Cuban Eddie's River Vale — Restaurant in River Vale

I’ve been coming here for lunch almost every day during the week for myself and my crew, and even dinner pretty often. You’d think being a loyal, regular customer would mean some consistency — but nope. Every single time, it’s like I’m playing roulette with who’s behind the counter and what “rules” they’ve decided to make up that day.

All I ever ask for is simple: chicken legs from the stew. No rice, no beans. That’s it. Sometimes they’ll do it, sometimes they’ll argue I can “only get roasted chicken,” sometimes they’ll try to charge me full price without the sides. One week, a woman rang me up just fine, even added chicken legs as an add-on because I didn’t want the meal. Another time I got three pieces with lunch, another time only two. No rhyme, no reason, just whatever they feel like in the moment. Bizarre.

The staff spends more time glued to their cell phones than paying attention to customers. Half of them can’t be bothered to communicate clearly, and when they do, they’re busy speaking in Spanish, assuming customers can’t understand. Spoiler: some of us do. Hearing the rude comments behind the counter isn’t exactly a good look for a business that wants to keep its doors open.

And the phones? None of the numbers work. Call the one posted on the door and no one ever answers. You can’t get ahold of anyone — no callback, no communication. How is this still considered an acceptable way to run a business?

It blows my mind that this place is still in business. Probably because some of the meals are dirt cheap — and sure, in this economy, people appreciate affordability. But with service this inconsistent and reviews stacking up, I’m shocked they stay as busy as they do. Primus Park Mall is basically a ghost town, and the Rivervale and Dumont locations are mostly packed at lunchtime only, thanks to landscapers and construction workers grabbing a quick bite.

Instead of opening new locations left and right, maybe focus on cleaning up the ones you already have and figuring out how to get a consistent system in place. The floors are dirty, the customer service is all over the place, and the whole experience screams mismanagement. It doesn’t surprise me at all that the rating hovers at a 4.0 — if anything, that feels generous.

Do...

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Unlike the name of this place I'm ACTUALLY Cuban and Puerto Rican with a splash of Italian. In no way shape and form is this actual Cuban food. Nay nay I say. I went here last night for my birthday dinner. -Picadilo was dry, over salted and had WAY to many olives in it. Not to mention it was microwaved. 🤢🤮 -Chicken soup might as well have been out a can. -sweet plantains (Maduro) were small hard and almost tasteless. -im not even gonna go into the black beans and white rice!!! My abuelita would be break dancing in her freaking grave right now if she knew y'all served that and claimed it was cuban rice and beans. -tostones, they were actually good! I was surprised cause everything else tasted like it was made from a trash panda down on his luck.

Now, maybe this was just a fluke! Maybe I came in on a day that the cook just lost a loved one or his house burned down and he wasn't in the game. So, I'm gonna come back in for one more shot at it. But so help me if I have to spend one more sleepless night punishing my toilet cause you all can't get the proper spice to meat ratio I'm going to be really upset!...

Little disappointed tonight, not gonna lie. No possible way to get through on the phone to ask any questions before ordering, or after regarding items that were missing from our order. Even #4 option for "problem with your order" did not elicit a live response, no matter how many times we called... Right up till the "we are closed" recording started. It's a shame to have the experience diminished by simple lack of human response.

The Jackie's Way sandwich sounded good, but was far more underwhelming bread than sandwich and we really missed our chips/extras that were left out. 😒

Previously: Love stopping by for their value-priced empanadas when we want a quick meal! Cuban Eddie's also serves up a $5 anytime meal that puts fast food joints to shame. Cooked fresh daily, this makes a great change from usual take-out fare! Easy...