hot beverage is over, the hound and I make our way home. And yes – I’m sorry – the cup size for an americano is small.

The coffee, to me, tastes bitter (again – see your other reviews, this isn’t just me). This is quite frustrating, as I’ve gone out of my way to support a local business, paid a premium and got a sub standard product. As I’m walking home, I usually think about how I shouldn’t bother going back, but your place is convenient for Coop and it means the doggo gets his walk.

I noticed your place closed over the winter for a ‘social media event.’ You’re clearly a social media guru, perhaps you should apply those standards when appraising customer feedback. The social media world can prioritise style over substance. I just want to be able to buy a coffee and enjoy drinking it. From your background in the oil industry, it is, perhaps, understandable to think the person shouting loudest and last probably ‘wins’ the argument. I don’t think you should be using the same approach for costumer relations in the café environment. Your responses to other low score reviews actually belittles and insults customers.

My most recent trip, and the subsequent events, were a little bit different. The lady at the front of house held a long conversation with someone in the queue in front of me. This bloke didn’t order any food/ drinks and had apparently come in for a blether. So, a bit of time has been wasted – who cares? Well, and this might come as a surprise to you, when someone orders a takeaway coffee, they’re not looking for an experience, or are necessarily in your establishment to appreciate the décor and ambiance – they just want a drink, and to be spoken to politely.

Let me round off with your response on Instagram. I refer to your description of my comment (and I’m quoting you directly here) as being ‘petulent, keyboard warrior bullshit’ and ‘unfair’ and how my response is ‘nasty.’ It looks like bcam71 with his ‘I’m going to have Ollie iced. Consider it done. Fire up the roaster. We may need some after hours cleanup (sic)’ is somewhere on the nasty spectrum?

What, actually, makes me quite sad is the fact that a number of low-score reviewers have made almost EXACTLY the same comments and you are failing, consistently, to address these issues....

A very poor experience during my first time at figment! A very poor selection of cakes/ tray bakes. Secondly they served all the takeaway customers first and sitting in customers before me. I only ordered a latte so it was a very simple order. I was sitting there with my baby and 4 year old. I was just about to cancel when my drink finally arrived. The lady behind the till just disappeared on my way out. I won’t be back!! Very over priced and horrible experience.

I see that my post has a response……. Very upset to see that you called me rude. I just believe in being served in turn. I certainly was not rude and just asked when I would be served as there were people served before me for takeaway and people were served that had sat down after me. I am a mum with two kids and very upset that you called me rude. You have no idea about the challenges I had that day and just wanted a quiet coffee. My kids were starting to get restless because of the wait! Your member of staff said that my order must have been misplaced when I asked where my drink was. I did not ask for a scone, I asked if there were pancakes or anything else on offer. I was just told no!! Scones were not even mentioned by the staff. You really were not that busy as I was the only person in the queue at the time. When I sat down a queue started and that was when your staff served those takeaway customers first. I just had a bad experience at your cafe and that is...

In response to owners feedback:

It is not incumbent on the customer to ask for heating to be turned up in a cafe. People go to relax. Many would feel awkward in doing so, as evidenced by the 10 people wearing their coats when we visited. In actual fact, during the winter I DID share with your staff on two occasions that it was cold. One time nothing happened, the other time it warmed up for ten minutes before the heating went off again. That's why we stopped going.

Primarily we come to Figment due to its location near where we live. Yes, the coffee is good, but that's overridden when it's cold.

I suspect you are being disingenuous. You MUST know the temperature setting is low. I get you are trying to save money, but at the expense of the customer's experience, it doesn't fly. Hence, the 1 star review, respectfully, stands.

Original review:

Cold. My wife and I stopped going to Figment during the winter because of how cold it was. We tried again this week. But despite it being Spring, at only 10C outside, the place was...cold. I counted 10 people wearing coats. Can't express how bad it is to go for a nice warming coffee only to be cold in Scotland. Can't you afford to...