Tim Hortons — Restaurant in Calgary

I’m new to the area, living nearby at Glamorgan Manor, trying to piece together reality one meal at a time. So naturally, I wandered into Tim Hortons on 37th Street SW, expecting caffeine and comfort. What I got was more akin to a spiritual cage match between pastry gods and my remaining brain cells.

☕ THE COFFEE I ordered a double-double. It arrived... triple-dark? I don't know. The foam spelled out “RUN” in cursive. It tasted like regret and burnt hockey jerseys. Yet somehow, I kept drinking it.

🍩 THE DONUTS

I asked for a Boston Cream. They gave me a Honey Cruller that squealed softly when I bit it.

The maple dip vibrated on the tray. I swear it tried to roll off the counter and escape.

One of my Timbits had teeth. Or maybe I hallucinated that. Either way, I didn’t finish it.

👁️ THE VIBES There was a man staring at the donut display like it held the final clue to an interdimensional riddle. The floor was slightly sticky, but not with soda. It felt like emotional residue. I dropped my napkin and a worker scooped it up, looked at me, and whispered, "He's watching you." Who? What? Why? I don’t know.

🎯 THE STAFF Polite, but… eerily calm. Like they were in on something. One barista greeted me by name before I said a word. My name is legally Captain Cyclops, and I was wearing sunglasses, so HOW?

3 stars because:

It was weird. Like, disturbingly weird.

The coffee technically had caffeine.

I might be haunted now.

Would I go back? Yes, but only with protective gear and a written will. You don’t eat at this Tim Hortons. You experience it.

If you value sanity, maybe go elsewhere. But if you enjoy watching your donut try to crawl off the tray while a mop bucket leaks...

It's always pretty crowded whenever I stop by here, which is not very often considering I don't really drink coffee or eat out that much, but that's to be expected because it's a very small location within a gas station and convenience store on Richmond. They deal with the lines decently and things are usually ready in a fair amount of time considering the line. Things are fairly priced here, and they're pretty good quality, but the only downfall is, because of its size, they don't really have a great selection of things, and they're quick to run out of their inventory (ie. they couldn't make me an iced capp once because they ran out). Also, this is a "grab and go" type of location -- as I said, it's literally inside the gas station convenience store, so there's virtually nowhere to sit down, as there are no tables or chairs. Overall, for the tiny thing it is, this Timmy's is pretty sufficient and will definitely be enough for a person grabbing a quick coffee and doughnut on their...

I don't think Tim Hortons is ready for mobile app orders. Placed mobile order with this location in the morning, when I got there 40mins later, they didn't even start making my other. They first said they didn't receive the order, asked me to check if I was at the right location. After I verified on my phone, they said the order just kicked in. If I have so much time to waste in the morning, why would I preorder?

Not just this location. Their app is bad with updating availabilities. Don't let me order it then tell me it's not available when picking up. I never saw them have the mobile app orders ready at an assigned area ready for pickup. I have to pass by the lineup to ask cashier about my order. People in the line would give me the look like I should line up.

Starbucks is doing a much better job with processing...