Blue Crab Grill — Restaurant in Laurel

It’s in a Junktique—so don’t expect much. Located in Peddler’s Junction and advertising “Fresh Local Seafood” 100 miles from the coast--maybe you should reconsider. I wish I had. The dining area is dark and not well lit. You are literally sitting in a warehouse with 20 foot high ceilings and walls. Industrial heat lamps warm the place above your head like in an old gymnasium. The booths are giant and cushy and the other tables are surrounded by uncushioned, thin metal chairs. There is no décor on the massive walls just dingy, once painted brick or concrete block. Bare bulb fixtures are the only lighting along the walls so if you have low vision, good luck. This isn’t industrial chic, its industrial “sheet” if you get my meaning. There is nothing thought through in this place. Just dump some seating inside and there you go. A quarter of the space had chairs stacked on tables as if they weren’t even bothered enough to take them down after mopping the floor. As if they knew business was bad so why bother. If you need the bathroom you’ll have to search for it as there is no sign or guidance and is communally shared down the hall outside of the junk mart doors. The condiment tray offering is lacking with sparse packet sweeteners, and cheap glass dollar store, half-filled salt and pepper shakers. The waitress was nice but aloof and couldn’t force a smile. She was young and unexperienced—3 weeks on the job reportedly. We ordered the crab cake platter. I was quite surprised when it came out in less than 5 minutes. It was a lukewarm, deep fried, obviously precooked hockey puck pulled from a heat lamp or cabinet. I asked for tartar sauce and was given a half filled condiment cup with literally about 1 tablespoon of sauce. She also whipped out a half filled, glass bottle of Heinz labeled ketchup. It was no Heinz. It was the classic fill the bottle back up with generic catsup to save money. You can definitely taste the difference between Heinz and cheap refill from a metal #10 can. The “crab cakes” were most likely microwaved or had been in a heating bin. These were classic crab patties aka stuffing. It was unmistakenly commercial gruel that had been shaped into a “patty”. I assure you that no crab lost its life or even a stray leg for those “cakes”. In fact, the product was so cheap that the manufacturer didn’t even bother to add crab flavoring or fake crab to it. Nor did the cooks. A little fish sauce to make it stink and good enough. This stuff was public school lunch sad. The hushpuppies were stodgy and doughy inside. The fries were unremarkable and the red skin potato salad was made with sweet relish. That was interesting. In fact, it was served in a monkey dish and put on the round plate to fill up the space. So much for a $15 platter. When the bill came it had a “3% Service charge” on it. I asked my waitress what that was for. She didn’t know so she asked someone else. Turns out it is for “using a credit card.” I didn’t ask anything about payment options, it was just there on the bill. I asked if I pay her or at the hostess desk. The waitress said “I’m not doing anything, so I can take it up for you”. I opted to take it myself and ask again about the charge. I had to actually ask about paying cash for her to remove it. Of course she had to use a calculator to do so. In reality, it I hadn’t asked, I would have been charged the extra fee even though I paid cash. That’s called grifting. And they should name this place the The Grifty Crab because the whole experience was overpriced, under whelming, just plain wrong. A real tourist trap. Seems as if Laurel has plenty of places like this since they got their new found “fame” from the “hit” TV series. No thanks. But if you want to experience it yourself, check it out. All these “great” reviews are written by folks who don’t know any better and/or don’t care to. But heed my advice, no crab lost its life for those patties, and no one who has a palate above school lunch grade...

Appetizer: "Fried Green Tomatoes w/ crawfish julie sauce"......YES! The tomatoes... perfect thickness. Perfect seasoning. Perfect crunch. And the sauce gave the dish a perfect kick. I can't spell it out any better than that. Go for it!

Entrée: "1/2 Filet 1/2 Shrimp" with fries, hushpuppies, and cheese grits.... So this is what my boyfriend got. Internally, I judged him for throwing cheese grits in the midst of this, but I TASTED the "gouda" grits (gotta put respect on the name) and o...m....g. Delicious. I can only imagine how good their "Shrimp & Grits" dish is. We'll be back to try it. He completely devoured and thoroughly enjoyed his meal. "Crab Burger" w/ sweet potato fries..... This was my dish. Thank God for our waitress who proactively classified that the crab burger was ACTUALLY a hamburger with a crab cake on it. I don't eat ground meat, so I definitely needed to know that! Instead, I was able to request two crab cakes. This was SO good!!! The two crab cakes made the sandwich extremely high, so I took one off and ate it by itself. My boyfriend tasted the crab cake too, and he loved it (and he's not a crab cake person). The fries were awesome, texture and taste. Then I went for the sandwich.....OMG!! The bun was sweet, the crab cake was savory, the pickles gave it a contrast, the remoulade sauce, the cheddar, lettuce, tomato... it all combined into utter PERFECTION! This meal is sheer comfort food. It had me making that face that cooking show chefs make when they taste test their own food. You know.... the one that makes you side-eye the TV like...."Now you know that food ain't THAT good."... But THIS food?! Yes ma'am, yes sir it was!

Now... It's been said that you never give anything or anyone the highest rating on the scale because there's always room for improvement. So I'm gonna give the food and service a 4 out of 5 and here's why... The hushpuppies were visibly very overcooked, and my boyfriend did confirm that they tasted like they looked. My boyfriend doesn't believe in complaining about his food or sending it back, so he didn't say anything. My meal was brought to me with regular fries and not the sweet potato fries that I paid extra for, and my crab burger was missing the cheddar. I mentioned these things to our waitress (Rachel?? I'm so sorry, I can't remember! I blame the awesomeness of the restaurant), and she was VERY courteous to quickly make it right. So if we HAVE to leave room for improvement, there it is. But hands down....we BOTH agreed we ARE going back (asap), and while it's gonna be awful hard not to get the exact same meals, we are very anxious and determined to try the rest of the menu.

My only regret......I didn't take pictures of our food! SORRYYYYY! But I've looked at the online images of some of the dishes.... you...

To the esteemed patrons of gastronomy,

It is with great pleasure that I recount my recent visitation to an establishment of considerable repute, the Blue Crab Grill. As one who has dedicated his life to the pursuit of the extraordinary within the realms of science and invention, I found a kindred spirit in the culinary craftsmanship displayed within this charming eatery.

Upon my entrance, I was greeted by an ambiance that resonated with the harmonious hum of contented diners—a symphony akin to the gentle buzz of a well-tuned dynamo. The decor, unassuming yet inviting, provided a fitting backdrop for the feast that was to unfold.

The menu, a testament to the bounty of the sea, offered a plethora of choices that would tantalize even the most discerning of palates. I partook in the Drunken Clams, steamed to perfection in a broth that sang with notes of white wine and fresh garlic, accompanied by a chorus of scallions and lemon. Each bite was a revelation, akin to the unveiling of a new invention to an eager audience.

The pièce de résistance, however, was the establishment's namesake offering—the Blue Crab. Presented in a manner that was both rustic and refined, the crab was a marvel of flavor, its succulent flesh yielding effortlessly to the fork, much like the seamless flow of alternating current.

Service was rendered with efficiency and a touch of personal attention, reminiscent of the meticulous care one must employ when calibrating delicate instruments of electrical resonance.

In conclusion, the Blue Crab Grill stands as a beacon of culinary excellence, much like a lighthouse guiding weary travelers to safe harbor. It is with confidence that I bestow upon this establishment a commendation of four stars, reserving the final star only for the promise of continued innovation—a principle to which I have devoted my own life's work.

Yours in appreciation of fine dining and scientific discovery, A Patron of the...