The Swan — Restaurant in London

I visited the Swan in Stockwell recently and I'm appalled to share that it was an absolute travesty of an experience - a one-star rating is almost being too generous. If you have any sense of self-respect or safety, stay away from this place!

The music was nothing short of trashy, catering more to teenagers on their first wild night out rather than any discerning adult. And it didn't stop at the music - the venue itself felt cheap and haphazardly thrown together. When the clock ticks 18, I urge you to explore other places for a wholesome clubbing experience.

The layout of the venue is disorienting at best, and outright dangerous at worst. It took our group an alarming 10 minutes to locate the exit amidst the suffocating crowd - a frightening prospect in case of any emergencies. I urge local authorities to look into this immediately, as it's clear this venue is flouting safety regulations that would have led to its closure in other jurisdictions.

Adding to the sense of unease, we observed that the club seemed to have a relaxed attitude towards checking IDs, an alarming thought when considering the potential for underage attendees. Our group, which clearly falls under the age-check radar, didn't get ID'ed at all - a glaring red flag.

One of the most shocking aspects of our visit was the excessive pricing. An entry fee of £15 is quite steep for what you get in return. Trust me, investing a few more pounds will buy you a far more enjoyable and safer night in other London clubs.

The bouncers were outrageously rude and unprofessional, acting as if they were on some bizarre power trip. The way they treated our group was shameful. More than once, we saw them act aggressively towards patrons, with one even resorting to physical violence.

Furthermore, the management seems to encourage a cash-only entry system, ostensibly to obfuscate the true number of attendees. Inside, the club was packed to the gills, movement was next to impossible, and queuing for drinks felt like an exercise in courting danger.

Lastly, but certainly not least, the type of clientele that frequent the Swan does nothing to alleviate the grim ambiance. Several patrons seemed to exude an air of criminality, making us feel uneasy throughout our stay.

In conclusion, the Swan is a club to avoid unless you're willing to gamble with your safety and dignity. It's overpriced, hazardous, and lacks the basic amenities of a respectable clubbing experience. Please look elsewhere for a safe,...

£15 entry fee for a place with nowhere to sit—not even a bar stool. Drinks are overpriced, making it a complete rip-off and not worth the journey, even if it’s open until 5am. The ground floor near the bar is freezing because they leave the door to the beer garden open, and the security staff have a terrible attitude. One security guard followed me and my friend around, even getting a colleague to join him, just because my friend was rolling a cigarette in the garden. It felt like they were trying to find an excuse to kick us out.

The floors upstairs are dangerously slippery, especially on the stairs where people spill drinks from cheap plastic cups. It’s an accident waiting to happen. On top of that, the cloakroom is all the way on the top floor with a massive queue, and it still costs £1—something that should be included in the already expensive entrance fee.

The whole place is poorly managed, and for what? An ‘Irish atmosphere’ with a DJ playing Irish music mixed with old English tracks. I’d rather spend my time in a small, cosy, traditional pub than in this massive dive full of immature 19-year-olds and random middle-aged people. Definitely...

One of the worst places I have ever been too. The Bouncers specifically do not care and will feel all over you making you feel extremely uncomfortable. What a horrible time I had at this bar I would not recommend it or its prices or late hours to anyone.I rarely write bad reviews, but this place earned it. From the moment we walked in, the vibe was off—unwelcoming and chaotic. We stood at the bar for nearly 15 minutes before anyone acknowledged us, even though it wasn’t that crowded. When the bartender finally came over, they seemed annoyed to be doing their job.

The drinks were overpriced and watered down. My “signature cocktail” tasted like flat soda with a splash of cheap liquor. My friend’s beer was warm, and when we asked for a cold one, we were met with an eye-roll and told “that’s all we’ve got.”

The music was way too loud for a place that was half-empty, and don’t even get me started on the bathrooms—filthy, no toilet paper, and a sink that barely worked.

Overall, this place feels like it’s coasting on a reputation it no longer deserves. Poor service, bad drinks, and an atmosphere that makes you want to leave. We...