Ballina Memorial Swimming Pool — Local services in Ballina

As a man of considerable means — the kind of means that typically sees one summering in the south of France rather than swimming in Ballina — I must say, I was scandalously impressed by the Ballina Memorial Swimming Pool.

Firstly, I arrived expecting a modest municipal puddle. Instead, I was greeted by a veritable aquatic resort! A pool so blue it made my sapphire cufflinks blush. The staff greeted me warmly — not one of them flinched when I asked if valet parking extended to my Bentley (apparently, it does not, but they said it so politely I almost didn’t mind).

The water temperature? Exquisite. Perfectly balanced — as if hand-regulated by a team of discreet Scandinavian spa technicians. I half expected someone to bring me a martini mid-lap. I did, however, bring my own butler to handle the towel situation, as one cannot be too careful with Egyptian cotton.

The atmosphere was pure community delight. Children laughing, locals doing their laps, retirees floating blissfully — all entirely unaware they were sharing the chlorinated lanes with a man who once swam at the Ritz-Carlton in Monaco. Humbling, really. I even bought a $4.50 coffee from the kiosk. It was divine!

In short: Ballina, you’ve done it. You’ve created a pool so splendid that even the aristocracy must admit defeat. I’m currently petitioning the Victorian government to import a copy of it to Toorak. Until then, I shall be returning — perhaps by helicopter next time, as one does.

5 stars — worth every cent of the $6.80 entry fee. Positively...

Attitude of older blonde lady at the front desk was absolutely disgusting we asked about water slides we were rudely told closed today due to school excursion the school kids used it for all of ten minutes

My 11 yr old daughter was hungry we asked what food were rudely told no hot food cause of the school excursion my daughter then asked what they have the older blonde lady rudely answered "whatever's in the fridge have a look" there is no need for this other then her attitude and sheer (for lack of a better term) snotty-nosedness the life guards are really nice not to strict (ohh wait we didn't even see one

Do not go here let ya kids be kids and get them in the canal behind the pools they'll enjoy it more and it ain't a waste of ya hard earned coin for some down right as interesting as a box of blow flies snotty nosed thing

Done by Josh Hayes on my...

Since the new people have taken over, the friendliness is gone the entry is sterile and boring, the price for the water slide is ridiculous and having to pay in a different spot to the actual pool, different buisness or not , the chip van has been scrapped, shop prices are ridiculous and there are no life guards? Or if there is you cant tell who they are, They aren't obvious and walking around the pool observing like the proper staff before them, however I did see a guy walking around looking like he might work there but he would have to take most of his clothing, glasses and whatever else off to actually save a life..so bring back the life guard chair and the guys who actually watched the waters...the old...