La Altena — Restaurant in Cleveland

We're All in the Relationship Business

The positive: the atmosphere was quite nice. The decor and music were colorful and upbeat, more than you would expect from the storefront. Bringing my 87 year old grandmother and family from out of town I was quite optimistic for a normal experience.

The negative: My fault is that there was some initial miscommunication. I always order "Pollo Loco" or "Jim's Nachos" depending on the restaurant. It's always the same, a bed of rice with grilled chicken and melted cheese.

I ordered this. The waiter asked if I wanted salad, tomato, and guacamole. The waiter made a small circle with both hands which I assumed meant the portion size. figured it was what they often put in the corner with some dishes. I said okay.

The food (there were six of us) came out in five minutes or so. I was surprised but excited and hungry.

But then I got my plate (kind of wish I had taken a picture) half the plate was shredded lettuce, a little rice beside that, and less than half was the chicken. Not as much cheese as most places bu I've learned that some are more strict with the portion.

At first I was just going to eat it and just ask for more cheese. But then I got to thinking that I was about to spend $100 and that I'd like to at least get what I wanted.

Not a huge deal. It happens.

My biggest problem was that the waiter was combative and argumentative. He asked me "What's wrong with it? This is what you ordered. I told you it had a salad."

I said I'm sorry, I may at have made a mistake, that I'd like more chicken and less lettuce. He rolled his eyes and walked off, not taking my plate.

After a few minutes I began to wonder if he was just going to bring me a plate of chicken?

I was getting irritated at the way I was treated and decided I really just wanted a fresh plate. I gave the plate to another employee, he asked what the problem was, I briefly explained and responded by telling me I should have done a better job reading the menu :/ He took my plate.

At this point I'm like what the heck? Yeah I'm a bit irritated but not unkind or rude, just matter of fact. It happens. Running a business is hard. I get it.

Soon after, the waiter brings what I thought I originally ordered...

It was luke warm at best. I had my wife try it as well too see if I was simply in a negative mood. She confirmed it was cold.

I shared this with the waiter and he asked, rudely from my perspective, "Do you want me to microwave it?" I responded by saying, "I'd just like a fresh plate of food."

At this point I was pretty much done. This was already the worst dining experience I've had in years.

They finally brought a third plate. It was hot and tasted okay. Honestly, I almost didn't eat it because this felt like the type of situation where someone in the kitchen would spit in your food.

I hope not.

Finally, I noticed that the man at the cash register asked the person in front of me and the person behind me how their meal was. He didn't ask me LOL 🤣. Word must have gotten around.

Stuff happens. Communication problems happen. You have to give your customers who misunderstood (especially when English is your second language) some grace. I just wanted a simple meal with my family and guests.

We all have bad days at work. Customers are real people too who are willing to forgive a bad experience if they are treated with kindness and respect.

I wondered if someone would apologize or offer to take my portion off. No one did.

I'm usually a 25-35% tipper because I know how hard of a job it can be. Customers can be tough at times and food tips can gona long way.

As far as I can remember, this was the first time I haven't tipped.

It's really hard to image myself ever going back.

At the end of the day, it's all about...

La Altena is, without exaggeration, the most dismal attempt at Mexican cuisine I have encountered in Cleveland, TN... a city blessed (and at times cursed) with an abundance of Mexican dining options. Cleveland’s culinary scene may be saturated with varying levels of authenticity and flavor, but La Altena exists in a category all its own: a realm of pretense and artifice, wrapped in a tortilla of sheer laziness and served with a side of disappointment.

Let me start with the basics. La Altena presents itself as an authentic Mexican restaurant, and while that term should conjure images of slow-simmered sauces, fragrant spices, and handmade tortillas, La Altena is content to substitute soul with subpar, premade, and heat-and-serve fare. Imagine the disappointment of ordering enchiladas, expecting rich, earthy flavors, only to be greeted with something that tastes suspiciously like a frozen meal hurriedly microwaved in a break room. The quesadillas are flat, lifeless discs that could pass for a child’s school cafeteria experiment, while the so-called “carne asada” has as much in common with authentic grilled beef as a cardboard cutout does with a living, breathing person. Here, it seems, freshness is a four-letter word.

And yet, the mediocrity doesn’t end with the food. La Altena has taken what should be the highlight of any self-respecting Mexican restaurant... the margarita, and reduced it to an abomination that is little more than a glorified gas station slush. These margaritas are premixed concoctions, tasting as though they’ve been sitting in a salvage store well past their expiration date, forgotten and forlorn. There is nothing refreshing, nothing tantalizing, in these “cocktails.” One might as well dip a lime into a syrupy puddle of melted ice and dust it off with a squirt of artificial flavoring. It’s a travesty to serve this as anything resembling a margarita.

Service at La Altena is, unfortunately, another letdown. There is no hospitality here, no warmth. It’s as if the staff has absorbed the lackluster ambiance and settled into a rhythm of robotic monotony, with no sense of urgency or care. Orders are taken with the enthusiasm of someone reading a parking ticket, and food arrives with the inconsistency of a coin toss. The only shred of authenticity in this place lies in the heritage of the workers... individuals who, ironically, have been tasked with delivering something that lacks any genuine connection to their culture.

In a town overflowing with Mexican dining options, La Altena is, quite frankly, the Temu of Mexican restaurants. It is a discount knock-off that mistakes quantity for quality, convenience for care. It might attract the occasional unsuspecting soul, perhaps even convince a few who have never encountered authentic Mexican fare that they are getting the “real deal.” But let’s be clear: those who have experienced even the most basic level of quality at other Mexican establishments in Cleveland will know they’ve been deceived here. La Altena is nothing more than a counterfeit, an imitation that insults its very own label.

In closing, let me make this as unambiguous as possible. Cleveland has its share of mediocre Mexican spots, but La Altena is the very worst of them all. If your taste buds hold any modicum of dignity, do yourself a favor and steer clear of this restaurant. Dining here is an insult to your senses, a waste of your money, and a regrettable memory that could easily be avoided by simply choosing one of the many other...

The ONLY reason I'm giving it 1 star is because I can't give it less. Today makes the 5th time I've been here and had horrible service. The staff was rude & the food was mediocre at best. I stood at the register for every bit of 10 minutes waiting to pay (no they weren't busy. It was a little after 4 on Thursday afternoon). I had 4 different people walk up to the counter, get stuff including seating 2 people, look straight at me, then walk off & ignore me...including the jerk who eventually walked BEHIND the counter and took my check & money. (I bet if we had started to walk out without paying, they would have gotten their asses in gear.) They had a woman come in who told them she wanted to place a to-go order, & after standing there beside me for 5 minutes, & 2 or 3 guys walking up & ignoring both of us, she walked out. Anyway, I told the guy at the register, when he funfair acknowledged my presence, that I had placed an order to go but it wasn't on my ticket, & I needed it (it was my husband's dinner), he argued with me that I didn't place it, until my mom told him I absolutely DID order it, she was right there when I did. He got irritated, then got a nasty attitude with me & told me it was being made and was on a separate ticket, & that I needed to "chill out & calm down, lady". When it was finally brought out, it was sideways in the bag, leaking everywhere, & they had to run out to my car to give me half of the order. (It's a damn good thing they did, too, because had I gotten home after that only to find half the order missing, I would have lost my crap with them.) Asb it was, when I got home, my husband discovered it wasn't even what I had ordered and paid for, it was something that cost almost $7 LESS than what I actually ordered, but they charged me for the molcajete. I'm telling you, it was horrendous. I will NOT be back, & I would advice anyone to ANYWHERE ELSE. LAS MARGARITAS & MONTEREY ARE FANTASTIC AND HAVE EXPONENTIALLY BETTER FOOD AND SERVICE. Ps: even after such horrendous service, I STILL tipped nearly 30%...because...