The Maldon Smokehouse — Restaurant in Maldon

I revisited this local fish restaurant after many years, having nearly forgotten about it—now I remember why. On arrival, things started on a promising note. The staff were friendly and welcoming, and the wine list was surprisingly good. We enjoyed a lovely bottle of white wine, which, unfortunately, turned out to be the highlight of the meal

I later learned the team behind the restaurant also runs a local pub, possibly the Victoria. It was also mentioned that they had only recently taken over the restaurant a few weeks ago, and—oddly—I was told they shouldn’t even bother changing things because “the locals love it.” That might be true, but if you’re running a restaurant, you should be putting your own mark on it and striving for quality, not coasting on goodwill. Or no goodwill

Let’s talk about the food.

My wife requested a simple mains smoked salmon and prawns. You’d think this would be a standard request at a seafood restaurant, but it required a special ask to the chef—as if she’d ordered foie gras with a side of caviar. She made it clear she didn’t want roll mops or cockles, yet what arrived looked like a dog’s dinner. Even the bread was served in a doggy bag—no idea if that’s a quirky Maldon thing or just a misguided attempt at rustic charm.

I really wanted fish and chips .Yes freshly caught off a boat in the North Sea. As there website shows people fishing with fly rods and deep sea tackle!! Then underneath the picture poop about cocktails. I could scream on all aspects of this restaurant from food to website.

Fish and chips offered was pollock and chips . Is this some type of cost cutting exercise?? Don't tell me it's to save the fish stocks? Turning this down I was recommended the burger. Big mistake. It came out with two patties that were as dry as the Sierra Desert, slapped onto a bun that had clearly seen better days. The garnish? A tomato slice the size of a bus and not in a good way. I sent it back—not out of malice, but because it genuinely wasn’t edible. I even told them I’d pay for it regardless. The chef’s response? He tried to justify the dryness by saying, “It can’t be moist because of the quality of meat we use.” That’s one of the most baffling excuses I’ve heard in a kitchen.

The decor didn’t help. I politely pointed out to the owner that the rustic tables looked more neglected than charming. The reply? “Our customers like this style.” Really? Or is that just wishful thinking?

This place might be passable for some of the local crowd, but if you’re serious about building a great business, you need to set your benchmark higher—and keep working toward it. I paid for my burger in full, even though it was taken off the bill.

Would I return?

Not in...

We had high expectations after hearing that this is one of the best restaurants in Maldon.

We received a warm welcome, the staff are lovely. The drinks selection is great and we were impressed with the choice of two real ale cask beers.

The decor is quirky and relaxed. It was a warm summer’s evening and we sat outside on the (hard) wooden picnic benches overlooking the water. The location is stunning, the tide was high and there were birds on the river.

Our first surprise was with the choice of some of main courses on the menu; given it was summer I didn’t expect to see steak pie & mashed potatoes, sausage & mashed potatoes, and many heavy / comfort food dishes that I associate with autumn / winter. I chose lasagne with garlic bread and my partner had smoked haddock with Stilton sauce, mash and vegetables.

When the food came we were both disappointed. The fish was swimming in a pool of unpleasant looking brown coloured sauce that didn’t taste of Stilton. My lasagne was hidden in a white ceramic dish with a thick layer of white cheese on top. The cheese was hot and stringy but there was no colour to it. It looked anaemic and I suspect that it had been microwaved, rather than cooked in the oven. When I cut through the cheese I found a thin layer of pasta and a dried red meat layer (which was actually tasty, given how little there was). I suspect that this was a leftover portion from an earlier time that had been disguised with a thick layer of cheese.

I hoped that we had just been unlucky, given that everyone we had spoken to said the food was great. So, like a couple of optimistic idiots, we ordered dessert. The raspberry crumble was great - it was described as ‘homemade’ and it did not disappoint - it was tasty and came with good custard. But the Sticky Toffee Pudding was hands down the worst I have ever had. It was a round solid lump in a lake of thin watery brown sauce. That said, it tasted okay but the textures were completely wrong.

If we’d been served this in a supermarket café we’d have thought it was just about acceptable, but given the reputation and the pricing, we were disappointed.

We won’t be going back to eat. We both felt as though there needed to be a responsible adult in the kitchen checking the quality of the food going out.

If we ever return it will be for the great drinks and...

We visited the Smokehouse with intentions of just having a drink before we ventured out into the town. We were a party of 6 including 2 young children and we're staying in an airb&b literally nextdoor for mine and my sister in law's birthday weekend. Now, I get that they were busy, and there was a sign outside saying please ask to be seated but all we were doing was having a look at the outside seating area when a waitress rudely assumed we hadn't read her sign and snapped at us. She also went on to say that they had no room for us as they were busy. When we preceded to say we only wanted a quick drink, she said she would ask the manager (with an attitude). The manager was lovely once we explained we only wanted a quick drink as we were staying next door. She said that they just didn't have the room but offered us a table with a few tall chairs which we declined because of the childrens safety and decided to just go into town. As we walked away the waitress said sorry that she misunderstood what we wanted (in front of her manager I might add) and was all smiles. We also got the feeling that kids weren't welcome - it's not a family friendly place. It's such a shame because our host recommended them to us. Overall not a...