as you are. DC — Restaurant in Washington

(views not of my employer) writing this in response to the two reviews left by Patrick Marshall and Stephen Sebastian Kampen because I simply will not deal with caucasity on and off the clock. I am the bartender as as you are who worked during the event the two are recounting and am a Black femme presenting person.

That night, Kampen came into AYA with two other patrons and very quickly into the night got decently intoxicated (and fought me on the pace of his consumption a few times I might add). He and I actually had lovely banter prior to this incident. He'd expressed his enjoyment of the service and that he'd be back (if only he knew). I was chatting with a friend and patron for the night who is also a Black femme person when Kampen interrupted our conversation in a moment of social relatability. That moment passing, he then used it as a lead in to begin to probe into the ethnic background of myself and my friend. He prefaced this probing by explaining that "though he looked white and was half white, he was also Black" and then exotified (sp?) my friend's response to his answer and went on a tirade about how having Black family members meant that he "got" our experience". My friend and I were both visibility uncomfortable with the conversation but at no point did we dismiss his heritage or even his comments about my friend's ethnic group. He even returned to us shortly after and apologized if he had made us uncomfortable in that interaction.

Shortly after this, I saw him engage with another patron, a Black transfeminine person, and I saw her also shift into clearly uncomfortable body language. After I saw them move away from one another, I motioned to that patron to come to the bar and I asked if she had just had a similar experience with Kampen as my friend and I had. She immediately confirmed that she had and the discomfort it had given her. Kampen then was audacious enough to quickly approach the bar and inquire about our conversation (guilt maybe? who knows).

The transfeminine patron did go and join Kampen and his friends in sitting for karaoke (our event of the evening) and then moments later I saw her go downstairs and return with one of my employers, Coach, a white trans nonbinary person. She explained to Coach that Kampen had resorted to calling her racist for explaining that his experience of Blackness was not the same as hers and to not equate the two. Coach attempted to approach Kampen to explain that such behavior was in no way acceptable (because its 2024 so literally why are we dealing with this?) but he was already of his own volition (like all of his behavior that night) making his way downstairs, go outside, sit next to our building, and call the police to our establishment. In doing so, he made several patrons for the night (especially those of color) anxious and fear for their safety as historically and currently, the police have not been safe resources for marginalized communities (which Kampen claimed to know so much about).

What's most audacious about all of this, is that Kampen only approached Black femme presenting people to have these conversations (and potentially get affirmation of his identity? who can say). There were several Black masculine and androgynous people there, but perhaps he found Black femininity more passive and accepting? That's something for his therapist to work through.

As a Black person working in service, I've had my fair share of disrespect, and even harm come my way because of patrons, but this absolutely takes the cake. I went home livid and exhausted that evening because someone who is supposedly in community with me couldn't understand the nuance of lived experience and boundaries. Black femmes aren't here...

This review is based on 5 visits. I was disappointed each time. So why go back? I really (really) try to support LGBTQIA+ businesses. They strengthen our community. I had hoped As You Are would improve with each visit. They didn't. Visit #1. Cold outside, but they had the door open. Brrrr. Dark. Kinda creepy vibe. Visit #2. Nighttime. Their website states that bags will be searched. Big red flag since the only establishments I'm aware of that search bags are pretty sketchy. ok. Search away. But there are ways to search a bag and ways not to. The searcher was rude and angry. Not exactly welcoming #3 Nighttime. Upstairs. Saturday. Dead as a cemetery in December.# 4 Evening. Weeknight. I guess there was some group meeting. Unless u were part of that group, I felt pretty isolated. #5 Today. Afternoon. Asked for a glass of Pinot grigio. A pretty standard order. No pg. Only Chardonnay. Um ok. The bartender pours it in a plastic cup! Like I was at a fraternity keg party. The final insult was when they AUTOMATICALLY added 20 percent gratuity on a $7 "glass" of wine. WOW!! I can understand adding an automatic gratuity on a restaurant party of 10 or more, but on a measly glass of wine. C'mon. I dutifully paid the inflated bill and left without drinking from the plastic cup. If there was a formula for running an unsuccessful business, the management of As You Are...

My transfemme partner and I (nonbinary) were visiting from out of town and heard that this place hosts a trans event on Tuesdays. We looked it up and the space had great reviews, many saying it was one of the best and most trans-friendly queer bars in the area. We were elated, as we have nothing like this where we come from. Unfortunately we were super disappointed. This place was DEAD. Granted, it was a Tuesday, but the vibes were just not good for a trans event. There was sad, quiet music playing upstairs. A group of people sat in a circle on the other side of the room and gave off a hostile and judgemental vibe towards us for no reason as we politely sat and sipped on our overpriced, foul tasting cocktails. Even the bartender acted like we were an inconvenience for being there. We were expecting a somewhat upbeat and fun dancey queer vibe but instead we were met with something more like an awkward, cliquey high school house party. It was not fun and we felt super uncomfortable and unwelcomed. We felt significantly more welcomed walking around on the streets of DC than we did in this joint. I do not...