Grand Café Belfast — Restaurant in Belfast

Welcome to Belfast’s finest five-star performance art installation, disguised as a hotel. The concept? Strip away all traces of hospitality and replace them with the thrilling experience of being ignored in real time. Avant-garde, really.

Breakfast was the highlight. For the low, low price of £15, I was treated to what can only be described as a Michelin-star optical illusion: one bacon rasher, a sausage, half a soda, and half a tomato. It’s not food — it’s a statement. Minimalism at its finest. Why settle for a plate of breakfast when you can pay premium for a tragic poetry reading in meat form?

And the drinks! I’ve always dreamed of paying champagne prices for liquids that wouldn’t outshine tap water. Dreams do come true here.

The staff were equally impressive. Imagine a world where table service means sprinting in the opposite direction the second a customer makes eye contact. Revolutionary. Our waiter in particular seemed to be studying for the role of “Belfast’s Most Elusive Man” — I applaud his dedication.

If you’re looking for warmth, character, or even the faintest whiff of Belfast charm, do yourself a favour and walk ten minutes to Neighbourhood Café. Twice the food, half the price, and you might even encounter laughter instead of the thrilling sound of silence.

But if you’ve always wanted to experience overpriced food, invisible drinks, and service so absent it could qualify as a ghost story — congratulations, you’ve...

Nipped in here for a late lunch with my mother as she used to love coming here with my grandmother.

We were seated quickly and our order was taken fast. However, my (hot) food came out faster than my mother's scone, tea and our drinks.

We had 3 different waiters come to ask if everything was ok and each time we have to let them know what we were waiting on. No apologies on any of the times and all of them hurried over to the kitchen area. 1 waiter in particular was quite abrupt and just said "its coming" and wondered off to another table.

While we waited 30 mintues for the scone (which was the wrong one) and our drinks we noticed how unclean everything seemed. We arrived after the lunch rush and there was approximately 4 members of wait staff wondering around. There was one table which didn't get cleaned away until we were getting ready to leave, and it was only done by a new waitress who seemed to have just started her shift and she seemed quite confused why her colleagues hadn't cleaned it way or reset any of the tables.

There were squished pieces of food and crumbs all over the floor and dust on any surface that wasn't a table. I understand that going around with a mop or vaccum at this time wouldn't be possible - but you would expect any side-work for staff to include running a broom or dustpan and brush around to keep things looking...

I have stayed at the hotel on multiple occasions when visiting Belfast. The menu and food is excellent, beautifully prepared and really tasty. I have nothing but positive complements for the chef. Unfortunately he/she is let down by clueless waiting staff. They are perfectly friendly and helpful WHEN you get to engage with them but to say they are inattentive is the understatement of the century!! They coalesce around the cooking area or the tills but don't look around or proactively approach diners. This happened on two occasions when I went there in both January and April 2025. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and went again but ended up walking out after 15 minutes of waiting for someone to take my order! I was even waiving both arms above my head to attract attention!! I believe the waiting staff are willing but they need to be trained! The fact that they are not is a damning indictment on the manager there who needs to be replaced! It's SUCH a shame given the quality of the food but because of the atrocious service, I am afraid I would recommend avoiding this place unless you've got all day (maybe two!) to have someone come by to take your order. Very...