Brevard Renaissance Fair at Castle Park — Local services in Melbourne

I'm honestly not sure where to start. Today was the worst ren fest experience I've ever had. I've enjoyed the Brevard Ren Faire in previous years, but it was a waste of time and money today.

First of all, there is a metric ton of mulch covering the ground and parking area of the "fair grounds." It smells like, well, mulch (aka animal crap), and if that wasn't bad enough, it's dry and windy today and airborne mulch dust got in my eyes and my boyfriend's eyes multiple times. Our shoes/feet, pants, and car are also coated in a layer of mulch.

Secondly, the "fair grounds" are literally right on top of what appears to be a landfill, and there was trash (some of it dangerous, like sharp pieces of aluminum cans) mixed into the mulch.

Third issue -- the vast majority of the food vendors only accept cash and there was not a working ATM in the entire fair. There was one ATM, which was not connected to a power sorce, so if you get hungry or thirsty while you walk around huffing mulch, well, you'll just have to hop in your mulch-crusted vehicle and drive to a working ATM, then! You'll probably want to eat somewhere else anyway, though, because the food is absolutely terrible. My boyfriend and I ended up sharing a basket of chicken tenders because we happened to have $25 in cash on us and I'm not exaggerating the poor quality when I say that I could get better chicken from the freezer section of a Dollar General.

Fourth issue -- the "fair grounds" were clearly thrown together last minute and nothing is finished. The "castle" structure at the entrance was still covered in Lowe's and Tyvek logos and plants in cheap, ugly black plastic planters sat in sad little clusters all over the mulch wasteland that Brevard Renaissance Faire is calling a fair ground this year.

Fifth issue -- there are huge empty spaces inside the "fair grounds," so not only is it ugly and smelly and dirty this year, but there are also fewer vendors and shops to look at.

Just a gross, sad waste of money. I feel sorry for the vendors, honestly. An embarrassing mess.

The one star on this review is for the frozen cheesecake, which was good, and which you can actually purchase with a card.

Last little tidbit -- we drove straight to the closest car wash and the truck that's two vehicles ahead of us also came straight from the "fair grounds" and is covered in a layer of mulch.

Take your business and family/friends literally anywhere else. The zoo. The movies. A theme park. The beach. Wherever. Please learn from my mistake and don't spend $60 to inhale mulch for 3 hours before giving up...

New location is next tot he dump. You can see and smell trash mountain. They mulched the whole fair with trash mountain mulch. The whole place smells like trash. And It really should be stated when you go to purchase tickets that the knight games is nothing but people hanging at the bar. I bought 4 tickets for my family. Showed up late to enjoy the day and night. Day was mainly just vendors no entertainment because I guess it was late. Then knight games was nothing but people at the bar that was running out of drinks. Other concessions by the time we arrived had run out of drinks. Water was 3.00 and sitting in warm water. Paid too much for it. Waaaay too much. My kids nights was ruined. I feel horrible. My daughter got all dressed up steam punk for knight games at the bar. Absolutely disappointed. Ads are very misleading. And as for the ad saying there would be a bounce house for little ones during knight games. There was not. There is no lighting and kids were just running around in the dark. Knights games should be called drunken knights or something. That's all it was. A bar with only IPA and Lager. A concession for kids with only diet coke and hot water. Once I paid 3.00 for a great value hot water bottle. We left. I lost over 100.00 in tickets. And considering paying for something different next year. We came to wickham some years ago and it was nice. This was less than desirable. My daughter cried last night and I've cried a lot this morning feeling like I disappointed her. She wanted to come back a different weekend but I cannot afford to spend that again. 4 people adds up quick for low income brevard...

Let's start with the not so good and go from there.

Elephant Rides! Are you fricken kidding me? The one I saw yesterday looked tired and emaciated. Old timer should be at a reserve living out his/her with other old timer entertainer pachyderms. Chatting about the stupid things humans had them doing.

You had alot of fair type foods. How about Renaissance type foods. (One vendor selling Brunswick stew and BBQ was fricken awesome. The Brunswick stew in a breadbowl was amazing. They were next to fair food and a bar by the across from the buried treasure tent) Can't tell you how thrilled I am with the drunks. Because there was no shortage of alcohol. If you are going to corral people in the food court for the late concert. Perhaps have the food venues open so those of us waiting can have access to more than alcohol. Some of us don't drink.

I appreciate the heaters you put out. I would have been nice had there been a few more.

On to the good. I fricken loved the performances. From the big stages to the little. The wheel of death show was awesome. The same performer juggling on top of chairs later was fantastic as well. Joust needs better tech. But the performers were great. Loved Sanctus and Star Shanties. In fact all the musicians were awesome. I froze but it was well worth it. I hope you expand and do well. Lady Ophelia (I think was her name) needs a raise. This woman single handedly made my youngest son's day and then later brought my daughter into the final dance. Making their whole experience off the charts better.

My kids had an amazing time. So I am sure we...