Ferni — Restaurant in Grasse

Champagne Dreams and Toilet Fascinations

In the perpetual theatre of French Riviera dining, Ferni in Antibes presents itself with such determined elegance that one might momentarily forget the crushing banality of most overpriced coastal restaurants. Here, bathed in a pink glow that makes everyone look either feverish or in love, I spent an evening contemplating the curious relationship between culinary ambition and plumbing innovation.

An Aperol spritz began proceedings – that lurid orange concoction that has become the mandatory passport stamp of Mediterranean dining. I followed with rosé because, as I reminded myself with the grim determination of someone completing a checklist, I was in the South of France. One must observe the rituals, mustn't one?

The smoked salmon arrived with all the ceremony of a dish that knows it's charging €29 for what is, essentially, cold fish on toast. "Fines tranches de Saumon fumé de Prestige," declares the menu, the capital P in 'Prestige' doing much of the heavy lifting in justifying the price tag.

The real headline act was the Gratinée Saint Jacques - Gambas, a casserole uniting scallops and king prawns in a Champagne sauce with leeks and mushrooms. At €36, it managed the rare feat of actually meriting its cost – delicious and, crucially in our Instagram-ravaged dining culture, "visually appealing." The Champagne sauce had the kind of subtle complexity that reminds you why French cuisine earned its reputation before settling into comfortable self-parody.

But the true star of Ferni isn't on the menu at all. It's in the bathroom, where a clear glass toilet cistern transforms the mundane act of flushing into performance art. I stood transfixed, watching water spiral down this transparent cylinder with the wide-eyed wonder usually reserved for Louvre masterpieces. Only the fear of alarming the staff prevented me from spending the evening repeatedly flushing, like some deranged plumbing enthusiast.

The staff themselves maintained the level of attentiveness that keeps restaurants like Ferni in business, though their white sports shoes created a curious visual caesura in an otherwise elegant environment. One can sympathize with the need for comfortable footwear during long shifts, yet surely black sports shoes would have maintained the illusion without sacrificing podiatric mercy.

Ferni ultimately achieves what it sets out to do – deliver a polished dining experience in surroundings designed to make you feel special, or at least specially lit. And in a region where dining can oscillate wildly between the sublime and the cynically adequate, that's something worth acknowledging – even if the most memorable part of your visit might be watching water swirl down a...

My friend and I had an atrocious and discriminatory experience at Ferni. While I understand that in France waiters typically come to your table on their own schedule, our treatment went far beyond that. We were repeatedly ignored while other tables, mostly older white guests, were actively attended to. A couple seated after us received wine and their main course before we could even place our order, and I had to signal to this waiter that we wanted to order. We are younger and not white, which made the difference in treatment hard to ignore.

After finishing our meals, we waited 40 minutes for anyone to clear our table or bring the check, and I had to again signal someone to come while other tables were being actively attended to. He brought a free slice of tiramisu, clearly acknowledging the long wait, yet still did not take us seriously. After we took a few bites, having no appetite because of the horrible service, I gestured that we wanted to pay, but he insisted we keep eating it, while making comments to another waiter with a smug look on his face and laughing at us. We again had to flag the original waiter just to finally pay. In total, we wasted over an hour of our time trying to settle the bill while waiters ignored us and made us feel belittled.

The food was underwhelming as well. I ordered the crispy risotto, visually appealing but bland, with only three scallops and one prawn for 36 euros.

Deliberately neglectful and discriminatory service made this one of the worst dining experiences I...

Comedically offensive tourist trap. If you like flashy things with no quality substance, then perhaps you'll enjoy.

They start off by bringing you a 7 euro bottle water without asking.

They RECOMMENDED the 28 euro "warm prawn salad" which was THREE SHRIMPS ONLY cut in half, covered in olive oil and basil. That's the entire dish.

They provide bread in a paper bag which include a HALF EATEN ROLL for ours.

I got the chicken which was 3 small cylinders of what wasn't even just chicken breast. All 3 pieces have chicken bone marrow in it which is just sloppy.

They know they're not going to be having repeat customers, so they just scam you since it looks nice and youll pay. The restaurant buildout...