The Swan — Restaurant in England

Like any right-minded individual, I don’t like swans. While they're all graceful on the surface, you think about their legs, hidden from view, going a score to the dozen and while you're fretting about the vicinitous fish, all asunder in the turbulance, the swan has broken your arm in two places and swum off without a pardon or a thank you.

Nobody would choose to name a pub after such sleek villains so the only natural assumption is some mafia-style racketeering. Swans most certainly rule the roost and take 25% of the takings, for fear of arm-based reprisals.

Taking the future of our limbs into our own hands, we sat at an outside table, sufficiently distant from the water. We were buffered by six or seven tables between us and our nearest assailant, each occupied with between two and four people, each with lovely, juicy arms, thus providing ample defence in the likely event of a beak and wing-based attack.

We ordered food designed to draw no interest from our ferocious, white-feathered, probable aggressors: tuna steak and lamb. Neither animal had arms. Neither was of interest to the glorified mallards. Delicious it was, too.

My companion ordered dessert. Normal. And dessert wine. That was his only mistake. He had been infiltrated by swan and was sizing up my right forearm when I majestically threw some coins in the direction of the waiter and marched off in zigzag formation towards the castle and beyond.

I'd go back. Watch out for the swans and apparently normal people ordering pudding wine. Once they go dessert it's...

After such a long wait for the kitchen to be open the food is very disappointing. Frozen chips for starters, which were hard and tasteless! Maybe try skin-on, triple cooked or sweet potato fries. The meals are more like cafe quality which is a shame as the menu is so limited so the few meals you do offer should be much better quality. The fish was so small it was virtually a fish finger. Sausage and mash a big let down. You have a lot of competition in Windsor, not least the absolutely fantastic pizza place next to you, behind BP petrol station. You really need to up your game. Community pub or not the food needs to be of better standard. We've eaten twice now and tried 5 main meals but won't be back. Two stars, instead of one, for the beer and...

Great little community pub with a lovely atmosphere. We had been meaning to try out the Thai food for ages, and tonight managed to get there finally. Lovely friendly buzz to the pub, fresh, but cosy feel with a great mix of locals eating and drinking - groups of both families and friends young and old. The Thai food was fresh and full of flavour. Chicken Satay was succulent, squid and spring rolls had a loveky crunch to them and weren't greasy at all. We chose a Spicy Prawn Pad Krapaw and a Red Chicken curry for mains - both full of flavour, and fresh succulent ingredients...., albeit could possibly have had a little more vegetables in them. We will come back to try...