The Alchemist Cheltenham — Restaurant in Cheltenham

I really liked this place. Picked because the veggie burger wasn't a protein specified one. It was just a generic description which meant it's unlikely to be too dull or rich. It was a good choice. My daughter loved it. I had the cheeseburger. I said to my guests that it looked a bit small. However, half way through I was full up! The waitress knew the seasonal fish which makes a change. I hate it when they can't give Provence. I was a fresh fish buyer for years so I like to know. My other mate had a bang bang salad that looked bloody amazing. They happily bought us all extras we asked for. The waiting staff were kind and good humoured. The theme and the decor as well as the smoking potion drinks were a gas. We didn't engage ourselves but we saw others. It was just a really nice place. We'd been let down by an error on the Cineworld website and then the bowling alley made an error and we couldn't have a lane so my daughter's day out treat from her Godfather was spoilt. Thank God for the Alchemist for giving her a big smile and a fun afternoon. We are losing her mum to a glioma tumor and it's getting very bad. She and I need all the happy experiences we can get. I'm quite a fussy prat so to say that nothing at all was wanting is not common for me.

To others reading, the comments in the bad reviews make no sense. The dress code let me in with shorts and my scruffy mate who looks like a vagrant so no judgemental door staff that we saw. The food is not plain, and the reason it's expensive is the comfort, the artwork and decor and the happy helpful staff. It's not any more costly than other places but it at least ticks all the boxes to warrant it. You can go to Prezzo and save a tenner and have tepid average food, boxes and stationery being moved around you, cheap implements, serviettes, chipped worktop tables, and a waiter insincerely asking if everything is okay six times as you are eating and trying to talk Or you can spend the extra and be in inspiring environs with great food, lovely drinks and floor staff that leave you alone but are always there to be called if needed (asking "is everything okay?" more than once is my all time hatred in restaurants. Alchemist passed that one with flying...

"Light the way" They said. I held the Bunsen burner close to my chest, my guiding light. The room was humid and dense, the flame dwindling. Sweat clung to me as i waded through the thick, cream-like swamp that was once The Alchemist. The dry ice, once a feast for the eyes, had overgrown. Now stripped to a vulgar visage, contorted and broken. "It shall be writ upon Thy meagre grave" It spoke, "felled by the beastly god of carbon dioxide." My crew stood behind me trembling, their burdened hearts weak and their toiled minds broken. The beast struck, cleaving the skulls of my friends, their brains coalescing into a visceral goo. The Beast scooped the cranial jelly into its palm, placing it into a small beaker and then wedging a sparkler into their soft, grey matter. It beckoned me forth, "Drink" it demanded. "Or is it such? A measly thing like you? Unable to drink this... Ambrosia? Sweet nectarine of the Gods? Thou'rt unfit to behold this vestige of thine friends." The Beast gulped the conglomeration which sluggishly dripped its way down The Beast's gullet. I lay there amongst the defiled corpses of my friends. The Beast stared down at me with such comtempt. It screeched before slunking away to its shallow alcove. It remains there to this day, staring me down. I have no clue why it let me live. To suffer? Does it enjoy my anguish? Could dry ice even be capable of such despisal? Surely not, yet my impressions of dry ice have been stunted before. One thing is for certain, The Beast is surely...

We stopped by The Alchemist in Cheltenham for pre-dinner drinks, and it seems to live up to what it claims to be. They promise an experience, with a little theatre and a little magic, and that’s what you get. From the moment you walk in, there’s a sense you’re in for something different.

We ordered a range of drinks, some in metal oyster shells, one with smoke and bubbles and one that changed colours as you added the liquids yourself.

But it’s not just gimmicks, every cocktail we tried was genuinely delicious, well-balanced, and while some the drink prices are expensive, it is hard to know what you’re comparing the price to, both with respects to the ingredients and the spectacle.

For anyone who hasn’t been, it’s worth a visit for a special occasion or an evening out with a special person. If you’re not sure what you and your date will talk about, the novelty factor of your first order will get the conversation started. If you’re less worried about that and just want to try something different, The Alchemist will definitely fit the bill.

If you’re in Cheltenham and haven’t been yet, I’d encourage you to find a reason to swing by. Get a cocktail, enjoy the show, and start your night off with something special. I’m...