Saimah's Restaurant — Restaurant in Bradford

Hilarious.

The funniest curry I've ever had. On entering the restaurant, the staff, visibly annoyed by our arrival, seemed as if they wanted to but could not credibly refuse our entry. This was partly due to us doing nothing wrong, but mainly because of the amount of free tables we could clearly see. Superb comic expressions on their faces of which the likes of Laurel and Hardy would be proud. A great start.

My friends were all hungry, excited and looking forward to a big curry. I on the other hand, only a couple of hours prior had managed to sink a pretty hefty 3 meat roast. I told this to the waiter, explaining that because I wasn't particularly hungry I would only have a starter. The waiter, with impeccable deadpan comic timing, made it very clear that the only option was to have an £11 four course meal.

In spite of this, I attempted to order what I wanted - a shared starter for 2. He said that I was not allowed to have this because I would not be able to eat all of it, telling me that "this is too much food" and insisting once again that I have a full four course meal. I tried to tell him that a £7 shared starter, although being for 2 people, must surely still be smaller than a full four courses. I also pointed out that £7 is cheaper than the £11 four course offer. A mastered look of confusion and incomprehension followed as the waiter contorted his face to quizzically scowl at me. I knew I was beaten. I would not be able to outperform this masterclass. After being told a 2 person starter was too much food, I was obliged to order 3 unwanted courses. It was nice though. The best novelty curry experience I've ever had.

Another member of our party attempted to order a Chicken Tikka Massala on the grounds that he was slightly drunk and so wanted something uncultured and anglicised. When the food arrived he was presented with a Chicken Saag. Realising there must have been some sort of mistake, he politely explained that he did not order this food, expecting the usual restaurant protocol of the correct meal being apologetically brought out slightly delayed. Not here. Not this pro! Instead, the waiter informed him that the Chicken Saag was in fact a much better order than what he had ordered anyway, so he should just have it. My friend politely tried to ask again for the meal he ordered. But despite the menu praising the Chicken Tikka Massala as "the UK's best & most popular dish", the waiter continued to incredulously retort "but this is better", bewilderedly pointing at the Chicken Saag, unable to comprehend the notion that someone would prefer to have what they ordered, rather than what he personally preferred.

As with myself, my friend knows when he is beaten. Realising his only option was to extend this impenetrable pantomime farce to a slower yet still inevitable defeat, he obliged and began eating the Chicken Saag. Only a professional comedian would have a chance. Another absolute masterclass from the waiter.

Not content with a 2-0 victory, the waiter, now on a hattrick, came back 5 minutes later with yet more comedy gold. In the middle of eating his randomly allocated curry, my friend was interrupted to be informed that the curry he hadn't ordered but was forced to accept was not only better than what he wanted, but also healthier. The waiter, as if making the assumption that the only possible explanation for someone ordering a Chicken Tikka Massala must be some sort of error and that they must not actually know what it is, explained to my friend that a Chicken Tikka Massala contains lots of sugar and cream. Then with impeccable comic timing once again, he pointed towards the visibly oily Chicken Saag, championing its health benefits.

Another member of our party ordered a Lamb Karahi which was unexpectedly accompanied by a huge jug of yogurt. A hilarious prop.

The toilet blew me away. It was like entering a different dimension. It was both inside and outside simultaneously and was one of the largest vibe shifts I've experienced in West Yorkshire.

A laugh a minute, would recommend to...

Following the previous 1 star review, it could have been worse - they could have been waiting for two hours inside. We had booked for 7.30pm and it was nearly 2 hours before we got our main course, due to the chef/boss making takeaways a priority over sit in diners, so we just watched a procession of takeaways and waited and waited. Yes, on reflection we should have got up and left, but we'd already had starters and at the time you keep thinking surely it will be us next. I'm sure that the takeaways are generating more income, but surely at the cost of poor service and reputation - it can’t be that difficult to prioritise take away orders around sit in bookings? Whatever the reason, make your mind up where your business priorities are and inform booking customers of the potential wait so that they have the choice of going elsewhere. The meals themselves were mediocre and we all left quite bit. The head waiter/manager did his best and apologised many times for the chef/boss, but clearly, he was a frustrated as we were, as he really seemed to take pride in his job, but couldn’t carry it out effectively as the decisions were made above him. It all got a bit embarrassing. Whilst the wait was reflected in the bill, it didn’t compensate for what was a special occasion with visiting family, but thanks at least to the head waiter for at least doing what he could to remedy a bad experience. It’s fair to say that we won’t be going back - there are plenty of other Indian...

Rang and booked a table for the following evening and I was told by a friendly gentleman no problem. Rang again an hour later to ask if we could have a certain table and I was told fine and we discussed exactly which table we preferred. On the following evening, as my husband is disabled, I arrived 10 mins early and the restaurant was open but empty. I was told we had no booking at all. The man was quite unfriendly, didn’t seem concerned we had driven quite a way to get there - just said it wasn’t in the book. He said we didn’t have a booking because the table was already booked by a larger party and he couldn’t fit us in. Eventually he grudgingly said he might be able to find another table but there was no apology, no empathy, no friendliness whatsoever. I didn’t like his manner as he didn’t seem to care at all - so we didn’t stay and I’m afraid we shall not be returning. We went to a restaurant nearby, which was excellent. It was their loss because we were actually trying it out as we were hoping to book a birthday party of 9 in the...