Grandma's Playroom — Attraction in Green Park

Arrival:

You walk in expecting blocks and juice boxes. Instead, there’s a neon pink sign that reads: “WELCOME TO GRANDMA’S. CHECK YOUR INNOCENCE AT THE DOOR.” And oh, you thought the toy chest was for LEGOs? Nope. It’s filled with butterfly knives, a Glock with glitter, and what looks suspiciously like nunchucks made out of teething rings.

⸻

Environment:

The walls are painted in pastels, but violence is everywhere. There are crayon scribbles, but one of them definitely says “STAB STAB” in Comic Sans.

There’s a ball pit, but don’t go in. There’s a raccoon in there. We don’t know where he came from. He doesn’t leave. His name is Kyle now.

And hanging above the changing table? A sign that reads: “Supervise your kids or I supervise you.” —Love, Grandma.

⸻

Staff: • Grandma (Owner): Wears a different wig every single day. Yesterday it was blue. Today it’s fire truck red. Tomorrow? It might be snakes. You don’t know. She’s unhinged and unstoppable. • The one that’s autistic and looks delusional: She’s autistic, brilliant, and has coated literally every surface in E6000 glue. Tables? Glued. Blocks? Glued. A child’s Crocs? Glued to the floor and now part of the décor.

Parent Notes:

One dad came in asking if it was “Montessori-style.” He was removed by Grandma for “asking too many questions.” A mom tried to complain about the “visible guns.” Grandma responded with: “Ma’am, those are decorative. This is a constitutional playroom.”

⸻

Final Thoughts:

Grandma’s Playroom is the only daycare where your toddler learns how to do a tactical roll, count to 10, and assemble a crossbow—all before snack time. It’s wild, dangerous, completely inappropriate, and somehow… educational?

Would I recommend it? Only if you want your kid to come home knowing how to say “stand down” in five languages and craft a functional weapon from pipe cleaners...

I am a grandma of twins . I have been bringing the boys here since there are four months old and they’re presently going to be two in March . This is definitely their happy place ! They love grandma and when I pull up in front of the play room I let them know where were at and I can’t wait to get in here . There are times that there are a lot of kids here and all seem to play well together never any problems . Grandma‘s always here to help me since I have two boys when I get out of the car when I have to change one of their diapers or anything I need . I’m really upset that there’s any bad reviews for grandma‘s Playhouse as there really should be many more places like this at around for children to play! I didn’t have anything like this to take my own kids to when they were young and it’s wonderful that twins can experience it !! If you have little ones you need to come and check it out because there’s not another...

I'm from Chicago - there are a few places like this up there and they're all a good time for kids.

This place, however, is special. The owners are what make this place a magical haven for tiny people. They care about the kids and go above the real of what they're supposed to do. For example, the female owner NEVER stops moving. She's always tidying up, disinfecting, engaging, smiling. She never looks mad, and she never loses her cool. She's just so dang nice... Since I've moved to this area, I've been here ten or fifteen times. Never had a bad experience. Sometimes the kids or parents are crappy, but that's life. When a kid is being extra destructive to the point where it affects multiple children or can potentially destroy the establishment, the owner respectfully intervenes, and never causes a scene. Can't say enough good about this woman and her husband.

The infant area is full of toys to stimulate little minds, too. My...