D'Lites — Restaurant in Austin

IF I were a cow, I would be so happy to give my sweet milk to the making of D'Lites Ice Cream. I know a cow, (Bessie) who has met the Blue Bell cow, (Bertha) and believe me, she is not happy with the D'Lites cow. The D'Lites cow is responsible for making a gastronomical delicacy which supports my gravitational and emotional equilibrium with a multi-flavor, exquisitely zealous dairy treat which when consumed by the gallon does not cause bloating, weight-gain, eye-bulge, nervous twitches, or the insatiable urge to sit in a motionless trance on your sofa while watching America's Got Talent. The dazzling array of imaginative flavors scintillate the pallet in an eye-rolling display of pleasure that should be considered delectably illegal. The Creme Brulee defies metaphorical description and tantalizes the tongue with it's smooth, almost unostentatious essence. The Birthday Cake Ice Cream surges like the light of a thousand incandescent candles, ignited with a delicate precision from the platinum-white spoon into the savory sensations of one's mouth for an eruption of pure and passionate ecstasy which transcends the feeling one gets when not getting pulled over when you know you have run three red-lights and made an illegal lane change in your rush to get to this place before the post-elementary school rush. And yet the Salted Caramel - together with a slight, Lilliputian amount of fudge, and a touch of whipped cream which is neither excessive or enough to cause a milk mustache, creates a cascading carnival of complex communion with the deity of your choice. The staff is made up of a vast array of young folk dedicated to sailing their proverbial vessels into the safe harbors of customer service, all before the sensational glacier of ice-cream melts or helplessly falls out of the zingy waffle cone. Unafraid to banter while expertly drizzling a small saturation of caramel over the beautiful countenance of chocolate and vanilla swirl while sprinkling a diminutive smattering of toasted almonds over the semi-frozen treat, their youthful energy is a positive compliment to the creamy sensation about to enter the system. I do not know how many different flavors D'Lites has, but it is sure to be greater than your local but now bankrupt Baskin-Robbins. In addition, there are a number of wonderfully enchanting edible confectionaries to bring supremely paranormal pleasure to the soul in an almost three-dimensional manner akin to watching two monarch-butterflies draw a circle on an etch-a-sketch while a mind-blowing symphony of trumpets announce their arrival to all five senses! I highly encourage everyone to proceed directly to the nearest D'Lites on William Cannon in south Austin without delay. If you should arrive after hours, simply park your car in the spacious lot and wait with nervous anticipation until they open the next day. The Blue Bell cattle herd is bound to look upon D'lites with a sumptuous jealousy at the D'Lites cow because the sweet insatiable treat is like a sultry vixen whose tempestuous manner seduces the most casual consumers of tasty treats. The pantheon of mythical after-dinner destinations, D'Lites can be found on the Mount Olympus of desert palaces normally reserved for connoisseurs of airy cheese-cakes and quiche, it's dairy cows mooing with all the bliss of La Dolcé Vita while Ave Maria plays to a chorus of angels in a manner in which the Blue Bell bovines can only bristle with beguiled confusion and resignation.

In short, D'Lites is...

Just left this place. I used to go here all the time for ice cream, it's down the street from my house. I walked in today, on my day off, excited to get some ice cream and enjoy it. I asked for a sample of an ice cream they had and I was told I cannot have a sample, they "don't do that anymore". She then described the flavor I was interested in as "hit or miss", you will either love it or hate it, basically doubling down on why I should get a sample and proving my point further. I ended up buying something entirely different that I am not entirely satisfied with because instead of giving me a tiny sample and me buying that because I like it, I'm supposed to buy a full size, then buy another one of another flavor if I hate it. They are obviously looking to maximize profit by making sure the customer has a bad experience. I will not ever buy anything from D'lites ever again. I will make sure my girlfriend who goes there regularly will never buy anything from D'lites ever again. I will make sure everyone I know never gives them business ever again. I will also make an effort to become a social butterfly and meet as many people as I can to talk them out of ever giving D'lites any business. All because they can't let me have a small sample of something the employee even claims I may love or I may hate. The only thing worse than D'lites and it's cheap policies is the employee who after telling me I may love it or I may hate it, should have realized she probably needs to let me sample something I just may have loved and started going back more frequently for, further boosting their business. Now they have lost my business forever and have set me on a mission to make sure noone I know or ever meet will ever give them...

Wednesday is my favorite day of the week - D'lites buy two half pints, get one free day! Every week I get three pints of different flavors, with the goal of eventually trying them all. If you need some recommendations, here is my Google Keep note of my personal flavor rankings:

(favorite to least favorite) Baby ruth Creme brulee Coffee Pistachio Snickers Salted caramel pecan Cinnamon toast crunch Nutty brownie cheesecake Almond joy Butter pecan White chocolate peppermint bark Irish grasshopper pie Strawberry Peanut butter cookie dough Chocolate covered strawberry Dark chocolate raspberry Thin mint cookie Honey almond butter Pistachio pudding Heath (tastes like a frostie) Wedding cake Cake batter Vanilla custard Blackberry cobbler Coconut Chocolate covered cherry Blueberry muffin Nutella White chocolate Reese's Extreme chocolate Oreo cheesecake Banana pudding Cherry almond cake Vanilla Oatmeal cookie Banana cookie dough The Elvis Carrot cake Kit Kat Caramel butterscotch fudge Death by chocolate Dark chocolate espresso Salted caramel brownie Cookie dough Chocolate Red velvet Mexican vanilla

Only take home containers I actually didn't finish: Mexican hot chocolate Pumpkin eggnog Chocolate covered...