Swell Cafe — Restaurant in London

I was sitting within the walls of swell cafe, I saw a man by the name of Jedi General Tralgus walk over to my table with a notepad in hand. He wore long robes, similar to that of his Ancient Jedi shrouded Robes. I noticed in his robes a hanging metalic lightsaber that seemed to have a green aura surrounding the object. I look up slightly more to see engraved, red and pussing warts that seemed to be bleeding all over his pale smiling face. I could see his greasy glasses drip onto the notepad as he lent over the table, edging closer to me. He took out a pen that looked tiny compared to his fat hands, he wrote down my order of in a swift manor, it consisted of A double bacon sandwich and a free pass to the Jedi Academy Training Facility. He dashed of and in no time he had my voucher and food ready for me. I pull out my ever so empty wallet to find I have no money to pay for these luxuries. I said to him "I do not have the money you need my master", he said with a wave of his hand "You have a bank account full of your life savings to pay with". I was unable to control myself and repeated the words he had said. I then took out my laptop and got my bank to pay Swell Cafe the money I owed. I then went homeless and hungry due to the price of the food, still worth it. I would relive this again and again. The feeling of pain within my stomach was worth the roast dinners Tralgus...

Drink was a bit slow to arrive but was busy Staff are friendly . Amazingly clean apart form the toilets that for me is a big nono dead moths litterd the window seal this I did not like . Bruger looks cooked well but bun a little burnt Chips tasted good crispy and texture was good . Some where allso burnt but again they weher busy if they improve on this I will change my rating to a 5 the decor is hard to put my finger on a mixture of beach and amarican styel Cash payment only . This maybe a issue for some I think they should put this sign on the window Desert was lovely only bad thing about it is the cake was a little dry Final thorts If I came to the Swell cafe u will have a lovely time. They look after there customers like there family and I will be back for more very soon. Thank u to the hard...

Orpington is not short of places to eat but none better than the Swell. I visited last week for the first time and ordered the #3 breakfast. It was soo good. Particularly enjoyed the mushrooms. The toast, bread cut nice n thick. I demolished the whole breakfast. It also came with a coffee. I was served by a particularly welcoming lady. Nothing too much trouble. The tables were clean as was the whole dining area. I didn't use the washroom. I highly recommend you give Swell a chance to...