Osteria — Restaurant in Greensboro

I want this place to be good so badly. I really do...

...which is why before I tell you about the most awkward dinner of my life, I’ll tell you that the pasta was excellent. I had strozzapreti in meat sauce. It was perfectly cooked, hot, and tasty. My wife had seafood ravioli, and she wouldn't even try my pasta because she wanted to preserve the taste. The pasta really is fantastic.

The pasta did not, however, make up for the supremely weird ambiance.

When we arrived at the restaurant, it looked like a bustling, happy joint. People were chatting. Music was playing. It smelled amazing.

“Do you have a reservation?” the hostess asked. We didn’t.

“Ah,” she said ominously, “then you’ll be seated in the… secondary dining room.”

Off to the left, there was an-almost hidden doorway, barely visible behind some curtains. The hostess didn’t lead us through so much as point and let us kind of… figure it out--Legend of the Hidden Temple style.

The room was decorated well enough, I suppose, but here’s the thing: it was DEAD quiet. No music. No other people. Nothing. There were literally sound-dampening panels on the ceiling, so the only thing we could hear was the laughter and cheer from the “primary” dining room, where, presumably, the cool people were eating.

We were alone at first, but eventually a few other tables showed up, everyone equally confused by the utter stillness of the room. It was like that scene in Mission Impossible, where Tom Cruise dangles from the ceiling because any noise triggers the alarm and alerts the guards.

We all just sat there listening to the sounds of each other chewing.

And then there was the lighting. In the “secondary” dining room, there are only lights above half the tables. The other half have nothing. So, when a strange succession of waiters came through and each dimmed the lights, it just got darker and darker until I was squinting to see my food.

The whole experience had the effect of being put in timeout and having to eat dinner in a poorly lit library.

The piece de resistance, though, was the waiter. Aside from a general aura of awkwardness, he did this special thing: rather than standing at the edge of the table and excusing his reach to refill your water, he’d instead come up directly behind you and reach around your head to grab your glass and remove it from the table--a maneuver you’d expect from someone trying to put you in a headlock. Then he’d shimmy over until he was directly behind the next person, reach around their head, and fill their water. And so on until he’d stood directly behind and reached around the head of every person at the table.

It's difficult to explain the look of tangible confusion and fear(?) in my wife's face when she locked eyes with me as his chin hovered over the top of her head. It’s how Napolean Dynamite would refill your water if they'd had him on staff.

Also, I’m pretty sure the parmesan cheese they offer you for your dishes is just grated Kraft parmesan dumped in a ramekin.

The pasta, though… the pasta...

My food was yummy, 3 others enjoyed their food, and 2 were treated so horrible by PAUL that they knew not to ask for anything else to prevent a knock-out screaming match in the middle of the restaurant.

Arrived and asked PAUL if what I saw online was the current menu. His response "Our restaurant has been here a long time and I don't know what's online!" sigh

We were celebrating one of my friend's birthdays and her mom was told she would have to pay $20 to store the birthday cake. sigh

Let's get to the meal, because that's what we came for, right! :) Paul delivers our food and one person's order is incorrect. She kindly tells Paull that her order was not exactly as she ordered and his response "Well, that's what the chef made and it'll be 30 minutes to put the other sauce on your spaghetti!" Sigh

Thankfully, she has almost 30 years in Corporate America as a Manger of Customer Service, or that would have gone badly for him. He takes her plate away and returns in about 5 minutes with the correct sauce, but she's over it now. a $20 spaghetti plate needs to come with impeccable customer service. NOT HERE!

Let's get to the checks...Paul yelled at the birthday girl's mom and stormed away from her while she was asking for something to put birthday cake in. We saw others that were being serve individual containers for take-aways. He was frustrated because she asked for the cake from the fridge as well. He basically treated us with such anger, I asked Paul to just deliver a single check for everyone to limit the amount of conversation. It was so bad, it was decided not to sing happy birthday to her and just enjoy the rest at a later time.

Well, then Paul messed up my ticket. My toddler and I were charged an extra $23 for a meal we didn't consume. I spoke with Paul AND THE GUY BEHIND THE BAR...both had snappy attitudes. Neither fixed it correctly! Might call my bank today and let them know, just depends on how far I decide to take this.

After reading other reviews, and looking at the photos of those having bad experiences, Paul may have a problem with African Americans, shoot they all might.. I'm not sure! However, one of the ladies in our party overheard a gentleman from another table say "HE JUST WALKED AWAY!" It was PAUL!!! sigh

Moral of the story, Paul was fortunate to have professional Christian women on the other end of his UNPROFESSIONALISM! Our table spent at least $275. (remember I was charged incorrectly twice for $23 spaghetti!) I will never spend another dime there, and will make sure none of my colleagues or family visit,...

Though Greensboro has no shortage of Italian eateries, few can boast what Osteria has to offer. More upscale fare with spot-on execution, efficient service, and higher prices to match make this a departure from the classic red sauce joint, but rest assured, you’ll be glad you went down this divergent road.

My fiancée and I made this our New Year’s Eve destination and put in a reservation well in advance. Since others had the same idea, this proved to be a prudent maneuver: Osteria was mostly full upon arrival. The inside of the restaurant is well-appointed with red leather booths and wine bottles on the walls. It is, however, rather small, and the fact that I was nearly elbow-to-elbow with a gentleman at an adjacent table crosses the line from “cozy” to “crowded.”

Spacing issues aside, the rest of our experience was very enjoyable. Travis, our server, was knowledgeable, confident, and poised, and the wait for the food was reasonable-to-quick given the aforementioned volume. Osteria’s standard menu is somewhat limited – a few salads, a few pastas, a few entrees – but the specials at the time of our visit made for some tough decisions. Everything from chicken Florentine to stuffed fish got our attention, but in the end, we went with a calamari arrabbiata starter and two pasta dishes: maltagliati (wide noodles with a wild boar ragu) and pappardelle (with salmon, spinach, and sundried tomatoes).

The food was consistently excellent. The calamari was among the best I’ve ever had: there was no chewiness, and the sauce had just enough heat to complement it without drowning out the flavor. The salmon was also well-prepared, as were the house-made pastas. The boar ragu was sweeter than expected but still hearty and satisfying. We wrapped everything up with a scoop of tiramisu gelato that captured the richness and cocoa notes the dish is known for.

Given the quality and portion size – the pastas were plated generously – pricing leaves little room for complaint. Our starter, which fed two, was $10 while our pastas were $18 and $16. Granted, several of the entrees are priced higher, but they include a side of pasta, among other things. Only the $5 for a scoop-sized portion of gelato seemed like a stretch, but the tastiness made up for it.

With so many eateries plagued by mismanagement or inconsistent execution, it is a relief to find one that has both the front of the house and the back of the house in order. What Osteria lacks in size, it more than makes up for in both food quality...