McDonald's — Restaurant in Clarion

Naturally grey and brown irregular ground beef disks casually balanced on a baked leaven cake, speckled with sesame bun seeds and a hot squirt of loose yellow mustard. Pickles if you want em’ or not, and a half handful of reconstituted onions. Flick a square of processed American cheese on there and you have the no-nonsensical archetypal cheeseburger made famous by the family friendly multinational corporate megalith you've all been indoctrinated to love. It’s a shame there's no time to get into the weeds of McDonald's lore but this is supposed to be a fast-food restaurant after all. My last visit to this favored purveyor of Scottish American cuisine took place days after Thanksgiving in Clarion, PA 2024 on a drive back to NYC from out midwest. Clarion is a small-town turnpike turnoff filled with your usual suspects of franchised gas stations and fast-food joints eagerly preparing every morning for the constant daily flow of weary travelers seeking caffeination and a reasonably sanitary place to urinate or just a quick break from a long day on Interstate 80.

Although every building within eyesore of Clarion has one, the American flag aggressively waving above the McDonald's drive through parking lot is by far the largest of all and visible from two towns over. In the cross shadows of the golden arches and shimmering stars and stripes, I stood silently for a moment to take in all the quintessential Americana. Inside the double door entrance, the place was packed and there was a line for the Mctoilet. As a simple analog man lost in a digital world, I hesitated to interact with the AI powered ordering kiosk. Finally scrolling through a menu of infinite choices, I punched in the code for a tall black coffee. My receipt said 656 and the call number above the kitchen said 233 so i thought I’d sit down for the wait and do a little people watching. The staff behind the counter were a lean skeleton crew of high-school girls and divorced middle-aged moms. Neither of whom appeared all too delighted to have made the particular life choices that resulted in a faded Mickey D's uniform and a Sunday afternoon lunch shift. Gone are the days of smiling faced, “Can I take your order please”. Gone are the days of super-size fries and a bit of sass from a regular neighborhood face behind the counter. We have become an automated nation with no patience and somehow everyone here seems fine with that. We may all crave the human touch, but I bet we'd all shake hands on the understanding that it's just not viable or financially profitable. In the wise and immortal words of 1980’s musical poet J. Biafra, “Give me convenience, or give me death”.

Behind me sat an elderly man with his daughter, or daughter in law who, after a 20-minute wait for a strawberry milkshake and an eight-piece chicken McNugget meal had grown increasingly tested in their incredible forbearance. Several centuries ago, the old man could have passed as a holy Roman inquisitor or a surly classical opera critic. His immediate appearance gave me the impression that I was in the presence of Gargamel from the Smurfs, if he were to have undergone chemotherapy and then went on to live another one hundred and twenty years. Formed upon the bald spot atop his head, between the ragged front tuft and mullet length side hairs were various warts and boils. Pustules in various conditions ranging from unusually colored blue to popped and seeping from underneath tiny dime store band aids. I could look no longer and turned away my eyes to search for anyone else of note to report.

As the ornery packed crowd quickly grew to both seated and standing capacity during my visit, there were no other notable or comically outstanding lookers in the bunch. I was becoming impatient for my coffee and after another 15 minutes of waiting, I ultimately left the establishment unsatisfied and un-caffeinated with a $3.45 hole...

Terrible. Everytime I go in to order or through drive thru they always mess up my order, the food is way too salty and over cooked, dried out or old. I seem to always have to drive all the way back to McDonald's so they can correct my order or make it fresh. I'm disgusted. I will not be spending any more money at McDonald franchise. I also buy ice cream for my son there as well and they fill the regular sized mcflurry cup up half way with ice cream product for three dollars I'm not excepting something that looks like they ate a few scoops out of and gave to me. When you ask some of the workers if the product can be remade most of the workers looks like they have an attitude as if they have a problem with correcting something you paid for but you do have some workers especially the managers who are awesome and have no problem correcting any issue...

I ordered a sweet tea and there was a bug in my drink. I returned to exchange for another and honestly the guy made it feel like I put the bug in there for a monopoly piece on the cup 😂 but he put some sort of syrup or sticky stuff on my 2nd drink and I had to run to the restroom to wash my hands because the hand sanitizers stations was not filled up. So I asked for another drink as I tried wiping the cup and it was still sticky. Dude definitely gave me an uncomfortable experience with his mannerisms. And when I went to drink my sweet tea, it was unsweetened tea. I did not go back and remedy this situation and drove to the McDonald's by the exit instead. I still gave them 4 stars because they usually are amazing. Just today was an exception with that...