English beach — Attraction in San Bartolomé de Tirajana

Where the F do I start?

Im not a snob. Far from it. I came from humble beginnings. My father worked with his hands as a stock broker for a small firm called Hargreaves landsdown. My mother didn't even have a job, and as kids, we only had 2 holidays a year. Most of these we were isolated to the Seychelles or the Maldieves as money was tight. So believe me when I say that like everybody else I enjoy the simpler things in life.

However.....with that being said, Playa de Ingles is a little to 'simple'. In fact, it's genuinely a little bit grim. Whilst I was there, I overheard an old German couple describe it as the Bognor regis of Gran Canaria. In fact, Bognor could be considered upper class compared to playa de ingles.

Why have I come to this conclusion? Here goes...

1). The beach is surrounded, and I mean surrounded by shops selling cheap souvenirs. The bars wind round in a snaking narrow street, and you can't walk 10 meters without being hounded by a looky looky man trying to sell you a pair of oversized novelty sunglasses.

2). The main square looks like something out of total recall. Generally quite run down and probably not the best place to be on your own at night.

3). Locals can be quite rude and obnoxious. I put 'can' as I'm not tarring everyone with the same brush. Some of the cab drivers and restaurant waiters are really nice, however alot of the interactions we had were reminiscent of having a conversation with a teenage boy who's just hit puberty.

4). Rip off for tourists. A lot of the shops try to rip off tourists with overpriced nonsense.

5). Not a toilet in sight. I sank 4 beers on the beach and naturally, being nearly 40, I needed a wee wee after about 20 minutes. However, much to my surprise, the nearest toilet was a 10 minute walk down the beach. No lock on the door and piss all over the sheet steel floor. It stank and I kept on getting interrupted by people walking in.

Why didnt you piss in the ocean? I hear you ask. Well because I read somewhere that a small fish swims up your Willie and I can't remember whether that is in the Amazon or the sea in general, and I'm simply not prepared to take that risk.

Anyway I'm in a 5 star all inclusive and the gin and tonics await! So to conclude, dont bother heading here, go to one of the more picturesque beaches to the north or west...

Playa Del Ingles has suffered over the last couple of years, many Bars and shops are Closed, and what pubs restaurants are still around have only a handful of customers The Kasbah shopping centre that once had a lot of bars, shops and even a Burger King is completely closed due to fire damage and a electrical fault, The CITA shopping centre again has a lot of closed shops, restaurants and Bars with only the Yumbo seems to have survived but even it has suffered and many shops bars closed , The Yumbo does have its own following which some narrow minded people blame for the rundown nature of Playa Del Ingles and rumoured that the local government will not spend money on the place due to this. Just walking round the Playa Del Ingles many bars restaurants are closed, and the place just looks rundown and tired. Really the only saving grace for Playa Del Ingles is the beach and it’s neighbouring Maspolomas, by comparison Peurto Rico was just so much busier, just a better vibe and looks like it caters more for holiday makers , where as Playa Del Ingles would benefit a huge modernisation, there are some great hotels in Playa Del Ingles, and the beach , but really not much else. It’s handy for access for the GC60 and other roads and motorcycle hire but it’s not a very good holiday destination anymore, Maspolomas, Peurto Rico , Las Palmas are just far better destinations, it’s a shame but the last few years have definitely not been kind to Playa Del Ingles, wouldn’t recommend the place unless your happy sat on a beach every day, it’s definitely not a party town , more a retirement slow pace vibe ( cause there is nothing to do ) so make sure you get a good hotel with good facilities, cause you will need it, and forget self catering there just isn’t enough cafes , restaurants...

Chose this hotel last minute for a spontaneous vacation at Gran Canaria and it was all worth it! Loved the design of the hotel, the spacious and well equipped rooms (even with own kitchenette) and modern design. The staff is always friendly and with a very relaxed attitude! Great choice at breakfast especially live cooking! Simply loved the pool areas which gives you the vibe of being at a fancy beach club :) the location is also amazing. Close to the beach, right next to supermarket and everything you need close by. Only point I have to mention slightly negatively is housekeeping service. Room was not perfect clean when I first entered the room. One hair at the toilet, not so well cleaned corners in bathroom, spots of used glasses on the table that hasn’t been cleaned in the following days either. But this is just minimal criticism to pay more attention to the details in cleaning the rooms. Overall a beautiful hotel that I will definitely recommend. Namely want to mention Awa from live cooking station in breakfast who literally shined with her smile and happy attitude every day she was there! She asked exactly on how you want your eggs to be prepared and paid attention to the details that make a really good service for me. Even saw that she gave an elderly lady excursion tips from her personal experience which I find is service that comes...