Pestana Royal — Hotel in Funchal

We were supposed to be in the pest and oceanic, but they had no disabled facilities even after easyJet emailed them to say we needed a shower, it was on the side of a steep hill and the e room we were allocated you had to walk upstairs to get to it, after a long conversation with easyJet who were trying to find us somewhere else, this hotel said they could get us a room in there other hotel the pestana royal we had no choice as easyJet said they had no availability elsewhere, we were bundled into a taxi and taken to the Pestana Royal. This hotel is supposed to be a 5 star there was no ramp at the entrance so my partner had to carry his mobility scooter over the step and then another step into the building. The receptionist we spoke to when we got there was as miserable as sin, when I asked if they had another entrance with a ramp was told no that was the main entrance very abruptly, she gave us our room key, I asked if there was any hotel information and she told me you have to scan a bar code as they don’t do paper copies or the information was on a board by the entrance, she was about as helpful as diarrhoea, surname desousa I think. Up to the room on the 10th floor down a dinghy corridor in a lift which could only fit 4 people, and that was if you were thin. We got to our room which I thought for 5 star would be exceptional, how wrong was I, you walked in the door and there was the bathroom no door and just glass screens for walls no privacy whatsoever you could pull the blinds down but they did not fully fit, I don’t know about anybody else but listening to somebody going to the toilet isn’t much fun, the shower head was a waterfall one, you couldn’t move it and there wasn’t a hand held one attached to rinse yourself off so a shower cap or in my case a plastic bag was used so I didn’t have to wash my hair everday, the towels were so hard and scratchy and full of holes. The bed was the most uncomfortable I had slept in it was so hard, I would wake up in the night with a really bad backache. The furniture was chipped, the rug stained and most nights I was being bitten but not by mosquitoes. The hotel itself was very dated and dingy, the lift broke down and wasn’t fixed for 3 days, and when your disabled and on the 10th floor we would be waiting 15 mins for the other one to arrive, normally with people in it so your would have to wait again. I thought the UK was bad for pigeons but this hotel had them everywhere, sitting down to eat breakfast one morning we were joined by a few in an indoor restaurant, none of the staff tried to get them out, The restaurant was always busy the food set up in the most stupid places, the toaster there’s was only 2 and you had to let the bread go through at least 4 times before your could call it toast, the rolls were so hard and stale that if you accidentally dropped them on the floor you’d leave a dent, the cereals were bland and boring so bypassed them the cooked breakfast was ok but swimming in fat, you either had somebody playing the piano or guitar in the restaurant at breakfast I don’t know why as it didn’t create an ambience just a nuisance what happened to good old peace and quiet. Lunch and dinner weren’t much better, to busy to much noise and not enough staff we ate out a lot. There were pork skewers one night the pork was raw and had blood coming out of it when I complained the restaurant manager came out with a plate of steak for me, I tried to explain that I didn’t want an alternative but to make the chef aware that he was about to cause a food poisoning outbreak. The pools looked good but we couldn’t get to them due to the steep slopes and stairs to reach them don’t know about any entertainment for the same reason, we went out everyday anyway because Madeira itself is beautiful with so much to do and see. We went everywhere by taxi as we couldn’t get the scooter up the slope of the hotel as it was so steep. Would i recommend this hotel, absolutely not even if it was the only one on the island, rundown, outdated, food awful, staff miserable and unapproachable, bar one waiter and a young chap who helped with our luggage when we arrived, in the UK this would be classed as a 2 star. How these hotels gets there star rating is by giving back handlers to the tourist board. I’m expecting the usual response from management about we’re sorry you didn’t enjoy your stay blah blah blah but you should have complained at the time, if you had approachable reception staff we may have. This wasn’t a hard earned holiday for me it was a bloody nightmare from...

Stayed for 5 nights here on my 1st visit to Madeira. I'd say it's an ok place to stay. Nothing special by any means. It's actually rated a 5 star on the front, but I wouldn't give it more than a 3 to be honest. The reception area is nice and airy. And you get a free Madeira wine in check in. Also, as my flight arrived after dinner, they give u a packed dinner with a pretty dry ham and cheese sandwich, orange, biscuits, and some sponge cake thing. Nothing amazing, but a nice gesture. The bedrooms(mine was apparently a deluxe) were pretty basic. Don't expect anything like you get in an Asian 5 star hotel, or Dubai. The in wardrobe fridge was like a cheap plastic desktop one that a gamer would have next to their computer. And it really didn't cool down my complementary bottle of water even after 4 days. Also the safe was already in a locked position so I couldn't use it. Although I rarely use them anyway, so didn't complain. Id rather carry valuables with me. Also my patio door leading to a small balcony was knackered. The handle was all loose, and took some skills to get it to lock. The bed was ok tho, as was the daily room service. Shower wise, it didn't have a removable head, so you need to do a handstand to wash your sweaty undercarriage, but temperature was ok. The aircon was also sufficient, although it never exactly got freezing. So facilities. It has a couple of pools outside, and 1 inside too. They are ok with a swim up bar on the top pool. The bar does a few cocktails, and the usual drinks too. I stuck with beer mainly. Although I did have a Poncha too, which was actually ok even though it's pre made. The beer is Coral that they serve everywhere. And there is a small bar area near the terrace where u can pour your own as you need it. Saves queuing at the poolside bar. The outside area is nice with gardens and little pathways down to the pool. There are a couple of places to eat. An outside terrace area.....which I found out on last day you need to book. And the main restaurant area on the 6th floor. Food was ok. They did charge the mains everyday. Quite a few meat choices like chicken, pork, lamb and beef etc. Then the usual salad areas and a few veggies so satisfy rabbits and the like. 😜. Desserts were also varied, but usually consisted of the usual European cream cake type stuff. They also had fresh fruit for dinner and breakfast if u wanted and yogurts etc. 1 night they even had a chocolate fountain. However it really wasn't flowing well, and when I tried it, they had used chocolate syrup in it. Why? No idea. Needless to say, it wasn't very popular. You can get beer and wine with ur meals. Not for breakfast though sadly. They hide the beer taps. The wine tastes exactly like you'd expect.... vinegar. Even the rosé. So that wasn't too popular either. So location wise... It's not too far from the sea front. You need to walk down past all the pools, the kids play ground, and tennis courts, and you come to a lift which takes you down the cliff to the beach level. To get back up....you'll need to swipe Ur room card. The beach is a rocky black sand affair, but if you turn to the right, there are a couple of cafes where you can have a drink or snacks. Or if you go to the left you head towards a tunnel in the cliffs which heads towards Funchal. You can walk all the way around the headland to Funchal, but it's quite a trek. Think it's 5km or something. I did it once, but walked back via the roads, and that seemed a bit quicker. The hotel does a have a daily shuttle bus to the town too though. I never checked the times however. So yeah, that pretty much covers the hotel. It has coffee machines dotted around, a ping pong table, snooker, and a bit of a gym and spa if you're into those. They also do the usual aqua aerobics daily, either outdoor or in the indoor pool if it's a bit cloudy. They do have entertainment on in the evenings too by the pool on a little stage. Although it all seemed like karaoke to me. There is also an indoor entertainment area, but I never saw that being used on my visit....

Pestana Royal. It was such an experience! I see why this is a 5* hotel and it is truly deserving of every star. Honestly. I absolutely loved every moment of it. As usual, my detailed hotel reviews are a must, so here goes.

It's a picturesque hotel with breathtaking views. The interior I would say has a Grecian style feel to it, beautiful yet simple and quite artistic in some places. Something likened to Titanic interior came to mind when wandering around. This is an older couples resort (between 55-75) and I would say it is NOT child-friendly. My friend who has children, said she wouldn't bring her children to this particular hotel, because of how it's set up. As a woman in my mid-30s, I was one of the youngest there along with my friend. We didn't feel out of place, and quite enjoyed the fact that we were one of the youngest there, because of the kind of short break we wanted, restful, refreshing and relaxing.

Service: Service was exceptional. From us entering the hotel to leaving, I can't fault any of the staff, or ever felt like they were rude, abrasive or looked like they really didn't want to serve or be there. As I said, I am BIG on customer service and there is nothing to complain about at this hotel. Each staff member would go out of their way to ensure you had everything you needed/ requested. It's the little things. At breakfast, lunch or dinner for example, if you were sat down past the time the dining had come to an end, they would come round and ask prior to shutting everything down and clearing the food away if we wanted to get anything else before they pack up, which is considerate and nice of them to do so. Even when checking out, we were asked how our stay went. Outstanding service.

Rooms: Our room was 1108, which had to be one of the BEST hotel rooms. It was a deluxe twin room with balcony and was slap bang in the middle of the hotel, we got a good view of the sea, and sunset, plus we really got the sunshine in the peak of the day from the balcony. Each room comes with a TV, a kettle with tea options and a glass bottle of water which you use then to top up at the drinks machines stationed at various points around the hotel. The only thing I would say they should try to improve upon is the storage in rooms. There is no storage in rooms other than the wardrobe. We used the chair in parts, but there were no drawers etc. or places we could rest things on, other than our bedside tables. My friend did her makeup on the bed, and shouldn't have had to.

Dining: The food was so good for an all-inclusive. Tasty, and a great selection of everything one could want. What I really appreciated as someone who has allergies to nuts, was that everything was labelled and clear. I've struggled before when away, with finding out what was in what, thus having a very limited and restricted diet for fear of possibly getting a reaction. I was impressed with their attention to detail and efforts to ensure we all knew what was inside the dishes. There are two restaurants inside the hotel, that provide a dining experience, an Italian restaurant (Campo De Fiori) and Madeira restaurant which you have to book in advance to reserve your table. The food was okay, it was nice seeing them make each order fresh in the pizza oven.

Three different swimming pools outside and one indoor pool, jacuzzi and two saunas. The indoor sauna unfortunately wasn't working, but we used the outdoor one.

Entertainment: Typical cheesy entertainment that you would expect at an all-inclusive. The entertainment is suited to their main target audience, which is older. We still had fun and made the most of dancing with the entertainers showing us the routines. We loved dancing with Rafa, Moo Moo and Francesca who made our time there even better!

There is a lift that takes you down to the seafront, so you don't need to exit the hotel from the front and is located at the back of the hotel by the kids area.

Apparently this is the oldest Pestana hotel. This was such a good choice of hotel, thank you to the team at...