I strolled into DGs, the most aggressively hipster cafĆ© in town ā you know, the kind where the baristas wear overalls ironically and make espresso using a device that looks like a Victorian telescope. The chalkboard outside read: āTry our new Genderfluid Ginger Latte ā comes with a free hugā
Inside, indie music hummed from speakers made of reclaimed driftwood. The walls were covered in rainbow flags, pronoun pins, and at least three angry poems about dairy milk. Even though itās no longer pride month, this place was in full celebratory swing. Balloons. Glitter. Someone in the corner painting portraits of peopleās auras. I, being half-asleep and under-caffeinated, walked in, looked around... and did not salute the pride flag near the register. Now, in any other establishment, this would be fine. But at Two Cats, this is basically a hate crime.
Immediately, the two baristas, one they-them and the other a he/him locked eyes with me.
They/them snapped their suspenders with purpose. He/him cracked his knuckles and whispered, āFor justice. And oat milk.ā
Before I could even order a macchiato, they were on me. I was hit me with a biodegradable straw. The they/them unleashed the power of five years of CrossFit and non-dairy protein shakes. I was pummeled with ethically sourced aggression. A pride flag was used like a cape as he/him screamed, āLOVE IS LOVE, YOU CAFFEINE-CLUELESS HETERO!ā I tried to explain that I was just tired. That I loved everyone. That I once went to a drag brunch in Cincinnati.
āToo late,ā they/them said, wielding a sack of ethically sourced espresso beans. āThe beans have spoken.ā
Eventually, I surrendered, yelling, āI SALUTE THE FLAG! I SALUTE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND ALMOND MILK SOUL!ā They paused. They/them adjusted their septum ring. ā...Okay, thatās fair.ā He/him nodded. āGive them a loyalty punch card.ā
And just like that, the violence ended. They handed me a latte with a rainbow heart on top and a tofu muffin shaped like a unicorn. I limped out, bruised but enlightened.
Moral of the story? When in doubt, salute the flag. Or at least compliment someoneās pronoun pin. Also⦠never skip coffee on a Tuesday.
Seriously - love the place and the people. Iām not sure what Abigail was on when she left her review, but it sounds like the flag has been eating at her for a long time and she was projecting that onto...
Ā Ā Ā Read moreNo because this was a such a weird vibe. Okay Rachel? I think that might be her name, she was chill and talkative. Definitely the most enjoyable part of the experience. Homie dude who took my order was so awkward, and Iām like a super awkward person myself but it was ⦠uncomfortable awkward. He wasnāt being gross or anything I just think the social skills were somewhere else. Not rude either - just different. But also I was feeling delirious after having drove 9 hours to get coffee. Iāll find all the excuses. Everyone except for that one girl and someone I asked about the door in the back being functional were all like NPCās⦠lol so freaking weird. Even the people inside chilling at the tables. It was so freaking strange. Itās also so hard to rate this such a weird experience I donāt even want to rate it I just want to voice how i felt lol.
The cucumber toast thing was pretty good but I do wish the cream cheese had something in it for more flavor. The bread and balsamic wasnāt enough.
The lavender coffee was good. The lid was lowkey my favorite! Idk why most places done have lids like that!
I donāt think Iād come here again. I didnāt hate it, I just also donāt think it was giving what I was looking for either. Thatās not to say you wouldnāt love it or enjoy it either! By all means the potential is totally there! It just...
Ā Ā Ā Read moreIāve been coming to this coffee shop since it opened. Iāve had my art work hanging on the walls at this establishment. However, today I had the most bizarre experience. I know the establishments beliefs, they donāt hide it; they have a flag on the wall, but today I experienced a kind of discrimination. Upon arriving, I go to place my order but before Iām asked what I would like, the two female workers inform me they were talking about lesbians. I smile and wait, but then they start talking about me and how I look like an āallyā. Again I smile and wait, Iām then asked to salute the pride flag if Iām an ally to which I say no. They then ask me if Iām going to commit a hate crime to which I reply ānoā. I ordered and stayed for a little while. But ultimately Iām writing this because no matter the establishment or workers beliefs, that conversation was unprofessional and off-putting. I can, with confidence, say I will not be supporting Dos Gatos any further. Also, my toast was burnt and my coffee was flavorless which is...
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