The famed Bloomin' Onion, from what I can only assume is a vigorously-researched replication of a traditional Australian recipe, comes from Outback Steakhouse. I had long endeavored to sample this delicacy, but found it difficulty to justify ordering and consuming almost 2,000 Calories of an onion based dish on my own. Thankfully, the occasion arose to go with others.

The Bloomin' Onion, as a culinary concoction, is designed for spectacle, much like the ancient Greek theater. A mere ring is not enough for Outback Steakhouse. No, indeed, they need a bloom, perhaps trying to get diners to associate the greasy mass with a delicate rose. It's an interesting, and bold, concept.

Unfortunately, this Bloomin' Onion was not fully in bloom. While there was an attempt at a delicate fan around the ramekin of "spicy signature bloom sauce," which as far as I can tell was just a completely standard zesty sauce with a bit more seasoning poured in, it failed to fully encompass it. Some petals fell to the plate, wilted, as though defeated by the fryer.

The outer shell of breading was inconsistently coated, leading the the cracked, white husk of the onion interior to shine through. Not only was this flower not fully in bloom, it was scarred and damaged. The breading is a remarkably dark brown, and almost certainly overdone. By contrast, the onion seems raw and underdone, a bizarre and concerning mixture of appearances that does not bode well for this dish.

My initial suspicion as to the breading was confirmed on my first bite, as it was badly overdone and crunchy, bordering in some cases on burnt. However, the unique blend of spices and seasoning, which I can only assume is derived from authentic and traditional Australian cuisine, packs a delightful punch. While it doesn't quite make up for the other deficiencies of the breading, it helps a good deal.

The onion taste is likewise remarkably strong. According to a card on the wall in the waiting area, which I read approximately ten times as we waited, and waited, and waited to be seated, the onion was a unique delicacy known as a "spicy" onion. In my years of onion ring reviewing, I've never heard of this exotic crop. I can only assume it is another Australian contribution delivered by the 100% authentic Outback Steakhouse. Spicy though it may be, it is, as I predicted, undercooked.

Though I'm hesitant that their Bloomin' Onion sauce is as signature as they claim, it did deliver a strong complementary flavor to the Bloomin' Onion itself.

Again much like ancient Greek theater, the hubris of the Bloomin' Onion was the source of its own demise. The ambitious plating and presentation, if executed well, showed great potential, but alas.

The onions, as mentioned before, were horrendously underdone, and bordering on raw. I suspect the sheer size of the Bloomin' Onion makes it difficult to get a consistent cook each time. The batter was bizarrely overcooked at the same time, leading to a horrendously unique texture I've never encountered before now.

This mish-mash of texture was responsible for turning the Bloomin' Onion into a wilted rose, if you're feeling poetic, or a collapsed heap, if you're not. With each successive hack of another petal off of the bloom, it disintegrated to a greater and great extent. By the end of it, I was reduced to eating a pile of raw "spicy" onions next to a similar pile of overdone, though flavorful, batter.

Though the price tag of $8.99 would be steep for a standard order of onion rings, the audacious size of the Bloomin' Onion led to it being a more than filling appetizer for the four who consumed it. Though the execution, and the quality of the taste, was certainly lacking, it was a good amount of food. $8.99 for a bloomin, but it was a sufficient appetizer for four people. Quality was lacking, but it was a decent amount of food.