Dos Gatos Coffee Bar — Restaurant in Johnson City

I strolled into DGs, the most aggressively hipster café in town — you know, the kind where the baristas wear overalls ironically and make espresso using a device that looks like a Victorian telescope. The chalkboard outside read: “Try our new Genderfluid Ginger Latte – comes with a free hug”

Inside, indie music hummed from speakers made of reclaimed driftwood. The walls were covered in rainbow flags, pronoun pins, and at least three angry poems about dairy milk. Even though it’s no longer pride month, this place was in full celebratory swing. Balloons. Glitter. Someone in the corner painting portraits of people’s auras. I, being half-asleep and under-caffeinated, walked in, looked around... and did not salute the pride flag near the register. Now, in any other establishment, this would be fine. But at Two Cats, this is basically a hate crime.

Immediately, the two baristas, one they-them and the other a he/him locked eyes with me.

They/them snapped their suspenders with purpose. He/him cracked his knuckles and whispered, “For justice. And oat milk.”

Before I could even order a macchiato, they were on me. I was hit me with a biodegradable straw. The they/them unleashed the power of five years of CrossFit and non-dairy protein shakes. I was pummeled with ethically sourced aggression. A pride flag was used like a cape as he/him screamed, “LOVE IS LOVE, YOU CAFFEINE-CLUELESS HETERO!” I tried to explain that I was just tired. That I loved everyone. That I once went to a drag brunch in Cincinnati.

“Too late,” they/them said, wielding a sack of ethically sourced espresso beans. “The beans have spoken.”

Eventually, I surrendered, yelling, “I SALUTE THE FLAG! I SALUTE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND ALMOND MILK SOUL!” They paused. They/them adjusted their septum ring. “...Okay, that’s fair.” He/him nodded. “Give them a loyalty punch card.”

And just like that, the violence ended. They handed me a latte with a rainbow heart on top and a tofu muffin shaped like a unicorn. I limped out, bruised but enlightened.

Moral of the story? When in doubt, salute the flag. Or at least compliment someone’s pronoun pin. Also… never skip coffee on a Tuesday.

Seriously - love the place and the people. I’m not sure what Abigail was on when she left her review, but it sounds like the flag has been eating at her for a long time and she was projecting that onto...

No because this was a such a weird vibe. Okay Rachel? I think that might be her name, she was chill and talkative. Definitely the most enjoyable part of the experience. Homie dude who took my order was so awkward, and I’m like a super awkward person myself but it was … uncomfortable awkward. He wasn’t being gross or anything I just think the social skills were somewhere else. Not rude either - just different. But also I was feeling delirious after having drove 9 hours to get coffee. I’ll find all the excuses. Everyone except for that one girl and someone I asked about the door in the back being functional were all like NPC’s… lol so freaking weird. Even the people inside chilling at the tables. It was so freaking strange. It’s also so hard to rate this such a weird experience I don’t even want to rate it I just want to voice how i felt lol.

The cucumber toast thing was pretty good but I do wish the cream cheese had something in it for more flavor. The bread and balsamic wasn’t enough.

The lavender coffee was good. The lid was lowkey my favorite! Idk why most places done have lids like that!

I don’t think I’d come here again. I didn’t hate it, I just also don’t think it was giving what I was looking for either. That’s not to say you wouldn’t love it or enjoy it either! By all means the potential is totally there! It just...

I’ve been coming to this coffee shop since it opened. I’ve had my art work hanging on the walls at this establishment. However, today I had the most bizarre experience. I know the establishments beliefs, they don’t hide it; they have a flag on the wall, but today I experienced a kind of discrimination. Upon arriving, I go to place my order but before I’m asked what I would like, the two female workers inform me they were talking about lesbians. I smile and wait, but then they start talking about me and how I look like an ‘ally’. Again I smile and wait, I’m then asked to salute the pride flag if I’m an ally to which I say no. They then ask me if I’m going to commit a hate crime to which I reply ‘no’. I ordered and stayed for a little while. But ultimately I’m writing this because no matter the establishment or workers beliefs, that conversation was unprofessional and off-putting. I can, with confidence, say I will not be supporting Dos Gatos any further. Also, my toast was burnt and my coffee was flavorless which is...