I didn’t order sushi — I stumbled into a crime scene.
There it was: one lonely roll, lying on a porcelain slab, drenched in what can only be described as sweet soy-based regret. It wasn’t sitting in sauce — it was drowning in its own demise. Honestly, it looked like the roll had been stabbed in a dark alley behind the kitchen. I half expected tiny detectives to show up and cordon off the plate with wasabi tape.
The taste? Somewhere between emotionally unstable rice and fish with a midlife crisis. The seaweed had the texture of a wet paper receipt, and the fish inside — if it was fish — tasted like it was once alive, but has since experienced multiple therapy sessions and a microwave.
But wait — the plot thickens: We don’t even think this was our order. Like, genuinely — whose roll is this? We ordered sushi, not an edible mystery. This felt like someone else’s bad life choice was accidentally served to us. Somewhere out there, another table is probably enjoying our real food while we sat here performing a eulogy over soy sauce soup.
I tried to pick it up with chopsticks, but even they resisted. They trembled. “Are you sure this is safe?”
Every bite whispered: “I used to have a name… before the sauce came.”
And honestly — if this is called sushi, then what can I be called? Because apparently, words no longer mean anything.
Would I recommend it? Only if you’re into culinary identity theft and emotional...
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