St George Greek Eatery — Restaurant in Melbourne

Allow me to preface this gastronomic tragedy by stating I hold immense admiration for Greek culture. The birthplace of philosophy, democracy, mathematics, and a diet that practically invented flavor. There hasn’t been a single day in my life when I didn’t wistfully imagine adopting Greek culture, discussing theorems with Aristotle over a perfectly grilled souvlaki.

Unfortunately, this restaurant, which I shall now refer to as The Trojan Horse of Hospitality.

Let’s begin with the seating. There’s “limited indoor seating” and by limited, I mean so scarce it could be measured with quantum probability. The rest of the dining space is a half-hearted outdoor arrangement where your food can marinate in a delightful mixture of car exhaust, dust particles, and the occasional mosquito. Nothing says “authentic Mediterranean breeze” quite like inhaling diesel fumes while your tzatziki congeals.

Now, onto the waitress a shining example of how not to interact with humans. What sort of service savant thinks it’s acceptable to seat a customer directly beside the restroom entrance? Am I dining, or auditioning for the role of “person forced to sniff disinfectant and despair”? Either allow customers to select their seats or at least employ basic human logic.

But wait, the plot thickens she sneezed twice, and then, like an oblivious Typhoid Mary, marched toward me to explain the order. Newsflash: if you’re ill, do humanity a favor and stay home. And if staying home is not an option, wear a mask, sanitize, and perhaps avoid turning the restaurant into a live bacterial experiment.

Speaking of hygiene the chef. Not a glove in sight. None. Zero. Nada. Who knows where those hands have been? Possibly adjusting the restroom door handle I was seated next to, or performing interpretive dance with raw chicken. It was less culinary artistry and more biohazard kabab.

And just when I thought my discomfort had reached its zenith, the waitress decided to reach toward my phone while taking the order an action so intrusive I briefly wondered if I had accidentally booked a séance. My phone, madam, is a sacred instrument of communication, not a communal toy for unsanitized hands.

One might expect, at minimum, a clean jug of tap water. What I was handed was a small, cloudy container that looked like it had survived multiple geological eras without encountering soap or a sponge. The jug’s size alone was laughable barely enough to quench the thirst of a parched hamster, let alone a human being who just inhaled half a desert disguised as pita bread.

Finally, the pièce de résistance the Chicken Souvlaki. A dish so devoid of Greek authenticity that calling it “Greek” is like calling instant noodles Michelin cuisine. It could, at best, qualify as Australian-inspired Greek which is a polite way of saying culturally confused poultry on a stick.

In conclusion, this establishment managed to violate not only every rule of customer service and sanitation but also several basic laws of physics and human decency. If Aristotle had dined here, he would have abandoned philosophy entirely.

And just when I thought the absurdity had peaked, a friend of the chef casually wandered into the kitchen mid-service no apron, no gloves, no hand sanitizer, nothing. As we speak, I am watching the scene unfold in disbelief. Is this a restaurant or a neighborhood hangout? At least pretend to care about hygiene. Who knows where that person’s hands have been before they generously contributed their bacteria to tonight’s special?

One star and that’s only because Google refuses to let me give...

This place is the real deal. Oh wow! This eatery only opened last month and finally I’ve found a Greek food joint that doesn’t leave you needing to drink tons of water after the meal (like Richmond and the CBD). Huge menu - so big it covers an entire wall of the shop. I had the souvlaki which took me straight back to plaka in Athens, and I had the galaktoboureko. I think I’d ask next time for the galaktoboureko to not be heated up and I’ll just have it cold. Although this is a small cosy place the vibe is good. While I love Asian food it’s so good to see a different cuisine come to our wonderful Glenferrie Rd strip. Looking forward to going back! I think I’ll be able to return for weeks and weeks and never complete that extensive menu! This is a fabulous place to go with a group because then you can order a large range of plates and get to taste everything. Authentic dishes. Google some of the longer names if you don’t know what the dish is but better yet, dive in, order anything you like the SOUND of and you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Greek food is full of flavour but the cuisine keeps the...

I almost don’t want people to know about it because this has become our second home. This has quickly become our dinner of choice when we are too exhausted to face cooking/shopping ourselves 🙈

Not only is this the home of the best souvlaki I’ve ever had and taken me from a, “meh” approach, to a, “I could eat this daily” sort of thing - it’s owner and run by one of the loveliest humans I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

There is so much comfort in finding an affordable, delicious and really quite nutritionally balanced dinner option for the days you can’t quite face the prospect yourself. But even more special, is for that to be a place you look forward to going both for the food, and a chat with the person who is making it 🙏💛

10/10 Souv & salad,...