The Square Sail - JD Wetherspoon — Restaurant in Lincoln

the Square Sail — Lincoln’s answer to “fine dining on a budget” and a proud member of the nationwide Wetherspoons family, where consistency is king and lighting is legally required to be one shade above “cryptic dungeon.”

We went for the spicy Korean chicken bowl, and to my delight, the portion size wasn’t as tight as the Ritz (where they seem to think three peas and a drizzle count as a main). No, this bowl had substance — chicken, spice, and just enough flavour to make you feel mildly exotic while still sitting in a pub that smells faintly of chips and despair.

The place was as tidy as any self-respecting spoons, which is to say: clean enough, but don’t drop a chip or it might be there to greet you next week. The service was the usual “efficient indifference,” which I admire, to be honest — it’s almost poetic.

Lighting was the standard dim and moody vibe, perfect for hiding your tears after a third refill coffee. Speaking of which, the coffee machine hasn’t been upgraded yet, still proudly sputtering out liquid caffeine from the early 2000s.

Outside, the seating area offered lovely Brayford views and a fine parade of the “usual spoons attire” — tracksuits, pints, and life stories in every puff of smoke.

But the midday true entertainment came from nearby: a woman producing the kind of deep, guttural phlegm symphony that would put a wild boar to shame. Every 30 seconds, a snort that could rattle pint glasses. I thought it was her companion at first, but no — she was the soloist, and we were the unwilling audience.

All in all, a classic Wetherspoons experience: cheap, cheerful, weirdly fascinating, and just the right blend of...

I only popped in for a tea (for me) and a Latte (for the wife) "Hot drinks get free refills - the machine is over there." Says the young lass behind the bar handing me 2 mugs. So off I go to the back of the queue. There's about 4/5 people in front of me and the machine is quite slow to produce the drinks so it's a painful process. Bloke in front of me fills his first cup and when he goes to fill his second cup there's flashing lights and the machines not working. So off I trot back to the bar to tell them it's broken. Young lad turns up, presses some buttons and determines it needs more coffee beans. So off he goes to get some coffee beans. 5 minutes later we're back up and running and the man in front of me finishes making his drinks. Woohoo! My turn. So, I've got my mug and tea bag and I select 'hot water'. Machine pours half a mug full and stops - more lights, more flashing, machine is broken again. Back to the bar we go. Same lad is back out again, pressing more buttons. Now he's got to empty some waste tray thing. Which he does, closes the machine door and I'm looking forward to completing my drinks. But now the machine is 'rebooting' it's like it's going through its checks. So I'm staring at the machine for like 2 minutes while it does this. Finally, after approximately 15 minutes, 2 trips to the bar, a refill of coffee beans, a machine reboot and me getting very close to losing my patience I finally get my order. 1 cup of tea. 1 latte. What an absolute...

We popped in here for a drink whilst staying in Lincoln on a Sunday night. We were disappointed to find that the usual standards we have become a custom to were slightly below the mark. We went in and tried to find a table, there were many vacant tables, however, none seemed to be clear from the previous customers with empty glasses or plates present on the empty tables. Note, I didn't look upstairs for an empty table, so this might have been a bit better. We moved some of the used plates and glasses to another table and placed a drink order. There was no cider available at all, and a lot of other drinks were also unavailable too. We placed our ordyon the app and we had a long wait for our drinks, it must've been about 10 minutes. Note that the place wasn't that busy, I had expected a faster service. I appreciate that it was a Sunday night and there may have not been a lot of staff on, but I did expect a little better service. The place itself seems nice, and if the service was a bit better, we would've stayed for food. I hope to visit again and have a better experience.

Edit, we have come back a year later and I have to say that the service was much better, and much more up to the standards I expected of a weatherspoons. I have upped my scores accordingly. Much better on...