Picanha Steakhouse — Restaurant in London

Disclaimer: I’m a proud Paranaense from Brazil’s south, raised on rodízios ranging from hole-in-the-wall gems to premium churrascarias. I’ve got picanha in my DNA and a sixth sense for substandard skewers. Buckle up for this review, because Picanha Steakhouse tested my soul.

The Good: Caipirinha, the Lone Survivor Let’s start with the one thing they didn’t butcher: the caipirinha. Real cachaça, a sassy squeeze of lime, just the right sugar-ice balance—honestly, it was like a little Brazilian angel in a glass. I clutched that drink like a life raft in the storm of disappointment that followed. Approved, but barely enough to save the night.

The Meh: Service, Bless Their Hearts The staff? Probably a mom-and-pop duo running the show, bless their overworked souls. They were trying—really, they were—like two hamsters on a wheel powering a whole restaurant. Service was fine, in the way a participation trophy is fine. No shade on them personally; they were just out here fighting for their lives in a sinking ship of a rodízio.

The Bad: The Food, or Whatever That Was Oh, the buffet. Picture an all-you-can-eat spread that’s been sitting there since last Tuesday, giving off “we’re past our prime” vibes. The feijoada? I’d bet my left flip-flop it was straight from a can, and not even the fancy brand. The chips were… chips. Hard to mess those up, but they still managed to taste like regret. Seasoning? Either nonexistent or so confused it could’ve auditioned for a fusion restaurant in a midlife crisis.

And now, the main event: the meats. Or, as I like to call them, the Crimes Against Churrasco. The chef took so long to send out the first skewer, I thought they were out back slaughtering the cow themselves. When the meat finally arrived, it was a parade of sadness: chicken, more chicken, some questionable sausage, and a pork cut that looked like it had given up on life. Beef? Oh, it showed up eventually—round five, like a diva late to her own show.

But let’s talk about this so-called “picanha.” I know picanha. I dream in picanha—triangular, three-veined, 1.2kg of grilled perfection. This? This was not picanha. This was an imposter, a cheap flat-iron steak cosplaying as the king of cuts. Greasy, over-seasoned with what tasted like desperation, and so far from Brazilian tradition it might as well have been deep-fried in a chip shop. I took one bite and my appetite packed its bags and left. When I dared ask the chef if this was really picanha, he looked at me like I’d insulted his entire family tree. Sir, with all due respect, I’ve had better meat from a petrol station sandwich.

The Verdict: Run, Don’t Walk Picanha Steakhouse is the kind of place that makes you question your life choices. Save your money, your taste buds, and your Brazilian pride. There’s better churrasco at a backyard barbecue with a disposable grill. Steer clear unless you’re collecting war stories for your...

We went to this restaurant thinking it was a Brazilian steakhouse as it stated on their website and a the front sign of the restaurant. There was nothing Brazilian about this place.It is running by a Indian family which they clearly don't have a clue how to run a Brazilian steakhouse restaurant. There was no salad buffet when we arrived (14;00) and when we asked they brought 3 separate glass container one with tomatoes, one with lettuce and the other with boil potatoes. The hot buffet had a pan with rice ,a pan with brown beans and the other with black beans. Both beans was old and probably been there for the whole week, it tasted horrible. We went for Picanha premium & Prawns. When the Prawns arrived it tasted awful we thought it would be grilled but it was deep fried. I gave one peace of Prawns to my daughter to try and the lady gave me a hell saying I should not share my Prawns with my daughter because she did not take the option Picanha with Prawns really bad customer service the way she spoke to my daughter very rude she is only 13 y They starting bringing the meat after we been there for over 30 minutes the sausage was fried and not grilled as we expected. The chicken had a curry taste to it, just horrible and finally the Picanha it was not Picanha and to be honest and don't even know what sort of meat was that. Please don't waste your money at this place Horrible food , the service it was one of the worst I have experienced.and the place was dirty Just drive pass or walk in front of it and you will see there is nobody eating there. They only getting people there to eat once and not a regulars You have been warned. Just don't go there The last review was done 6 years ago that...

The overall score doesn't reflect the quality of the meat that came out, or the gentleman who was serving it to us. As he was great, friendly and apologetic.

DO NOT COME EARLY! Allegedly opens at 5 and we arrived at 5:15, the door was open so we asked if they were open or if we should come back. Was told yes we are open and to have a seat. Sat down ordered our drinks and noticed that not anything was ready, nothing on the salad bar or meats. We sat until 6pm when we were finally told that the salad bar was half ready and we could use it. The meats started coming out about 6:15 :(. If we were familiar with the area and had not traveled for 40 minutes to try it out we would have left. Writing this as we are sat waiting for the meat to come out as we have been here for almost 90 minutes now and only had 8 rounds of meat come out, and as delicious as they are, the portion sizes are tiny.

The hot part of the help yourself buffet didn't have the heat lamp either on or working, so I wouldn't try it.

Obviously we have come at the wrong time, looking at the other reviews is why we came here. I guess it was just bad luck.

Wouldn't return again though. Had a far better experience at Preto.

I MUST REITERATE THOUGH, THE GENT WHO BROUGHT OUT THE MEAT WAS TOP CLASS! BEST PART OF THIS RESTAURANT BY A COUNTRY MILE!!!

Hopefully this is a one off and the next tables experience is far better as I don't like writing a bad review about anywhere. I just want to make people aware of what...