Alfred's Kitchen — Restaurant in Guildford

Listen here, buck-o!

Don't be coming here with your preconceived ideas of what a burger joint should look like or how you might like to experience the world without interactions or your own personal streaming mixtape.

You're kidding yourself, and we don't care.

I remember coming back in the late 90s - still the same. This is like a hot-tub time machine, but in a train car. A Train-Car Time Machine. Yes. This is what this is.

See how your parents spent their mis-spent youth. Enjoy the experience of waiting in the line to order your food, waiting by the open fit-pit next to the road, but just far enough to not actually better in traffic (on a slow night), marvel at the madness of taking your food over to the TCTM to get out of the rain and rub parkas with your fellow human being enjoying the same experience as you, in full 3D Smell-O-Vision.

Use ice-cold fingers to shovel lovingly created, full flavoured, fried whatever-it-is into your cake-hole while listening to everyone else talk about their lives using their best Sunday Roast manners.

You need to see what life was like before all this... skibbiti toilet... cash me outside... self-flagellation became normal. Or just ditch the kids and sneak out for a quick zzzzzap back in time to when things were simpler and we were all far less tired.

Love Alfred's then, absolutely loved it now. Best experienced in winter, when it's raining, possibly with an old flame you haven't seen in years. Don't tell ya husband! (He'll only...

I've been a frequent customer over the years to Alfred's Kitchen and the food has always been top notch. Last night however was a different story. We ordered 2x cram burgers and 1x hotdog and discovered both were stone cold not long after beginning the journey home. We tried to eat the burgers but had to throw them away because of the toughness, and rubbery taste and texture of the steak. The steak is usually top quality so this was bitterly disappointing. Additionally, don't try to contact them over Facebook because they will leave you on read without dignifying you with a response. I eventually went in to ask for a refund and was told the manager was busy so the front staff would try to deal with my request. The best they could do was offer a replacement for the 2x cram burgers, which I opted to take them up on. I tried to redeem the offer but the lady at the counter was told by her boss they could only offer the one replacement cram. I accepted this and attempted to make the order again but was then relayed that the boss would only provide the replacement burger if I ordered something else in addition to it. Staff miscommunication and the lack of professionalism by the boss in not wishing to take accountability for this matter personally was extremely disappointing. I was incredibly let down in my recent experience and will likely not return to Alfred's Kitchen because of it. My advice is to go to Joey's Swan Valley Diner where their burgers are always hot,...

After hearing about Alfred’s for ages and wanting to go, we finally got there. I was a little underwhelmed if I’m being honest. The buns were big but the burgers themselves were nothing really special. Not a lot of flavour. It felt, looked and tasted like a burger I’d have in someone’s home. (We’ve tried out a few reputable burger joints around Perth and this was what I was expecting from Alfred’s, but not even close, completely different league). We ordered standard burgers with cheese and bacon. After about 20 mins our order was ready to collect. We wanted to sit in the train carriage but it was now closed. (We arrived just before 10pm and by the time our food was ready the carriage was closed). After we sat and had started eating we realised there was no cheese in either burger but after the wait we had had, we didn’t bother about going back for it. We also ordered the pea and ham soup - now this WAS good - the best part of the order. The service was interesting. The swearing wasn’t at us, we knew that. It was directed at the cash register she was trying to operate. Several F words to us, which I’ll admit was entertaining and we laughed but I’m not sure if everyone would laugh (from a customer service point of view). The chips were good - salt your own. I loved looking at the nostalgic old metters stoves that the big pot of pea and ham soup were sitting on. Charm plus. Alfred’s kitchen is 75 years old. I’m glad we ticked it off our list but likely...