Oh boy, where do I even begin with this culinary catastrophe I experienced at what I'll generously refer to as a "barbecue restaurant"? From the moment I walked in, the air hung heavy with the faint, unsettling aroma of something vaguely smoky but undeniably...off. It was like the ghost of barbecues past, and not a friendly ghost. We were seated at a sticky table that felt like it hadn't seen a cleaning cloth since the Mesozoic Era. The paper menu, crinkled and stained with the remnants of countless unfortunate meals, offered a depressing preview of what was to come. I bravely ordered the "Smoked Brisket Platter," envisioning tender, smoky slices of beef that would melt in my mouth. What arrived instead resembled something salvaged from a dumpster fire. The brisket was dry. Not just a little dry, mind you. It was Sahara Desert dry. Each bite required the determined effort of a seasoned explorer hacking through tough, leathery terrain. I suspect it had been "smoked" sometime last Tuesday and then left to contemplate its existence under a heat lamp ever since. The flavor? Well, let's just say it tasted vaguely of sadness and regret, with a hint of something metallic I couldn't quite place (old pennies? despair?). The accompanying "BBQ sauce" was an equally traumatic experience. It was thin, watery, and possessed a sickly sweet flavor that tasted suspiciously like it came straight from a bargain-brand bottle that had been languishing in the back of the fridge for far too long. It did nothing to salvage the desiccated meat; in fact, it seemed to amplify its inherent awfulness. And the sides! Oh, the sides. The "creamy" coleslaw was anything but. It was a watery, vinegary mess with limp, lifeless cabbage that had clearly given up on life. The "cornbread" was dense and crumbly, tasting like it had been baked sometime during the previous presidential administration. I genuinely feared chipping a tooth with each bite. The only thing remotely edible on the plate was the single, forlorn pickle spear, which, in its sour solitude, seemed to be silently mourning the fate of its plate-mates. The service was about as enthusiastic as the food. Our server seemed actively annoyed by our presence, grunted when we asked for more water (which, by the way, was desperately needed to try and rehydrate the beef jerky they dared to call brisket), and vanished for extended periods, leaving us to contemplate the sheer disappointment of our dining choices. Honestly, this experience was an insult to the very concept of barbecue. It was an affront to taste buds everywhere. I wouldn't recommend this establishment to my worst enemy, unless my worst enemy had a particular fondness for chewing on shoe leather and weeping into watery coleslaw. Save your money, save your appetite, and for the love of all that is smoky and delicious, go anywhere else. This place deserves zero stars, and if I could give it negative stars, I absolutely would. Consider yourselves warned.