River North — Restaurant in Grand Rapids

Plated on a deep and dark blue plate, the onion rings are stacked in what some scholars might call a heap, if they were being generous. The plate, though striking, is far too big for the quantity of onion rings contained atop. Two separate dipping sauces (the radioactive orange "Honey Sriracha" and the creamy white "Grand River Sauce") rest in metal cups just beyond the onion rings.

My first impression of the rings themselves isn't positive. The batter is extremely dark and almost certainly overdone. The battering is irregular and patchy, including one ring cracked clean in half. Though there's a prodigious amount of batter-per-ring, it's not applied evenly, leading to cancerous tumors bulging from beyond the confines of the ring.

There are a few maxims I've picked up in my many years of reviewing onion rings. Chief among them is this; the eyes do not deceive. The discerning consumer can easily identify potential flaws in taste and texture by sight alone. This maxim showed its worth with these rings, as the batter was horribly overdone, and bordering on badly burnt. Occasional speckles of flavor eked through the charred-out remains of what once were onion rings, and these did hold a decent flavor, though it was overpowered.

These onion rings were made with red onions, which is a refreshing departure from the norm. However, the milder onion taste from the cooked red onions made it difficult for them to pierce through the blackened shell of batter. Despite these problems, I do have to give substantial credit to the sauces, both of which I've never experienced with onion rings before. The Honey Sriracha sauce coated the onion rings in an interesting veil that truly transformed the dish.

Unfortunately, I was not able to appreciate it given the burnt rings. The Grand River Sauce was substantially better, with its mix of tangy, savory, and slightly spicy flavors. If these onion rings had been executed well, I think both of these sauces would have brought them to a whole new level.

The batter is far, far too thick for these onion rings, expanding like a rapid algal bloom from the onion core. The balance between the batter and the onion is completely off. This is compounded by how badly overdone the batter is. On some bites, I feel like I'm trying to bite through charcoal in some bizarre hazing ritual - perhaps with some shattered remnants of grilled onion hiding in the ashes.

The batter itself is also patchy and uneven. The overwhelming thickness and rigidity of the batter made both shedding (batter chipping off of the ring) and slippage (onions slipping out of the ring) extremely common.

The onions, despite the clearly overdone batter, seemed almost underdone and dry. It's possible that these rings looped all the way around so as to extrude what little onion juices remained into the fryer, leaving me with a sad and empty bite. The dipping sauces remain the star, as they infuse some much needed moisture into every bite, though there's only so much that they can do.

My inherent thrifty nature - some combination of culture, Dutch ancestry, and familial habits - can be exacting, and drives much of my life, including my penchant for both meal prep and happy hours. In this case, the River North Public House happy hour is a good deal, as these onion rings were a mere $4. For all the trouble in execution, I can see a theoretically good onion ring buried beneath the cinders of the batter, with a decent amount sitting on the plate.

However, were these to be at the standard price of $8, it would be a...

My first experience at North River Public House was to see a friend do some standup comedy. Upon arrival, I was not greeted by any sort of staff. I found a table by myself and after a few minutes a server dropped off some water and asked if I wanted menus. I told her I was only drinking so she brought back a drink menu a few minutes later. At least 5 minutes passed and I noticed no one was coming around to take my drink order so I walked up to the bar. A server stopped me and asked if I was ready to order-I said yes. I ordered my drink & received it another 5-10 minutes later. My boyfriend joined me at the table shortly after and we had to flag down a server so he could put his order in. After he got his drink, we sat for at least a half hour without being checked on. I again, flagged down another server and asked for another drink and a food menu to put in an appetizer in. I didn’t get either one. I waited another half hour to see if she would bring the items requested but nope. After the comedy show was over, I walked up to the bar to pay for the tab. 2 well drinks turned out to be over $12. I asked her why a well drink is so expensive and the staff stated “the drinks are poured doubles” and walked away. I can assure you they did not pour doubles because my drink tasted more like the pop than any kind of vodka.

I didn’t know that the restaurant was short staffed until hours after I left but I wish they would have brought it to my attention. A server coming over and saying “hey just a quick FYI, we are down servers and appreciate your patience” would have made it a huge difference...

River North is a fantastic spot to get a bite or a beverage. The bar/wait staff is always friendly and seems helpful with menu recommendations and questions. All of the dishes are made from scratch with quality ingredients and seem to be made with care and attention to detail. I've been here about a dozen times now and I've never had a bad experience. The overall vibe is mid-century-modern eclectic with some Asian influences as well. The lighting is fun, seating is comfy, and the patio is a great spot to hang as well.

If I had to give a critique based on what I've seen, I get the idea the owner sometimes stretches herself thin, trying to manage and host at the same time. She is super friendly but likes to chat with the regulars and doesn't always notice when other guests are at the host stand or in need of assistance. When I was there yesterday my husband and I got an order of wings and it came with celery shreds instead of celery sticks. I asked if it would be possible to get some celery sticks, and the bartender immediately replied that he did not think that would be possible and that all of the celery was already shredded (as far as he knew). I thought it was a pretty basic request so I told him I would even be fine with an uncut stalk of celery. He said he would see what he could do and came back a few minutes later saying all of this celery was indeed already shredded. Having worked in the service industry for many years, I have a very hard time believing that...