Hotel Three Monkeys — Hotel in Cóbano

If I could rate Three Monkeys a zero, I would without hesitation. It was so awful (for a combination of reasons I will describe later in detail) that I left day 5 of a planned 8-day stay. I would have left sooner, however I paid in advance as part of a retreat my three friends and I were attending about a half mile from this property (I refuse to call it a hotel or resort). The basic problem with Three Monkeys are the owners, Cecilia and Wolf. “Slum Lords” would be a positive descriptor for their behavior and the deplorable conditions in which Three Monkeys exists.||||My friends and I were greeted by Cecilia, one of the owners, who showed us to our two bedroom "cabina". She informed us we would receive clean towels each day (I inaccurately assumed this meant bath towels, hand towels and wash cloths). She stated our cabina would be cleaned and the trash cans emptied daily. She also said the sheets would be changed after 3-4 days. ||||Cecilia sternly cautioned us about potential thieves and showed us how to use the safe in one of the bedrooms. However, she strongly stated and repeated over and over again it would be best for us to bring our valuables to the office for safekeeping each day before we headed off to our retreat because burglaries were happening in the area. Clearly, we were not given this warning when booking our stay or we likely have decided to stay elsewhere.||||The first thing we noticed is the entire cabina was coated with a layer of dirt. It appeared well-kept from the exterior. The interior was the polar opposite. One of the bathrooms had a caked on layer of dirt around the sink. The same dead insect that was half buried in this dirt on day one of our stay, was still there when I left five days later. The other bathroom didn’t even have a door knob, just a hole where the door knob should be.||||The mattress in one of bedrooms was rock hard. I'm certain it was a mattress that is typically found in model homes...intended for decoration only, and certainly not for sleeping purposes. When we reported it. The other owner, Wolf, told us they had just changed out the mattress and the other mattress was even harder. While I find this hard to believe, what was even more incredible was the rest of his response...we'll try to do something about it. We complained two days in a row and on the third day the mattress was replaced. Cecilia admonished us for complaining about the mattress in the first place.||||We did not get towels as we were told we would throughout the duration of my stay. E.G., one day we would receive two clean towels for the four of us. The next day we may receive none, until we went to the office to request them. However, the towels we received the day before were taken…leaving us with no towels at all. As well, we never received hand towels or wash cloths. We finally began taking our towels with us to the retreat site, in order to be assured we’d have a towel (clean or dirty) for the evening and next day.||||From the first day, any request or complaint we made was met with dismissive sarcasm or passive aggressive condescension. On the third day of our stay after not receiving towels yet again, I politely but firmly stated that our expectation was they would keep their word and provide us with towels as they said they would when we arrived. Cecilia’s back was to the four of us. She snapped around and in a tone dripping with sarcasm stated, “How about we make this a towel free day? Nobody gets any towels today.” She laughed in the most sardonic tone she could possibly muster. True to her word, that day we received no towels.||||In addition to the gecko that seemed to have taken up permanent residence, the cabina was infested with every type of insect imaginable including large flying beetles, spiders, centipedes and scorpions. It was clear that complaining about the insect infestation simply made us sound like spoiled Americans to Wolf and Cecilia. We went into town and purchased insect spray to spray the perimeter and inside the cabina just so it could be somewhat habitable. ||||During our stay, the temperature was no less than 85 degrees Fahrenheit (30 degrees Celsius) at the peak of day. We left our cabina by 6:45am each morning and sometimes did not return until 8:30pm. Each day, upon our return we would find the air conditioning turned off. I understand energy conservation, but at the sacrifice of your guests’ comfort and well-being I’m not sure turning off the air conditioner was the most prudent decision. After all, we were already contending with schlepping our valuables to the office each morning, left towel-less and dealing with an insect infestation. ||||To add insult to injury, two lightbulbs burned out during our stay or maybe they were out when we arrived and we just didn’t notice. Also, one of the toilets stopped working because a chain came loose in the tank. When reporting this to the owners for repair, we were scolded for placing toilet paper in the toilet (which we had not done). Once allowed to get a word in to explain the problem with the toilet and where it originated, Wolf brusquely interjected to rhetorically ask when did we think they were supposed to call a plumber? He told us under no uncertain terms would the toilet be repaired that day. It was not. The lightbulbs were not replaced during the entirety of our stay.||In addition to all of the foregoing, it seemed that Wolf’s politeness was defined by how much wine he drank before we encountered him. I say this only because we often encountered him with wine glass and/or bottle in hand. If he wasn’t snipping at us, he was yelling at Cecilia. This added yet another element to our discomfort.||||Why did we continue to stay in this filthy, insect infested purgatory, you ask? ||1. This was the closest establishment to the retreat location.||2. The retreat facilitators made prior arrangements with the owners of Three Monkeys for us (retreat attendees) to stay there during the retreat, as they had done the year prior.||3. We pre-paid for our stay.||4. We could not find other lodging in the vicinity that was available, affordable and accessible to the retreat site since we did not think we would need transportation and did not rent a car.||||I never expected Three Monkeys to be a five-star resort, but I did expect it to be livable. I have traveled all over the world. Never in my life have I ever been thousands of miles away from home (U.S. or abroad) and stayed in a place in such disdainful neglect or been treated so poorly. What Cecilia and Wolf fail to understand is the basic principle of treat others as you would like to be treated. Three Monkeys could have been a nice place to stay instead of the nightmare we experienced. However, I doubt it will ever be that so long as Cecilia and Wolf are the owners/managers.||||If you truly want to enjoy the beauty and luster of this remote and gorgeous part of Costa Rica, stay far away from...

We planned to stay 5 nights at Three Monkeys and left after one!||The welcome was terrible. The woman who we still don't know who she was or her name brought us to the room and was absolutely unable to give any information on activities and local transport! She couldn't speak a word of English and was really not helpful with our questions. ||We found the room not cleaned with used toilet paper in the bathroom. ||Ants were running everywhere in the room and the door wasn't closing properly.||We had to plug the lamps and ask for the famous coffee machine.||Staying there without a car IS IMPOSSIBLE! The road is too steep and dangerous to walk to Montezuma, especially at night.||There are no official taxis, so you actually have to get in a car with a random guy who wrote taxi on a piece of paper and charging too much (2,000 colones = 4$ for a 2 minute ride).||We were the only guest in the hotel and didn't feel safe at all. Anybody can walk in the property since there are no fences or guards.||The wifi wasn't working in the room.||They have dogs which were not friendly.||The entrance area is messy and run-down.||If you have to stay in Montezuma be prepared! Most of the hotels and hostels are in terrible conditions and over priced! We had to look for another place to stay, visited almost all of the hotels in the village and couldn't find anything reasonably priced and good.||In the end we ended up leaving Montezuma after a terrible second night at Casa Susen (not existing on Tripadvisor) and found beautiful beaches and really nice hotels in...

The property is minimalistic, clean and very relaxing, especially after morning beach walks or hiking the falls. ||||We liked slowing down. We loved the hotel’s GREAT air conditioning, hot water showers and clean minimalist environment. There is ample parking and space to relax with a book or just a nap on the hammocks. I enjoyed my yoga with no tvs for two weeks. ||||We rented a vehicle from Liberia airport, which was a white knuckle drive for over 4 hours. (Diving in boston is worse, so I was good). ||||Every morning I drove to the free beach parking to walk the miles of beach or do some yoga each morning. ||||We’d walk the small town, 2 streets, for breakfast or market for food. There are numerous places to eat that are gluten free. ||||Montezuma is a safe, young hippy environment. We were glad we brought ant traps and placed them near the entrances. ||||||You gotta zip line there too||We can’t...