Istanbul Kebab House — Restaurant in England

A Pirate’s Tale of Woe at Istanbul Kebab ⭐☆☆☆☆

Arrr, mateys, gather ‘round and hear the sorry tale of a weary old sea dog who washed up on the shores of Weymouth, starvin’ and desperate for a morsel to fill his belly. The name of this cursed place? Istanbul Kebab. Aye, when I first laid me eyes on that sign, memories of me time in the grand city of Istanbul flooded me mind—visions of spicy lamb, golden-brown shawarma, and feasts that could make a pirate weep with joy.

I’d been there in me younger days, when the seas were wild and me beard not so gray, enjoying the finest fare the East had to offer. The thought of sinking me teeth into something as grand as I once had in the bazaars of old Istanbul filled me heart with hope. But alas, me hopes were dashed upon the rocks, just like me ship in the last great storm.

With a rumblin’ gut and dreams of savory delights, I ordered a burger, expectin’ a taste of that faraway land. But what they served me, arr, it were no glorious feast. Nay, it was a soggy, pink lump o’ meat, lookin’ more like it had been fished from the bilge than crafted by a skilled hand. The blasted thing looked barely touched by flame, still bleedin’ as if it were just pulled from the depths!

The crew manning this sorry excuse for a galley were a pitiful lot—three bumblin’ fools who couldn’t find their way out of a paper map. They fiddled with their cookin’ contraption like it were some enchanted artifact, each lookin’ dumber than the last. One of ‘em, I swear, tried to start the grill like he was casting a spell. I nearly drew me cutlass just to speed things along!

But me true suffering began after I’d taken that first ill-fated bite. By the next bell, I was locked in the head, battling a storm within me own bowels. That cursed burger took its vengeance on me, churnin’ me guts like the fiercest of maelstroms. I’d rather be back fightin’ the Kraken than ever touch that foul mess again.

So, to all ye fellow sailors and landlubbers alike, heed the words of this old pirate: steer clear of Istanbul Kebab. They promise you the riches of the East, but all you’ll get is the plague of the seas. Save yer coin, or be ready to suffer the same fate as this old salt.

In summary: This place be more cursed than Blackbeard’s ghost. If ye value yer stomach and the memory of grand feasts, sail far, far away from this wreck of a food joint. Arrr, ye’ve...

Ordered late on Saturday night while away at a caravan holiday with family. Food took over 2 hours to arrive, called the shop 4 times and kept being told it was round the corner or nearly there when clearly is wasn’t! The staff were rude and unapologetic even after me calling 4 times and saying I’d been waiting for 2 hours!! Everything was stone cold and wasn’t cooked properly!! One chicken burger which was inedible as concerned about it not being cooked. But the worst of it was the ‘veggie burger’ which was in fact a fish cake! I am vegan and have not eaten meat/fish in order 8 years, I had one small bite of the burger without realising what it was and when I realised I threw the rest away and had the joys of being extremely unwell for the following 2 days! By far the worst takeaways I have ever ordered in my life! Please do not order from here unless you want to be severely disappointed, ill and hungry! Absolutely disgusting in...

Normally order on just eat but ordered over the phone instead this time, big mistake. Ordered a lamb shish wrap with no red cabbage and my partner even asked to repeat back order which he did. Got given a lamb something kebab without wrap and pitta on the side with red cabbage. Called up to complain but as there's no proof because it was over the phone, the staff said we didn't say wrap, which we 100% did because I had the order written down and my partner read it word by word as I've got given a different lamb order before instead of wrap so I made sure to say lamb shish wrap. Edit: Also now eating the other food, the chips are undercooked and both the pizzas wasn't nice at all, not as good as we normally have. Super disappointing as I've spend £50 on this order for staff that won't take responsibility just to blame us for not saying our order correctly and subpar...