Everything about Mountaineer Meat Smokers was excellent.
We were driving home from NC to MI. Father, Mother, 18yr old daughter, 14 & 16yr old boys. On the way we received an urgent phone call that turned us almost straight north to Ithaca, NY.
4 hours later (with 2 bathroom/gas breaks) and 30 minutes out from Mountaineer Meat Smokers we placed an online order for 3 Burgers and 2 Brisket platters.
This was followed, instantly, by a typically ill-timed demand from the female contingent that their bladders could never make it to the restaurant and that we just had to stop.
Followed, also instantly, by irritated ridicule from the larger male contingent.
Unfortunately, the Matriarch of the family was driving.
So. 1 minute from Mountain Meat Smokers we stopped at a gas station so that they could go to the bathroom. 450 yards from the fine dining establishment. The astonishment on the boy’s faces was precious.
Fortunately, as we needed 1.08 gallons of fuel to top our tank off, I was able to rationalize most of my own murderous thoughts away while pumping the desperately needed gas.
450 yards from the restaurant.
Thus we arrived at MMS as a disheveled display of crass family infighting.
We were determined to dine and dash as we still had 5 hours or so of driving left and wanted it over.
Unfortunately, the keen senses of the staff and ownership of MMS (looking at you Mr. Bishop) clearly sensed an opportunity. It was truly despicable how effortlessly they took advantage of us innocent Yankee rubes.
The opportunity appeared as the 2 women left all 3 hungry males alone at the checkout register.
Where did they wander off to you ask? You know exactly where they went.
450 yards.
Watching them walk past her, the pretty cashiers face widened into a gorgeous predatory grin as she opened a menu in front the unguarded male family members. Ever see that briefcase scene in Pulp Fiction? Ya.
New order: 3 burgers, 2 Brisket orders, Full Rib Rack orders, Pickles galore, slices of manna from heaven disguised as Peanut Butter Chocolate and Raspberry Lemon cake all washed down with OJ for the kids.
Right before the order was complete one of the boys mentioned our poor hungry 90lb ridgeback in the truck.
Like a coyote jumping on a hamstrung baby deer, the cashier threw out: 'burnt ends'.
We had heard the term before, but never eaten them.
We thought it was probably just barely edible blackened bits of left over pigs’ feet or noses.
I do not recall having been more pleasantly wrong in my entire life.
As a hugely meat focused, carbohydrate dodging family we have a lot of experience with various edible meats in KS, TX, OK, MS, NC, GA, VA, WV, TN and MI. (I would include OH, but why bother?)
Everything we had at MMS was better than any smoked meat we ever had before.
Period.
But the burnt ends??
Unbelievable. The smell hit the eldest boy and I first. We each suspiciously ate a small piece and promptly froze in place for just a split second. Recognizing our reactions and sensing his disadvantaged position the 6'2” 14 year old immediately leveraged a horribly bony elbow into his own father’s armpit.
Another split second later, the scene was like a cartoon of three starving wolverines fighting over a honey covered squirrel in deep winter. Watched over by an incredibly well muscled and increasingly angry Lion hunting dog whose meal was vanishing before his eyes. It was delicious.
The dog put an end to our gluttony with an indescribable sound. While I believe we could have taken him, the only result was that the remaining burnt ends were very carefully handed over to him.
Everything was excellent,
The ROY family
PS #1 MMS should create an ad aimed at Suburban moms trying to talk their families into a Ketogenic diet. MMS Burnt Ends should be the opening and closing arguments. They should also lead the menu every day.
PS #2 Don’t talk to the owner Travis – our new pile of MMS sweatshirts proves that he is even more dangerous to your wallet than the...
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