Keyport Coffee Cafe — Restaurant in Keyport

Maybe I came at the wrong time of day (mid-afternoon, so certainly a possibility), but I just wasn't that impressed with this place. My Millennial Chum and I stopped by this past Saturday after a mediocre lunch down the street, hoping to redeem our palates with something sweet (and I'm always a strong proponent of drinking my calories if given the opportunity).

Beyond the actual coffee, the environment within a coffeehouse to me is almost as important. And to be honest, I was a little uncomfortable in here. It was SUPER quiet when we walked in; you could literally hear a pin drop. I don't need to feel like I'm in a nightclub or anything, but some light ambience music would have helped. There were a solid handful of customers in there, and I felt like I had to whisper because it was that silent. It was like being late to a church service or something. Beyond that (and my chum disagreed with me about this, so I'd be curious about other opinions), it smelled musty, like a consignment shop. At the very least you'd expect the smell of freshly made coffee. Odd. Again, maybe it was just bad timing?

I ordered a double shot toasted marshmallow latte with skim milk, and the Millennial Chum got an iced caramel macchiato. Mine was okay - it didn't have much of a kick to it, and the flavor was a little overwhelming. The flavor though is on me; ideally I like lavender in my lattes, which they didn't presently have in stock (though the guy behind the counter assured me it was on its way) so I tried something new for the first and last time. The Millennial Chum did not like her drink, claiming it wasn't actually a macchiato. To be fair though, she's a classic high maintenance Starbucks disciple and this is not the first time she's had this type of issue at a mom-and-pop coffee establishment.

On the positive side, the service was excellent. The people behind the counter were very helpful/accommodating, and just super personable. My chum loved their complaint department joke display at the counter, which resulted in a conversation about its back story (and her insisting that I take a picture of it - enjoy). Very nice people, and because of that, I'd be willing to come back at a different time of day to try something else. The intangibles are...

Avoid This Place Like the Plague

If you enjoy spending $6 on a drink you’ll end up throwing in the trash, then maybe this coffee shop is for you. Otherwise? Save yourself the disappointment.

I asked for an iced latte with only two shots of espresso—you know, like a normal modification that any halfway decent barista can manage. The girl behind the counter looked at me like I had three heads and informed me, dead serious, that their "recipe" is FOUR espresso shots and they cannot change that. Excuse me? You can’t just… pour less espresso? Is the machine cursed or something?

I explained that I can’t handle strong coffee due to stomach issues, and she still filled three-quarters of the cup with espresso and threw in a sad splash of almond milk like she was doing me a favor. It was pitch black. Bitter. Completely undrinkable. She clearly didn’t care—zero empathy, zero flexibility, and zero basic customer service.

I walked out shaking my head, took a sip in the car, and dumped the whole thing the moment I got home. What a complete waste of time and money.

This place doesn’t deserve your business. Customer service is non-existent, and if you dare to ask for anything other than their precious "recipe," expect attitude and a...

I don’t want to give a poor rating because the place is cute and nice. But I asked for an ice latte and I have no idea what they gave me. It was more like intensely strong and dark colored iced coffee, with grounds filling up the bottom of the cup. I tried to tell the woman but it seemed like she didn’t believe me. I had to throw it away and I’m a little annoyed I wasted money.

EDIT: I just wanted to edit based on their reply. "They are made with espresso" was the same thing the woman said to me in person when I told her the latte tasted extremely strange. I don't understand how that is an explanation. I know lattes are made with espresso. That doesn't explain the tons of grounds on the bottom of the cup or the insane weird flavor it had. I've had ten thousand lattes in my life and I basically know what they are supposed to taste like and what they are made from. This place clearly doesn't know how to make them or had some sort of malfunction that day. I'm lowering my rating because I don't appreciate the nonsensical explanation. I wish there were other places in this area because I'm in town again this week and it looks like I'll have better luck at a Dunkin Donuts...