Broken Hearts Burger Club - Ashgrove — Restaurant in Brisbane City

Broken Hearts Burger Club – Ashgrove Visit: 12:30 PM, Friday 21/03/25

Let’s start with this: I like to give businesses a fair go. But walking into Broken Hearts Burger Club, I immediately had that gut feeling—you know, the one that whispers, Turn around, save yourself. But against my better judgment, I stayed. The decor? A masterclass in “trendy neglect.” The cleanliness? Let’s just say, I’ve seen fast-food dumpsters with more charm.

The place wasn’t exactly buzzing—three tables, seven diners, and one guy slumped against the wall waiting for his order like he’d just received some bad news. I glanced at the ultra-minimalist menu above the counter: one section labeled “Fancy” and another labeled “Classic.” Both offered single, double, and triple options, plus smashed grilled onion for an extra $2. TWO BUCKS? For ONION? Shouldn’t that just be in a smashed burger? What’s next, charging extra for the cheese in a cheeseburger?

I approached the counter, ready to roll the dice. Me: “Just a burger, thanks.” Cashier: “Fancy or Classic?” Me: “What’s the difference?” Cashier: “Fancy has lettuce and tomato.” Me, internally: Oh wow, lettuce and tomato? Slow down, 1970s McDonald’s!

Then came the price: $17.50 for this so-called “Fancy” burger. Seventeen-fifty! For that kind of money, I was expecting a burger that would serenade me while I ate it. But I paid up, took my receipt, and leaned against the wall, feeling like an exhibit in a petting zoo while the seated diners chewed in slow motion.

Less than two minutes later, my order was up. Two minutes. I don’t know about you, but when a burger is “cooked to order” in less time than it takes to tie your shoelaces, alarm bells start ringing. The cashier handed me a giant bag, which briefly restored my faith—until I picked it up. It was lighter than my will to stay in that place. I took my meal to the car, opened the bag, and stared at what can only be described as a McDonald’s cheeseburger’s malnourished cousin.

$17.50. For this.

The burger itself? Looked like it had lost a fight with a rolling pin. Smashed, indeed—it was a crime scene between two buns. I took a bite. Crunchy lettuce? Sure, for the premium price I’d expect it to personally introduce itself. But the patty? Greasy. Under-seasoned. The cheese? So forgettable I forgot it was even there. The bun? Turned into a soggy mess before I could even finish. The whole thing was an unbalanced, oily, overpriced disappointment.

Final thoughts? First visit. Last visit. 1/10. That single point is only because they got it to me in under two minutes—though in hindsight, that’s probably not a positive. My advice to Broken Hearts Burger Club: Clean your store. Seriously. Clean your kitchen. I don’t even want to think about what’s going on back there. Make your burgers bigger. You’re charging steakhouse prices for snack-sized sandwiches. Lower your prices. Your biggest competitor is a $7 Big Mac, and right now, Ronald’s winning. Improve the waiting area. I don’t want to feel like I’m being judged by a bunch of strangers gnawing on overpriced grease patties.

Until then, the only “broken heart” here is mine—for my wallet...

Ok, first cab off the rank is the burgers. We ordered a classic and a fancy. And boy oh boy were they delicious. Nice and juicy, just the way a smashed patty should be. The chips were fine but not really worth the price.

I like the small simple menu and i get what they're going for, but i think its been over simplified. It would nice to see what the actual difference between the classic and the fancy is, without having to ask. (Its tomato and lettuce by the way).

Now lets talk about the wait times. 50 minutes for 2 burgers, is just not cricket. We got to the store at about 5:50pm on a friday and didn't get our burgers untill 6:40 pm. There were 3 young people working the kitchen who were obviously under the pump, which is expected on a Friday night. But it honestly seemed like they had no direction back there. There was no leadership. Nobody taking charge. Little to no communication between themselves or the customers. If we had been told to expect a long wait, we would of taken our business elsewhere.

This isn't a dig at the 3 people working there. They were giving it a red hot go(especially after copping flak from some of the other hangry patrons). Many of us have worked low paying jobs for companies/businesses who offer little to no support and deliver subpar training to their staff. This is call to the managers/owners to show some leadership and ensure that your staff have sufficient training and have a clear understanding of what their roles are.

Maybe then, your customers wouldn't have to wait 50 minutes for 2 burgers....which were...

The burgers are the perfect level of sloppiness but also hold their shape. They taste good. If you don't get the Oklahoma add-on then ur a chump. The drinks selection is fine. The wait times aren't that bad unless you go at dinner time on a weekend (and then of course they're longer you dolt).

The staff are fine. They get the job done, take tha money, make tha burger. I couldn't care if they're stoned behind that counter, as long as I keep getting yummy yummy burgers to fill my tummy, fill my tummy so wide that my skintight suit starts stretching and splitting I'm finding it a struggle to speak because my neck is getting so big so all I can let out is a desperate burble then the clothes start ripping off fully, and everybody in the restaurant can see me and they're laughing as I grow larger and larger, large enough to fill the store and they are still pointing and laughing at me even as my flesh presses them up against the walls, the glass, laughing as I can hear bones snap, one-by-one, all around me, like being surrounding by small, weak firecrackers, one to my left, one to my peripheral, over and over until. silence. I push through the glass, it shatters easily from my bulk. I turn and see nothing there. Empty store. But I will see it again tonight. I am normal-sized....