Apache Burgers — Restaurant in Toronto

A Frisky Cheeseburger

Today, I asked my wife if she'd like to go out for lunch. Gentlemen, that one question can earn you so many points in a marriage. I'm truthfully surprised that more men don't actually use this strategy, or know of this strategy, to make their lives and marriages more comfortable. Me, I use it all the time.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, Make a cheeseburger reservation for your wife. It's all so good, it's all so nice, A very happy marriage, without any strife.

In Toronto, in my opinion, there are only two places for a great cheeseburger. I've eaten at both, and submitted my findings to people who work in the trades, for verification. If you ever want to know the best places to eat in Toronto, just ask any member of the trades. Those folks know a good burger restaurant when they find it. In fact, the number of trades' vans in the parking lot of a restaurant, is a very good indicator of the food quality, and quantity. Do not use this formula for brothels though. After exhaustive research by yours truly, the two best burger restaurants in Toronto are, in my humble opinion:

The Burger Shack at Eglinton and Oriole Parkway and Apache Burger at Dundas Street West and Jopling. Both of these restaurants were built in the fifties. Their decor has never changed. In fact, I'm quite sure that some of the wads of gum stuck to the undersides of those tables, was, for sure, chewed in 1956. DNA analysis would certainly support my beliefs. But you're not here for the ambiance. You're here for the best cheeseburger you've ever tasted. When you walk into either of these restaurants, you'll be stepping back in time, to a kinder gentler era, when men wore suits, when women wore dresses, when children were seen and not heard, and hamburgers were both a thing of beauty and taste. Of course, don't expect 1956 prices. The Red Barn twenty-five cent hamburger has long ago moved on. Let's face it, for the price of today's cheeseburger, in 1956, you could have had a prime rib dinner with all the trimmings, and in a fancy upscale restaurant too, complete with fancy candles and tablecloths, and certainly a younger spouse. You'll find neither at Apache Burger, or The Burger Shack. Instead, what you'll find is ratty seats and tables, a scruffy tile floor, and true aficionados of a damn fine burger. Chances are, you'll be served by an immigrant. In Toronto, almost everyone is from somewhere else, including me. But they are organized, efficient and reliable. Seldom do they get an order wrong. Both restaurants have the same system for organizing orders, and it works. It worked seventy years ago. It still works today. You don't mess with stuff that works. If you ever wonder why kids today can't read, it's probably because we messed with stuff that worked. The menu is short and sweet, but mostly burgers and things that go with them. Fries are fresh cut and crispy; onion rings are worth the purchase, according to my wife. Myself, I'm partial to the piping hot gravy. Any fry worth its salt, has to, eventually, be married to a cup of hot, tasty gravy. Fries and gravy are the happiest married couple ever. The honeymoon just never ends. Adding cheese to fries and gravy, makes for a delicious menage a trois. That would be the kinky honeymoon. There is some evidence that modern technology has come to visit these two burger joints. They have succumbed to the ubiquitous food delivery apps, like every other restaurant. But Apache Burger still only deals in cash. So, leave your debit and credit card at home if you're ordering at the counter. You can always tell a newbie at Apache Burger. They'll be the ones with plastic in their hand, and a look of dismay written upon their face when the 'cash only' truth is revealed to them. Staff direct them to an ATM machine on site, which will ding them a couple bucks for old fashion money. But still they cave. The burgers are that good. A lot of famous asses have sat in these restaurant seats. There is a kind of Rogue's Gallery at each of...

I don’t think I’ve ever been motivated enough to actually write a review, usually I’m easy going and just happy to get out and grab a bite with my husband. For context I worked in a very well known Italian sandwich spot for 10+ years and there was a line out the door all day every day, so I can appreciate a busy restaurant. Customer service and experience was drilled into us and I’ve always respected others working the line because it’s chaotic and yet very rewarding when you pleasantly serve happy customers.

That’s not what we experienced here, the service is honestly terrible. The people working the line were moving as fast as they could, bless them, they were doing their best. The issue here was with management and expedition.

I understand we live in a time where there are food delivery services like Uber eats, but it’s wholly wrong to have in store customers wait 30 minutes to even be acknowledged to place an order and over an hour to receive their food when there are only 10 -15 customers in line. We watched 3 sets of customers just walk out knowing it wasn’t worth the aggravation. We saw 15 Uber eats orders come in and head out the door before we were any where close to receiving our food. Not to say those aren’t paying customers that also deserve their food in a timely manner, but if you can’t handle the output, head over to your iPad and extend the Uber wait time so you have a chance to clear your customers in store or at least acknowledge their presence.

I know some might think well, maybe those Uber orders were placed before you walked in, but that wasn’t the case because uber drivers were showing up and being told they would have to wait at least 20 minutes. This only means one thing, they are letting the Uber orders roll in, unable to keep up and prioritizing getting them done as drivers walk in and pressure them… at the expense of all the people standing there waiting.

You could visibly see the frustration in the room as driver after driver got their bag and we all stood there staring at each other. At one point there was a light at the end of the tunnel as we saw out tray slide closer. Our sides were placed on the tray, and then sat there for 8 minutes before our burgers were ready. Now we were pissed off and eating cold fries, even more upset by the fact that they would have been pretty good had they been remotely warm. The burger was fine, no complaints, but also nothing to write home about. The woman behind the cash, who I presume to be the owner wasn’t phased and didn’t seem to be overly concerned by any of this. It was just off putting, we won’t be back.

Do your self a favour, go for a drive and grab a burger at Johnny’s or even Golden Star. You will leave with the same full belly and it won’t sour your...

NEW OWNER- HOW TO LOSE TWO 40 YEAR REGULAR CUSTOMERS IN 4 MINUTES Went in on May 8 around 1am. We ordered the usual..banquet, fries, pop. There were a bunch of orders going at once, one guy kept changing his mind causing extra work and mayhem for the guy who preps the condiments . I got interrupred by the guy changing his mind. Went outside , Realized In that gap I didnt get pickles . Understandable with the chaos. The guy who preps has made me 60 burgers flawlessly . At least. Good guy . No big deal, but I went in and asked for a few pickles to take out. The new owner ( wears a black cap) literally guns me down with the dirtiest look when I walked in . I was right, he was pissed? Why? I could have been ordering more for all he knew. He barks " What you want ?" All i said was " could i have a few pickles? " He barks again" did you ask for them ? ' i said "ya but no worries" Instead of just helping he turns it into a court trial to figure out guilt. . He calls the long term employee over , berates him openly yells at him and says " hey, did this guy ask you for a pickle ?" Hes a good guy, just wanted me to have a pickle and takes the high road and says " yes, i think he did " I daid " dont worry about it, its a miscommunication on my end" No reason to yell at the employee. Btw that gentleman is one of the regular faces that makes the place . Its familiarity that works for good burger joints . After he took the blame in the new owners court case the owner was still livid ( no reasonfor all this ) so he fished for the 2 skinniest pickle slices he could find . Nothing. I risked my life with this hot tempered person, and said " could you please throw another one in? " He says " now you have to pay extra " So now hes altering menu prices on the fly because hes angry for no reason ? Wth ? Dont need to get yelled at , interrogated then told Id be charged extra. For a GD pickle. Been a regular for 40 years, as was my friend in the car. Never going back for more abuse. Wouldn't be surprised if that awesome long term employee had enough of getting...