Pizza East - Shoreditch — Restaurant in London

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to dine in the middle of a speaker testing facility while eating overpriced food, look no further!

Firstly the music was blasting so hard I couldn’t not speak without shouting, and we were sat at a round four people table. I wasn’t sure if I was at dinner or auditioning for a role in a musical about tinnitus. I briefly considered communicating via Morse code by tapping my fork on the table. After kindly asking if they could lower the volume, they informed me that this was meant to be a club-like environment. When asking where this mythical club was, the condescending waitress could not point me to it, saying it was corporate’s decision to have this sort of atmosphere. I thought I was going to eat some overpriced pizza, instead it felt like being in a poorly-lit rave with mediocre food.

Speaking of overpriced, let’s talk drinks. £8.25 for a pint of beer so exotic it hailed from the wild, faraway land of… Tottenham. I had to double check if my beer was made in the USA to understand whether paying that much for a pint was a consequence of Trump’s tariffs.

The starters were… present. They existed and we bore witness. Although I would have not been shocked had they messed up two dry meatballs in sauce and some fried zucchini. In a fun twist the plates from the starters almost stayed to watch us eat the mains. I would have appreciated if they had cleared the table before bringing the pizza, but in this fun environment I guess I was the customer, the raver as well as the waiter. So immersive!

The main event, the pizza. This disc of disappointment was so incredibly average it might has well have been frozen and reheated. The dough was so parched I half expected a UN water envoy to show up and offer it relief aid. Naples may never forgive this betrayal.

To wrap things up, the waitress did remove the service charge without protest, which I can only interpret as a quiet act of mercy. A rare moment of clarity and self-awareness in an otherwise bewildering fever dream of a dining experience.

Would I recommend it? Not even if...

So disappointing. My friend and I arrived and spoke to a man at the front counter, who, halfway through speaking to us, spoke to a woman next to him and sort of gestured. We followed the woman to our table, before she turned around and said, ‘I don’t work here.’ 😅 Confused, we went back to the man and he pointed across the length of the restaurant (which is considerable) and said ‘your table is over there by the window.’ There were about five vacant tables, and as he didn’t bother walking us to our table, or asking another member of staff to, we guessed that the one set with two places was ours. We sat there for about 15 minutes, without any of the waiting staff approaching us. It was impossible to converse as right by our table were two speakers blasting house at what my friend described as ‘an aggressively loud volume’. Without sounding like a nana, it was crazy for 19:30 on a Wednesday night, just bizarrely loud. I suggested we move one table along, my friend agreed. So as not to mess up the table plans I started rehousing the extra two laid places, plates, mats, glasses, et al to our old table. A waiter stood nearby just watched me, without helping or saying anything. We waited 10 minutes more. No service, not even a second glance. In the end we got up and left to go to Cecconi’s, round the corner. No one seemed to notice us leave. What a strange and...

Having a nice staycation in East London this weekend? Remember to swing by Pizza East! It's just right opposite boxpark and shoreditch overground Station.

This place has good vibes, absolutely in love with the industrial interior design. Single tables are a little tight for two. I'd suggest you go for the round ones if there's one available.

I wouldn't say this is artisinal pizza or anything fancy like that. It's just different. We had the Veal meatball and shrimp chilly. The veal is a little salty for my liking, but I thoroughly enjoyed having both. I usually don't eat my crust but this was just next level. I hope they consider cheesy crust next time.

We also bone marrow with cipollini and burrata to start. The bone marrow is a must try. It comes in threes with the marrow juice between the bones. Personally I wouldn't share this because it's not a whole lot, also its incredibly addictive. The burrata presentation wasnt half as impressive but I'd say the cheese was equally amazing.

They have really nice cocktails available here. We had Salento (hendricks gin and pineapple) and a Streaga. Not the cheapest cocktails around! £9.75 each. Finally finished off with tiramisu and coffee.

Total bill came up to less than £85 for two. This includes two starters, two cocktails, two pizzas, one dessert and two coffees. A little upscale but definitely...