The FOOD That single star I gave it is shelf out of pity. It was by no means earned. SO,… as you may clearly observe from the photos, I was hungry. Not to worry, I won’t gain any weight tonight. That is because 2 hits later I’m still hungry. Everything is so bereft of flavor that I am in no way inspired to eat.

Actually, the reason I ordered so much is that I was a 30-minute drive from home and in a hurry to get there so ordered a small buffet believing I was guaranteed to find amongst these at least one dish that I would prefer. I did not.

At six feet tall and a heaping 168 pounds even if I could eat this munch I’m unlikely to put on weight. I would simply burn it off. I’ll have much more to say about the food later but first this:

The SERVICE NOTHING says “We really don’t care” like not correctly fulfilling one’s order. I ordered — and was charged for — 3 orders of brown rice and a “hand roll”. My bag contained none of that. They did however, throw in one small container of white rice… which is free, while brown rice is an up-charge. While we’re on the subject of charges, the hostess placed a pen and paper on the counter and hurried off needle I could sign it. So I gave them a pity star for service. One more thing before I get back to the food:

The ATMOSPHERE Although I ordered takeout, I did feel the vibe when I stepped inside to retrieve my order. Boring and unhappy.. In addition to the lone pity star I did give them an actual star simply because I stayed in my car until I was certain my order was ready. I entered the sound of raindrops hitting the windshield.

Finally, more about the FOOD “APPETIZER: A morsel or two taken ahead of the main course to stimulate the appetite”. I began with the California Roll. In one of the photos it’s the two things each with three sections reminiscent of the body of a large ant. I cannot remember what it’s supposed to be made of because I could not discern any ingredient. (Referring to menu) Certainly not the “crabstick” listed as the first ingredient. Maybe there’s supposed to be a skewer once used to procure the crab from the murky waters. In any event, these in no way reminded me of California. On to the Crispy Spicy Salmon Roll, which was in fact none of those, although it does emit an unpleasant odor of fish. Appetizing, they were not. Still searching fire simmering I was willing to eat I moved on to the Pad Thai Chicken. They should call this dish Pad Thai Noodles because that’s about all I found in there. Interestingly, stuck to the underside of the lid are a few scraps of dark green stuff that probably is overcooked cabbage. Those must have been inadvertently dropped there from a serving utensil headed for someone else’s order because I found no cabbage, green nor white, in the dish. There are very few small scraps of something that doesn’t taste at all like chicken, nor anything else. There is no sauce.

SPEAKING of sauce, tempura sauce is mentioned so many times in the menu that I truly expected that they “put that stuff on everything”. They did not. However, they did put two very small tubs of liquid in the bag. I did not order any sauce, tempura or other, yet it seemed like they are really pushing that tempura sauce so I hoped it would give some flavor’ to everything. First I poured just a bit of it on some noodles and tasted it only to find that it is merely some cheap and very salty soy sauce.

SURELY the troops would save the day I hoped. Apparently General Tso’s Chicken comes from a single manufacturer and is distributed to every restaurant in our great nation. Only that could explain why it seems always to taste the same everywhere. NOKU must be an upscale restaurateur because only they are allowed to serve this unique version of General Tso’s Chicken which is absolutely free of flavor.

Aha! Perhaps I am mistaken in declaring Noku food to be devoid of taste. Note, 3 hours after sampling and rejecting 2 meals and 2 side dishes I have a distinctly unpleasant taste in my mouth. Literally, as well as figuratively.