The Bard's Coffee — Restaurant in Perrysburg

Now, the dissenting view.

I've noted the many positive reviews for this coffee house. After a five-minute visit, I can't agree.

The other day, I took a walk. I take fairly long walks. When I returned home, the pedometer on my phone registered six miles and well over 10,000 steps. When I visited the The Bard's Coffee, I didn't check my mileage, but I imagine I was in the neighborhood of four miles.

Normally, if I know I'm going to be out awhile, I bring my own provisions. That day, I decided to try something fairly new: I would stop at a downtown coffee shop, and maybe get a sense of the place and its options. I hadn't even been inside an eatery of any kind since late 2019--the "service" in many places was becoming intolerable! Never mind the events we would suffer beginning in 2020!

Later, after my visit, I would read several reviews citing the place's coziness and atmosphere. And after reading those reviews, even though the place sold coffee and other beverages it's designed for folks to spend much time and eat many snacks and drink exotic--read more expensive than usual--brews. That's nice, but I'd just walked four warm miles and all I wanted was a cool drink.

Before anyone asks why I didn't visit a carry-out instead, I can say there's nothing really like that now in downtown Perrysburg. There was a gas station/carry-out nearby years ago, but it went away, and I believe a bank now stands in its place.

I thought I was polite when I asked for something other than coffee. I even made a joke about it at my expense. But I think I unintentionally threw that poor young woman into a state of discombobulation. There was a menu to the right of the counter, but all I saw were ads for coffee and snacks. No general menu was offered. She hemmed, hawed, uncertainly mentioned a few options and when I looked behind her, and noted in a cooler, a can of Diet Coke, I simply said that can would do.

When I later found a general menu for the place online, I was irritated that lemonade hadn't been offered; it would have been a good balm for a warm four miles!

What happened next, was something my wife and I had a good-natured argument over talking about this visit after my walk. The young woman at the counter turned what was essentially a tablet on a rotating stand brusquely in my direction, not too dissimilar to having a door slammed in your face. Almost literally so, as the tablet was at least chest-high. My wife tried to defend the rough turning by saying that perhaps the device was difficult to move. My counter argument is that I thought for some reason, the young woman was irritated at my purchasing only a can of pop, and besides, there are food-safe lubricants that'd likely made turning that tablet easier and therefore requiring less force--I use them often in home maintenance! Anyway, the gesture seemed unfriendly.

Either way, it seemed clear, that tips are a virtual requirement at The Bard's Coffee. I noted a traditional cash tip jar to the left of the swinging register tablet I had wondered would slam me in the face. Now that I could see the business side of the tablet, I could clearly see large buttons on how much one wanted to tip for their order, with a far less visible "no thanks" button. This felt like a silent demand, and I wondered what the word "service" meant here.

Isn't this just more of the kind of nonsense that was the reason why I stopped going to restaurants?

I tipped a dollar, ruefully noting that I was essentially paying a young woman a dollar to move perhaps a foot behind her, opening a cooler, and handing me an unopened can of pop. Having walked the distance I had already walked, I could've done that easily for free. I also realized I just paid about three times as much for that can as I might have at a retail outlet. And I made sure to drink outside--despite all the positive reviews, I found the atmosphere was far too cold inside, and it wasn't the temperature!

To borrow a bit of and to gently alter Brian Wilson, I just wasn't made for...

On the way home to Nashville from Detroit, my wife and I decided we needed a small snack and some coffee to hold us over until dinner. Found The Bard's Coffee Shop in a quick Google search and took a chance on a short detour off the interstate. Not only did The Bard's have amazing coffee and one of the best bagels I've ever tried, but the entire town of Perrysburg is just perfect. Great little shops in a small downtown setting all situated on a riverfront. I highly recommend adding the extra time to your travel if you're...

Went there as part of Coffee Quest 419, and it was really easy to get to. We did the coffee quest special, which was $7 for a latte and a treat (costs extra for flavoring and milk alternatives). I had an iced pumpkin pie, and my niece had iced lavender. Delicious coffee, they also sell Iron Bean coffee (which is a Perrysburg staple and quite awesome). They have nicely priced merch, and if you go all the way to the back of the store, there's a place to play games, read, and just relax. My niece and I...