Jerry's Bait Shop — Restaurant in Lenexa

Way back when i was just a little bitty boy, living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry's bait shop. you know the place. well anyway, back then life was swell and everything was just PEACHY except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast daagh BIG BOWL OF SAUERKRAUT EVERY SINGLE MORNING it was driving me crazy so i said to my mom i said "hey, mom. whats up with all the SauerKraut" and my dear sweet mother she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train and she leaned right down next to me and she said ITS GOOD FOR YOU and then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and forcefed me nothing but sauerkraut until i was 26 and a half years old and thats when i swore that someday, someday i would get out of that basement and travel to a magical faraway place where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are Oh! So FLUFFY! where the shriners and the lepers play their ukeleles all day long and anyone on the street would gladly shave your back for a nickle WOKKA-WOKKA-DO-DO yeah well let me tell u people it wasnt long at all b4 my dream came true because the very next day a local radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in leonard nemoy's butt i was out by three, but i still won the grand prize, thats right - a first-class one-way ticket to Aaa-All-Aaa-All-buquerque Aaa-All-Aaa-All-buquerque oh yeah you know i'd never been on a real airplane before, and i gotta tell ya it was really great except that i had to sit between 2 large albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odour and the little kid at the back of me kept throwing up the whole time the flight attendants ran out of dr.pepper and salted peanuts and the inflight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shaw and oh yeah, 3 of the airplane engines burned out and we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died except for me. y'know y? cos i Had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position aa-hah-ha aah-hah-haa-haa haa-ha so i crawled from the twisted, burning wreckage. i crawled on my hands and knees for 3 full days dragging along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball and my lucky-lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkle but finally i arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn, where the towels are Oh So flUFFY and u can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna. its ok, they're clean well i checked into my room and i turned down the AC and i turned on the spectravision and i'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow that i luv so very very much when suddenly theres a knock on the door well now who could that be? i say who is it no answer. Who Iiss It? there's no answer. WHO IS IT? they're not saying anything. so finally i go over and i open the door and just as i suspected, its some big fat hermaphrodite with a flock of seagulls haircut and only 1 nostril oh maaan i hate it when i'm right. so anyway he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky-snorkle and i'm like Heey, you cant have that. that snorkle's been just like a snorkle to me and he's like Tough and i'm like Give It and he's like Make ME and i'm like 'Kay. so i grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus and i bite off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows and i took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation yes indeedy you better believe it and somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook. and 20 seconds later i heard a familiar voice and do you know what it said? i'll tell you what it said. it said If you'd like to make...

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy Living in a box under the stairs In the corner of the basement of the house Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop You know the place Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut Every single morning It was driving me crazy I said to my mom I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train And she leaned right down next to me And she said "It's good for you" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut Until I was twenty six and a half years old That's when I swore that someday Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer And the towels are oh so fluffy Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize That's right, a first class one-way ticket to Albuquerque Albuquerque Oh yeah You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before And I gotta tell ya, it was really great Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women With excruciatingly severe body odor And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why? 'Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ah So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn Where the towels are oh so fluffy And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna It's OK, they're clean Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C And I turned on the SpectraVision And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow That I love so very, very much when suddenly,...

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote This guy comes up to me on the street And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days Well, I knew what he meant But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?" But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know? Anyway, um, um, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought Uh, well, uh, OK Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is I hate sauerkraut That's all I'm really tryin' to say And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up And find yourself in an existential quandary Full of loathing and self-doubt And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours There's still a little place...