Dim Sum House 上海一号 — Restaurant in Cherry Hill Township

So, I strut into this Dim Sum House joint, right, thinking I’m just gonna grab a quick burger or something. But holy smokes, this ain’t no burger shack! It’s like I walked into one of those fancy art galleries, except instead of paintings, they’ve got dumplings steaming like little pillows of heaven. I’m telling you, I was bamboozled—in a good way, like when you find a tenner in your bunker gear.

The place is all classy-like, with tables spread out so you’re not elbowing your neighbor, and these big old pictures of food on the menu, which is great ‘cause I don’t got my reading glasses. I’m sitting there, feeling like Einstein pondering the cosmos, when this sweet gal named Pepper—yeah, Pepper, like the spice—comes over, smiling like she knows I’m about to have my mind blown. I tell her, “Pepper, my dear, I’m a man of refined tastes, so bring me whatever’s the fanciest.” She doesn’t laugh, which is nice, ‘cause I’m dead serious.

First up, they plop down these soup dumplings—xiao long bao, they call them, which sounds like a kung fu move. I’m expecting a regular dumpling, but when I bite into one, it’s like a flavor grenade goes off! Hot soup squirts everywhere right down my GD shirt, and I’m sitting there looking like I just fought a fire with a squirt gun. I’m yelling, “This isn’t food, it’s a hydrant of happiness!” The folks at the next table are staring, but I don’t care—I’m in love, like when I first saw my firetruck, Betsy.

Then comes the boba tea. Oh, sweet merciful sirens, the boba tea! Those little pearls, those tapioca treasures, they’re bobbing in my cup like tiny moons in a sugary galaxy. Those who’ve been lucky enough to read my prior reviews know my lust for boba. I’m sucking them up through the straw, making noises like a busted hose, and I swear I hear angels singing—or maybe that’s just the kitchen fan. Either way, I’m chewing those pearls, contemplating life, thinking I could write a book about this. Call it “Joe’s Chew: A Fireman’s Food Philosophy.” Million-seller, easy.

The scallion pancakes? Flaky, crispy, like the lovechild of a croissant and a pizza. I’m stuffing my face, telling Pepper this is “culinary alchemy,” and she just nods like she’s used to idiots like me. The rice noodles? Slippery and saucy, like wrestling a wet ladder in a storm—thrilling and messy.

Service was faster than me sliding down the fire pole, and the price didn’t burn a hole in my wallet either. It’s BYOB, so next time I’m bringing a six-pack of root beer to class this joint up even more. If you haven’t been to Dim Sum House, you’re missing out on what I’m calling the “Eighth Wonder of Cherry Hill.” I’m giving it five fire alarms out of five—loud, proud, and impossible to ignore.

Now for Y’all’s Favorite part of the review, Poem Time:

Ode to Dim Sum House, My Epicurean Elysium

O hallowed halls of Brace Road’s feast, Where dumplings bloom like stars unleashed! Thy xiao long bao, a broth-filled muse, Doth spark my soul with savory ruse. No mere repast, but art divine, Each bite a spark along palate’s shrine!

Thy boba pearls, ye orbs of glee, Roll across my tongue in jubilee. Like Plato’s forms, they’re pure, they’re true, Yet chewy joys no sage ever knew. I slurp, I chew, I shout encore, My heart’s aflame—thy food’s my lore!

O scallion disc, thou pancake bold, Thy flakes outshine all tales of old. No Iliad sings of such delight, Nor Newton’s laws explain thy might. In Cherry Hill, thy glow’s supreme, Dim Sum House—my waking dream!

I, fireman of humble wit, Proclaim thy tables where I sit A throne for kings, nay, gods to dine, Thy menu speaks of truths divine. Forevermore, I’ll sing thy name, Dim Sum House—my eternal flame!

By Joe Piscopio, Fireman Extraordinaire and Self-Proclaimed...

This is the worst and most terrible restaurant I had ever been before. Please get away from them. When we were waiting in line, the front desk skipped us and let the next table sit without even asking us. I noticed this and questioned the front desk about it. The front desk said that the two people were right in front of her, so she took them first, without apologizing. It was really an eye-opener. After we sat down, they didn't serve us tea. It wasn't until the waiter made a round and realized that we hadn't been served yet that they finally brought it out. We ordered four dishes, including one cold dish and one braised pork rice that was half-prepared, and one basket of xiaolongbao that was definitely steamed beforehand and didn't require much waiting time. However, we waited for 40 minutes without any food served. We watched as other tables got their food, and finally couldn't bear it anymore and asked the waiter. They explained that the kitchen was busy, but my order clearly had three dishes that could have been served already. It was obvious that the restaurant had forgotten about our order. When the cold dish finally arrived, it was frozen with ice particles from being stored in the refrigerator. The xiaolongbao was greasy and the braised pork rice was even worse - looks like it used minced meat from fried sauce noodles that made this dish incredible sweet! The braised eggs were cold as well and the taste seems like Vacuum-sealed vegetarian eggs. Finally, we couldn't wait any longer for all the dishes, so we returned the fourth dish that hadn't been served. Please beware of this restaurant and avoid...

I was born in Shanghai and let me tell you, this place currently has the best/most authentic Xiao Long Baos within 30 mins of Philly. However, the rest of the food was pretty bad.

-Xiao Long Baos, tons of soup, super thin skin, flavorful filling and soup. My only issue would be price and the fact that they put a pair of tongs right on 1 XLB that caused all the skin to leak out. -Sheng Jian Baos needed thinner skin, crispier bottom, there was 0 soup inside the baos because of how thick they were. They're also more Taiwanese than Shanghainese. Knot side should be face down :) -Scallion Oil Noodles was not authentic at all, there was no fried green onions but instead fresh onions. Noodles were also the wrong kind, should be thinner. The soy sauce also needed to be darker -Chives and Egg "Calzone" was fine, could be saltier though -Shanghai Shao Mai was perfect, could be a little bigger -Snow cabbage edamame with bean curd sheets was very bad. It was so hot it felt like it was microwaved. Everything was flavorless, we barely touched it and didn't even take it home.

Other notes: -Soy sauce and vinegar jars aren't labeled -No sauce dishes on the table and when I asked for sauce dish they only gave me one. Sauce dishes should be automatically given to anyone that orders XLB/SJBs. -We arrived around 12:30pm on a weekend and ALL breakfast items were sold out. How can you call yourself a dim sum house/Shanghai #1 and be sold out of the most common Shanghainese breakfast items? -When I asked server if owner was Shanghainese, she said no. When I asked front desk host if owner was Shanghainese, girl said yes. So...