The Brandling Villa — Restaurant in Newcastle upon Tyne

Firstly, the barman, I forget his name, skinny guy, with the eyes of a serpent, a total disgrace to barmen all over the world. When I drink, I don’t want to be looked at, in fact I don’t even want to speak, especially about Bohemianism and bamboo room dividers. I told this guy twice that I’m not interested in his thoughts on vintage rocking chairs made from wicker, or fabrics from the 1970’s. I WAS interested in his thoughts on being a barman though, but he seemed uncomfortable with the question, probably has self esteem issues and dodged it by speaking in senseless riddles, like a very poor mans Jim Morrison, minus the looks or charisma, poetry or flair, and instead spoke of his ‘real job’, which could possibly be a hotel maintenance man dealing solely in the upkeep of the Corby trouser press, but I didn’t hang around long enough through fear of picking up a barstool and smashing myself to death with it just so I didn’t have to hear his nonsense.

There was also some racist graffiti in the men’s toilets, aimed at television personality Andi Peters and his presence in said toilet and what unfolded when he was there. It was slanderous stuff aimed at a BBC stalwart and I had to use a car key to scrub it out of the tile grout. I know staff can’t be on hand to check every minute of the day, but when I retire to a rest room I don’t want to read this vile depravity which could probably only ever be heard in hushed tones, in the afterlife, while lining up at the gates of Hell.

The menu? I ate something named after Biker Grove, the children’s television series but it seemed to consist of processed food. When I complained, I was told that it was a sly and ironic mocking of local poor people (you can check this out by visiting the website). Yes, the mocking of the diet of poor people via an item on the food menu. Maybe they should rethink the menu and move with the times, perhaps hand out tins of beans and other dry products and call it the ‘food bank’ series where they will charge you £20 for two courses consisting of Cornflakes and Supernoodles.

A vile lair where the classes are well and truly marked out, without fear or sympathy. One can only hope that The Brandling Villa will sink into the ground while it’s staff are catapulted straight into the sun.

And Andi Peters would never visit...

my family and i usually really love the brandling villa but had a weird experience tonight! my brother who is 19 (it was his birthday today) went to the bar to order a pint and didn’t have his id which is completely his fault i understand that totally, so they didn’t let him get one which is ofc completely understandable. so he went back to the table to ask my dad to get him one which my dad did,, which i understand maybe isn’t the best way to go about it but he is of age and it’s legal to have a drink in a restaurant with your parents if they buy it for you when you’re 16 and my brother looks very obviously over 16. as my brother was taking a sip a very rude man came over and kicked us out with no explanation and we had to leave. i understand if someone doesn’t have their ID they can’t get served thats totally okay and fair but i think it’s abit extreme to get kicked out while we were having my brothers birthday meal out because my dad bought him a pint. a very odd interaction and probably won’t be returning which...

EDIT: I have now been since they changed their menu and now have gluten-free options. The options are NOT gluten free as I always get glutened - to the point that I no longer go or eat here. I would NOT recommend if you are coeliac.

I like that this place is so dog friendly and actively encourages them. The vibes are nice and it is a nice place to go. However, I feel that it tries a bit too hard to be different. The gluten free food options are atrocious (there is not even one item a gluten free person could eat) and the QR code on their menus leads to a dead web page so you cannot check for allergens without going to the bar. The prices are quite high for what they are selling also. They only accept card and refuse to accept cash at all which was not convenient for anyone in my party of 12. I am don't believe I would be back if it is up to me unfortunately. The staff are friendly though and there is a lot of...