I went on Saturday the 17th of September. I won't be back for some time, partially due to geographical convenience (I'm a few hundred miles away now) and partially due to how rubbish the place was. Rather rubbish indeed.

The place smelled of fish - a rather pungent pong that seemed to hang in the air like an ominous piscine specter... Like the spirits of a thousand angry mackerel had risen from a dumpster behind a fishmonger and collectively decided to haunt Gallimore's instead.

The smell was a off putting, but that was just the first few steps of the descent.

The waiting staff, though putting in a solid effort and giving it a damn good try were overstretched and under resourced, and maybe a bit disorganized - with communication breakdown between the waiting staff and the kitchen becoming quickly apparent.

Seriously - get that fixed, it's embarrassing having a poor waitress go to the kitchen, only to return umpteen times to tell the diners that half of the menu isn't there... I felt sorry for them, I really did.

If you want a beer - I suggest brewing it at home, you'd probably get it faster than waiting for it to come up with a drinks order (if they don't lose it en route).

I had the cheeseburger, which was okay (leaning towards bad - but I'd been waiting long enough that napkins were starting to look like a viable option to stave off starvation) - it reminded me of the school canteen, but the chips must have been taken from the old academy too as they were not fresh out the fryer. Nope. Just nope.

Mediocre is too good a word here, it was a poor performance. Mediocre has connotations of bland and average - this was just plain bad.

I cannot blame the waiting staff, but I would think that the owner (who bounced through with a strange smile like a magician at a children's party, as if he was oblivious to the tepid misery he was serving up - or at least endorsing) should do something with the kitchen - give them a kick in the backside and focus the menu a bit more - the diversity leads me to think that a few of the dishes are likely 2 minute microwave jobs from the supermarket.

Of course, as part of British culture, we smile and be polite - even though we're trying to swallow what is likely a kitchen sponge served on an old bun with a side of reheated day old chips and salad made from floor sweepings.

I had heard this place was meant to be good - please do not believe the glossy pamphlets - what you get on the plate is pure, sauteed, pan fried disillusionment.

The profiteroles were underwhelming too, which I suppose was better than nothing as a lot of the puddings that were on the menu weren't in the building at the time... On a Saturday at lunchtime... So, yeah...

If you crave disappointment - this will fill your misery meter right up.

If you want something nice - go somewhere else, I'm sure there's something superb a stone's throw away.

Avoid Gallimore's and just go to Greggs or something.