Balans Soho, No.60 — Restaurant in London

Balans No. 60 likes to advertise itself as “Famed for its outrageous atmosphere”. In reality should this place should be “Famed for outrageous prices and deeply mediocre cooking”.

Poached eggs on toast, a simple dish, classic comfort food which you’d think that the chefs at a late-night diner would have perfected. What came to our table were cold, overcooked eggs on a plate, next to equally cold slices of toast, to be buttered with also near icy packaged pates of butter, presumably to be applied like araldite with a putty knife. Comfort food? More like discomfort food.

Cost for this mess: £8, to which we asked for mushrooms (£3), smashed avocado (£3) and sausages (£5.50). Here was the insult to injury. Lukewarm mushrooms came as the smallest possible portion, not quite buttons, not quite portobello, more of a garnish than a side. Even smaller was the portion of avocado smash, less that half an avocado at best. The sausage links were adequate but failed to compensate. Americano £3.50, plus service charge, not on menu but added to the bill. Total cost approx. £20 per head for a meal that any greasy spoon with ambitions to pedestrian success would have charged £15 max.

If the food was produced with any care or attention the £20 would be just about acceptable. Any supposed ‘buzz’ in no way compensates for shoddy catering. The place presents itself as a late-night hipster hangout, with mural portraits of supposed Soho legends such as Quentin Crisp, Amy Winehouse plus various non-entities from the 1990s painted on the way downstairs to the bogs, a metaphor for the direction of travel of this touristy rip off joint. Some long established institutions like to rest on their laurels, Balans prefers to grind their laurels into dust. This place...

Was here Thursday 16/5/24, grateful to’ve still found a bar that serves food and drink after an eve at the cinema (the most banal and normal thing to do in the rest of the world, not so though for the UK. Still, in 2024. 😡)

Have deducted two stars for: the horrendous “music,” the bs that has vocoders galore and does nothing than aggravate, especially if it is: too loud!!! A London speciality, offered here too of course. Had we been able to stay longer than half an hour, I’d have asked to turn the noise down. I didn’t, as I handily had my earplugs with me. Enough said.

PS: Have literally gone back to my above review here to deduct the stars I initially gave:

we needed to escape yesterday (23.9.24) the banging house at Compton's: my mate and me haven't had a chance to catch up, so yearned for somewhere comfy to sit in a quieter place.

He had a bulky piece of equipment, so weren't keen to leave again, when we noticed the sheer volume here of the music (and wrong selection: why rap? why chose a soundtrack of a bored-sounding bloke mumbling into conversations people trying to have? why loud Rock on a Sunday eve, 10:30pm?! with only half a dozen of customers?!)

We had to ask the staff and the management several times to turn it down. At first we were grateful when one manager did. We were finally able to hear each other properly and continue to catch up.

He then cranked up the volume, just minutes later.

I'm saying it again: he cranked up the volume, again!

That's bordering on malice. I was so seethingly furious, for the sake of my friend who was also tired, I reigned it in. It'd have otherwise properly escalated.

I can hence assure you dear reader, here the staff demonstratively don't care. Avoid...

Step into this establishment, and you'll find that the drinks are nothing short of exceptional, with a special nod to their standout margaritas. A worthwhile destination for those seeking a well-crafted cocktail experience.

On a fortunate whim, we managed to secure a table without a prior reservation, a feat considering the usual bustling crowd. This unexpected availability only added to the positive vibe of the evening.

The service was prompt, enhancing the overall dining experience. The staff's efficiency contributed to the relaxed atmosphere, making our visit all the more enjoyable.

Now, onto the culinary adventure. The menu, an eclectic mix of flavors, piqued my interest. Opting for the pie, I received a creative interpretation—a colossal spring roll. While undeniably delicious, there lingered a twinge of disappointment as I had envisioned a more traditional pie. The unexpected twist, however, didn't overshadow the positive aspects of the dining experience.

It's essential to note that this isn't the most budget-friendly spot in town. The quality of the drinks, service, and innovative menu does, however, justify the price point. Having frequented this establishment on numerous occasions, I can attest that the allure of the beverages, diverse menu offerings, and the overall inviting ambiance continue to beckon me back.

In conclusion, even if the pie turns out to be more of a spring roll surprise, the overall package of great drinks, welcoming atmosphere, and attentive service makes this a place I would wholeheartedly recommend. Despite the occasional deviation from expectations, the unique charm of this spot keeps me coming...