Kingscliff Beach Bowls Club — Restaurant in Kingscliff

Should be called Wong Slop & Swill – Kingscliff’s Gastrointestinal Guillotine by the Sea

Ah, Kingscliff. A charming seaside town where retirees come to live out their golden years, surfers wax lyrical about the morning swell, and tourists line up for fish and chips served with a side of sunshine and mild sunburn. But hidden within this coastal paradise—just beyond the fishmonger’s and a suspiciously aggressive crystal shop—lurks a culinary crime scene so vile, it’s left a permanent skid mark on the town’s reputation.

Welcome to Wok Chop n Grill. Or as the locals have come to know it, through pained whispers and bathroom confessions: Wong Slop & Swill.

This alleged “Asian fusion” restaurant is located inside Kingscliff’s otherwise-innocent-looking lawn bowls club—a place that once echoed with the soft clinks of wood against wood and the distant hum of Neil Diamond. Now, it echoes with the guttural cries of digestive distress and the occasional dry heave from the carpark.

I entered, full of optimism and blind stupidity.

The smell hit me first—an unholy blend of burnt oil, sickly-sweet soy, and something distinctly fishy that shouldn’t be airborne indoors. The carpet still boasts the ghosts of spilled mid-strength beer from 1993, and the only thing more outdated than the decor was the attitude of the kitchen toward basic hygiene.

First up, the “Charred Pork Burger.” And when they say charred, they mean it in the same way Pompeii was lightly toasted. The pork patty was a scorched disc of despair, with the texture of volcanic gravel and the flavor profile of burnt flip-flop. It came nestled in a soggy bun that tasted like it had been cryogenically frozen, then defrosted in a sunbeam. Topped with something that may have once been lettuce (or possibly seaweed from the beach out back), the whole affair was like chewing through a war crime.

Then came the Pork Belly Supreme, doused in what the menu proudly declared as “our signature Chinese sauce.” I don’t know what crime against the East this sauce represents, but it tasted like fermented cordial mixed with battery terminal runoff. The pork belly wobbled with the sad defiance of a dying jellyfish, alternating between undercooked fat and overcooked rind, all clinging together under a glaze that could have stripped paint off a trawler.

And then… came the reckoning.

Roughly 40 minutes later, my body launched a mutiny. My stomach gurgled like a tide pool of doom. I sprinted toward the bowls club toilets—located down a dim hallway that smelled faintly of dettol and desperation—and locked myself into what can only be described as a chamber of echoes.

And then it happened.

The Great Evacuation.

My body turned into a human fire hose. The sound? Like a trombone being strangled in a wind tunnel. The pain? Biblical. The velocity? Terminal. Every ounce of that cursed pork was violently expelled in a way that defied medical understanding. I left that stall looking like I’d just birthed a demon and aged ten years doing it.

A sweet old lady named Gwen knocked softly and asked if I was okay. I whispered, “Tell my story,” before collapsing into a fetal position.

I emerged an hour later, pale, trembling, my soul hanging by a thread. The ocean breeze, once a symbol of serenity, now only reminded me of the sauce’s aftertaste wafting back up my esophagus.

Final verdict: Wong Slop & Swill isn’t a restaurant. It’s a gastrointestinal hit job. A biological ambush hiding inside a seaside bowls club. It turned my day in paradise into a full-body evacuation drill, and I can no longer look at Kingscliff without clenching.

Zero stars. My butthole deserves financial...

Venue is beautifully positioned over- looking the beach. Nice outside area to sit and have lunch at the back. Food was much as i expected, average club fare. (They don't pretend its not) so happy with the food we had. My problem was most of the young staff had bad attitudes. I could hear two of them whining about customers, another was complaining how he didn't want to work on sundays, and the rest at the bar simply appeared to think they were doing you a great service by being there. Most appeared to be under 30 years old and had a sense of entitlement that they shouldn't have to be there. In the current environment with hundreds of thousands in australia having lost their jobs recently, i'd expect a little better. The only saving grace was the lovely lady who signed us in at reception, she was helpful and friendly with a big smile on her face as we entered and as we left. maybe Ditch the millennials and hire some more older staff and improve your service to visitors and the community. Young people constantly whining about bowlers whose club it is, and who help fund their wages is poor. Locals...

Wow haven't been here for over 30 years, so my husband and I decided to go back for a nostalgia trip and go for lunch and boy were we pleasently suprised at how good it was. All beautifully renovated, lovely atmosphere, had a great menu at fantastic prices, the food we ordered was devine. But what I really loved was out in the very relaxed beer garden which was covered with huge umbrellas and plenty of tables and chairs for people to relax, also was a fantastic children's playground which had plenty of slides and climbing frames, I was super excited as this would be great place to bring my family and grand children. I believe they have live music on Saturdays too. The club is also right on the beach with lovely views and was plenty of free parking. We are not going to leave it 30 years between visits now, this will be easily once a fortnight for us...