Crumpets Cafe — Restaurant in St Helens

As an advocate for the too few remaining ‘greasy spoon’ cafés, Crumpets was beyond disappointing. Nowhere did it obviously state ‘cash only’, which would have been helpful. Also, the front window, where we sat, is obscured by a large Union flag in need of a wash with old map prints poorly affixed to it. Everywhere the ceiling is bedecked with often faded bunting. The decor is a pallid homage to jaded patriotism. The ceiling above us consisted of wooden planking, some of which was loose. We sat at a table near the door, then I went to the counter at the rear. I waited, waited, and waited for 7 minutes. Eventually I placed an order for the special breakfast (including coffee) and bacon & sausage on toast with a coffee. On attempting to pay with a debit card I was advised “cash only”; I returned to our table to try and scrape some cash together - to no avail. I returned to the counter to ask where the nearest ATM was, and was advised to head in the direction of Herons. I successfully returned from a 0.3 mile walk with some cash. My partner then joined a small queue at the counter, where he spent 12 minutes before being able to pay. During this time our food order arrived, he came back for his coffee to drink it whilst queuing. My order was not as described, with no toast or jam/marmalade as indicated on the board. As for the food that was presented - it was okay apart from my partner’s toast, which seemed to have been made from out of date bread, and the cheap sausages. Then the final coup de grâce, “Where are the toilets?” my partner asked. He was accompanied to the cafe’s front door from where a distant shop was pointed out that had such a modern facility. My partner set off only for the staff member to realise that the suggested shop was closed. Unable to attract his attention, her colleague successfully screamed (startling those in the cafe) at him to return, which he did. We left immediately, to find sanitary salvation in Tesco only 2 minutes away by car.

Genuinely, neither of us could recall a worse ‘dining’ experience. ‘Fawlty Towers Café’ might be a suitable renaming suggestion - though with an absence of humour....

I really do believe in supporting local businesses, and I want to see this place continue to thrive. The staff are lovely and personable. That said, the food really was not great. The egg tasted of stale oil, the mushrooms were grim tinned variety, the breakfast tasted of nothing else other than the stale oil. The plate on which it was served was chipped. Also, there were more flags than at a UKIP conference, with a grim wrinkled magazine picture of the dead queen and Philip....

Needs a good clean, full of stains on wallpaper cobwebs on walls full of dust, I was served a cup of tea with stains on the outside looks like it hadn't been washed properly. The floor hasn't been cleaned properly the dirt In the corners were they divide tables everyone I could see was built up with dirt. If that's what your letting customer see and can't imagine what the kitchen is like that...